Flash Post 030: I NEED TO SLEEP

Tomorrow is the first day of my second semester being a third year student and I’m having a hard time sleeping. It’s like the night before a field trip when you’re feeling excited and nervous at the same time. I’m super excited to start a brand new semester with new professors, new classmates, and a new schedule (which isn’t half bad, really), but I’m also nervous because of the same reasons.. new semester.. new professors.. new classmates.. new schedule. AND A NEW DORM! Ugh too many new things! Can I have another week to process all this?

Of course not.

So here I am, trying to express myself, through writing, to let go of some of my thoughts and feelings. I need to sleep soon cause’ I don’t want to sleep in class ON MY FIRST DAY.. or in the coming days. I want to break that habit, so I need to get proper sleep at least tonight.

But that’s probably not happening.

Starting tomorrow, I won’t be going to the same dorm I’ve stayed in since I was in first year, I’ll be following a different schedule which means I’ll have to adapt to this new schedule sooner or later, and I’ll probably be missing my schedule, classmates, and professors from last semester and the Christmas break that has come to past.

But it’ll work out – that I’m sure of! I just need to fix the things I need for tomorrow before going to bed and take ALL OF THIS one step at a time.

Let me end this post with a few of my favorite verses and some cute motivational .gif’s! As always, I am proud to be a Roman Catholic and whether or not you have the same religious beliefs, I respect you. So I ask you to do the same for me. Thank you and let’s all spread love and happiness!! ❤

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LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

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for the nth time

The same fucking thing happens every fucking week and that’s because I’m stubborn as fuck. I make mistakes. I feel sad. I try not to fuck up. I get tired of trying. I fuck up. REPEAT. It’s like I never learn, well not like, I NEVER LEARN AND IT’S FUCKING ANNOYING. It’s always this choice between doing the right thing to do and doing something that gives me temporary happiness. AND I ALWAYS GO FOR THE LATTER. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK, RIGHT? And I don’t listen to anyone’s advice, NOT EVEN MY OWN. Honestly, I rarely read my previous posts which sucks because the me from then was so much knowledgeable than the me now. 

I KNOW WHAT TO DO BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE TO DO IT AND ACTUALLY DO IT. Things are way easier said (and written) than done. My previous post was almost exactly like this and it’s been what.. 16 DAYS!! And I’m getting lower and lower by the minute. What is happening to me? Well, of course I’m doing this to myself and I know I need to get my shit together, but it’s so fucking hard to do that. 

It’s REALLY difficult to push yourself into doing the right thing instead of doing the thing you really want to do, but in the long run, it’s clearly the better choice. I mean, sure, it sounds fun to watch a movie with friends, but if it just so happens to be hell week, it might not be such a good decision. Cramming stuff in your brain is stressful and you’ll easily forget it (before or after the exams.. let’s hope it’s the latter tho). And when you get a failing mark, LET ME TELL YOU, it’s as depressing as fuck, but you can’t complain because whether or not you accept it, you know it’s the score you deserve because you didn’t really study for it. AND THAT’S JUST ONE OF THE MANY SITUATIONS, well, a situation that I think all of us could relate to.

Our choices define us and how we choose to live our lives now determine how our future will be. It’s not likely for the people who just slack off and do nothing to have such a bright future, even though they’re rich now, because improving or maintaining their status requires them to work hard and do their best. It’s up to the us right now how the us in the future will be. Choose to do the things that your future self will thank you for.

AND DON’T JUST SETTLE FOR  WHAT YOU MANAGE TO DO. Certainly, there are days when you have to give yourself a break, but when you always do that, you won’t go anywhere. You have to PUSH yourself more to achieve more. One of my favorite quotes state “If you want something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.”

And always, always, remember that there’s always hope. Don’t give up on yourself. You’re a beautiful human being who deserves so much and who can do so many things. Be brave and chase after your dreams. Tomorrow is a brand new day, a brand new start for a better you.

(Note: I just needed to let my thoughts and rants spill somewhere. Gods, this post is so messy. I hope my posts in the future will be better. And I really have to get my shit together. Oh, and if you have any advice, please don’t hesitate to put it in the comments. I really need it. And, though I know this wasn’t much of a post, I hope it somehow helped you. I really do. )

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

 

 

Faults

I have faults, faults that can break me in a matter of seconds, when intensely shaken. Of course I’d have faults, I’m a human being, after all, but I thought I’ve already learned how to live with them, with how I am. What can I possibly do to stop this earthquake within me?

Despite that seemingly deep introduction, this post is mostly just a rant post about the things I suck at. Well, I’m not going to humiliate and depress myself by listing all of it down, but I am going to name a few, that had just been recently proven, such as delivering a speech (how?), Math (oh the horror), and *drum roll* socializing with people (though I’d say I’m slowly but surely improving).

I want improve myself, especially in my weak points, but how do I do that exactly? Well, there are numerous ways on how I can probably do it, one step at a time. I don’t really know why I’m writing this here, but eh, if you have weaknesses that you want to improve on, too, then I hope these (sort of) tips help us both:

  1. Accept and know your weaknesses.
  2. Challenge yourself to improve on these weaknesses (having an actual reason/reasons for doing this would help motivate you).
  3. Learn how you can overcome these weaknesses (through asking for advice from your friends, searching it up on Google, or simply realizing them yourself).
  4. Actually take action on the information that you’ve gathered (this step will be pretty hard at first, but I guess when you get used to it, it’ll become easier).
  5. Evaluate your progress every now and then (there’s always more points to improve on while in the process of learning how to deal with faults, so check on those, but don’t forget to give yourself a pat on the back for doing a good job).

These steps are really better said than done (hahaha), but that’s the basics, I guess. I hope it kinda helped you though. Tomorrow is always a new day, so if you want something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done (a combination of two quotes haha).

Bye for now. ♥

Remember, Remember

crossroads

Life is filled with many many crossroads, points where you have to decide where you want to go, which path you want to take. Some are easy to choose from, while others really make you take a moment, look at the possibilities and consequences of taking this certain path, and finally deciding. The rule is, you can never go back. You can only pass that crossroad once, and never again. Once you make your choice on which road to take, you bid your final farewell to the other road and continue your journey. Unlike what others may say, we don’t waste time, time wastes us. A time that has passed can never be rewind. So, you have to be really sure that you’re making the right decision, whatever your basis of the definition of “right” is.

To make the right choices, you have to envision what you want, where you want to be, why you want that, and how you’re going to make all that happen. “How am I going to do that?” you may ask. Well, you have to know yourself well. You have to know what your good at, what you need improvement in, what your interests are, and the like. First, you have to find yourself, realize who you are. We, human beings, all have our own strengths and weaknesses, admit it or not. No one is good at everything, even though some people may seem that way. We are all different, all unique from each other. Even identical twins have their differences, trust me.

Now, when you’re sure you know who you are, align your dreams and goals for the future with your interests and personality. Don’t trap yourself in other people’s expectations of you. Do what you want, with the condition that you’re going to achieve what you want. Never settle for less. Freedom is the potential to do more than of what is expected of you. Be yourself. People say that they do things because they are pressured of disappointing the expectations other people set for them. Don’t pressure yourself because of that, screw other people, do things because of your own standards, your own expectations of yourself.

You will realize that in setting your own standards, own expectations, own dreams, you motivate yourself into something you think is worthwhile. Compared to doing things because of what others expect of you, you are more determined to win the race that you have designed for yourself. You know what you want and that’s what you’re working hard for. It’s not because anyone else but you. You wake up each day and stay late each night because of this.

To achieve your dreams, you need to work hard, harder than ever before, and you need to set your mind to focus on these goals you have set. Avoid distractions that would kick you out of the path you chose to take, the choice you had to make, and make you feel confused and lost. I’m not saying that you should avoid everything that doesn’t push you closer to your dreams, no, it’s alright to goof around at times, just make sure you prioritize and put first whatever you think is the most important. Never ever compromise your dream for temporary happiness. It may seem like heaven for a while, but considering the long run, it might jeopardize your dreams for the future.

Then, there’s that moment when you finally reach it. All that hard work, all those hardships and problems, all of that would be worthwhile, a part of the journey to achieving your dreams. It would be a memory that would inspire you that if you could imagine and dream big big things for yourself, pray to God, and work really hard for it, you can do it. Nothing is impossible. Sky is the limit. And if you don’t reach it, if you fail on doing that particular thing, don’t be that depressed, because you did your best and that’s life. You win some, you lose some. Remember it, remember how you felt when you failed, and rise up, like the sun after it’s darkest moment, just before dawn. Rise up for there is tomorrow, rise up and learn from the past. And keep moving forward.

The trick in motivating yourself to strive for what you want is to remember. Remember what you want, why you want it, and how you’re going to get it. Focus on that thought and don’t let go because once you let go of that thought, once you forget what’s important to you, you get lost. And sometimes it’s hard getting back once you’re lost. I’ve been lost, lots of times, and I regret getting lost, forgetting what I want. But I got lost, and now I’m trying to find my way back.

We are all stories in the end, make sure you’re writing a good one for yourself.

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Things I Want to Change

This is another message to myself in the future, but this time, I’m addressing this to the future me starting from the moment I publish this post. It could be tomorrow future me, the day after tomorrow future me, and so on. Listen, I want to tell you that you’re a fantastic human being that has really bad habits. I mean, seriously bad habits that could be the cause of your death someday, hopefully not soon.

First would be the habit you make of sleeping so late in the morning. I’m no scientist, but I know that can’t be good for your health. I know you’re probably doing something important, school work most likely, that you put off till’ now, or slowly progressed doing causing you to stay up this late. This is the habit you really make a habit of, every damn night. Please, don’t continue doing it. I’m scared for you. Promise me this would be the last time you’d do it. Do your homework as early as possible, and never put it off, again.

Secondly, have a very good hygiene. I know it’s sick to even mention it but it’s the reality. You stink, literally. You can’t just do that or else you’d end up like you-know-who and you never ever want to even be compared to him. Take a bath as early as possible in the morning. Do not not take a bath ever again. You are so going to regret it. And don’t forget to brush your teeth. That breath of yours would gradually stink and your teeth are going to decay.

Thirdly, don’t skip out on drinking your medicine. I know, you forget most of the time, but I’m telling you, it’s bad, really bad for your health. Mum’s always telling you to not forget and you still keep on forgetting. What’s going to happen to you when she’s gone and you’re terribly ill and forget, huh? And don’t just underestimate you’re health. You’re lifestyle is bad enough, please just drink your medicine because some families can’t even afford the luxury of having medicine to drink when they’re sick.

Fourthly, study. I don’t care what you have going on with your life, just study. It’s the only thing you can control and it’s an important aspect of your future. Focus on your studies and make sure you’re really learning stuff, because school would just be pure bullshit if you don’t learn anything from it, besides those things that you forget after exams are done. No matter what you may be thinking, you want to go to that university, you want to take up Business, you want to graduate with so many honors. 

Fifthly. show you’re love to your parents and sisters and relatives, because they won’t always be there for you. They are going to die like any other human being in this planet. You will lose them sometime in the future and you wouldn’t want to have any regrets. Stop arguing and fighting with them and just love them and try to be a better child or sister to them. You have to appreciate them while you’ve still got them.

Number Six, start working out, exercising and going to the gym. You really need to lose a lot of pounds to be that girl whose size you liked. Don’t do it for anyone else but yourself. It’s not a self-esteem or self-pity or insecurity problem, but rather health problem. Eat less and be mindful of what goes inside that mouth of yours. Quit those chocolate bars and cookies and just stay fit and healthy, like an ideal woman.

Number Seven, never ever stop writing in this wonderful blog of yours. It is your masterpiece and scar to this world. I may not know the impact of this blog to other people as of now, but I do know that this blog has kept me sane for the past year and so. It’s your virtual home that you could run to in the case of loneliness and depression and whatever. Don’t abandon it, no matter how tough your life might get or how hassle your schedule might be. Never forget.

And lastly, pray to God that you’d have a long and amazing life ahead of you. I may not be a great big believer in God right now, but I have faith in him and trust that he has great plans for me I have yet to know and understand. I believe that he has and will always save me in times of distress and I owe him my life, that is very unworthy of his kindness. Follow him, and never forget him. Trust in him and never let go.

So, there, those are your current issues in life. Please do follow my strict instructions and plans so that your life would be so much easier and longer than my predicted future if you keep on living this life I’m experiencing. Believe me, you’d want to live long enough to start a family, marry that someone, have kids, and watch them grow. Just, please please, do this for me, for you, for us, for them. I love you very much dear, and finish those homeworks before the end of this year, ya’ hear me? 

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Not The End, Rather, A New Beginning

Tomorrow is the day. It really is. I can hardly believe that summer’s almost gone and I’m going to have to start waking up super early again. I’ve been preparing myself for this kind of dreaded day, but I’m still quite shocked. 

This shall be my third year in the “best four years” of my life and I still cannot understand it’s title. I mean, they say that it is, but right now, IT’ AIN’T LIKE THAT. High school seems like the transition period between elementary and college. It’s like from a mere child to a realistic young adult. It is when people find themselves, plus learn a lot of stuff from school. 

I know this post is a lot crappy but I don’t give a fug. Looking at the title now, it’s not that appropriate for this content, eh? Okay, I’ll try to be a little positive. Let’s see. Well, I’d get to meet new people, become a more educated individual with the lessons that the teachers are going to enlighten us with, enjoy the perks of not having to commute in such a late hour, and realize more life lessons along the way. 

They say that everyday is a new day, a new chance to change and a new start to something new. But, there’s always going to be that nasty past bugging you around every now and then. It’s existence haunting you down until you break down to tears. Well, here’s the fun truth, that past shouldn’t pull you down, rather, mold you into a person that won’t commit the same error again. 

You’re ugly? Who told you? Oh, you? Well, Shut The Fug Up. That voice in your head saying you that you can’t do anything, that you’re just a piece of crap, is not going to help you. Change those pessimistic insults into positive compliments and constructive criticism. Don’t expect other people to bring you up because they’re too busy bringing themselves up.

To be honest, I’m scared, nervous, excited and nauseous at the same time. It’s coming and I know I can’t be ready, even if summer had a thousand days. I just have to lift my head up and smile at the ugly truth that is the unfairness of the world.

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Yesterday’s Never Coming Back

Things Change. People Change. Life doesn’t stop for anybody. I look at pictures and reminisce the events that happened during the taking of the photo. Those actions and smiles that I miss during sad times in this life. Unfortunately, I don’t have pictures of me crying or being sad to look back to, but who would like to see a picture of a girl crying? No one, well, except me, because it shows the reality of the moment.

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There are friends that come and go, while a few stay beside you even though years have passed and you’re not in the same school or section. They might not be perfect but the differences among friends are the mighty glues of their friendship, as people say. Along the way, you grow up and they grow up, whether you like it or not. The important thing is that you stick with each other through thick and thin. Most of them were meant to serve as lessons to us so that we may learn to choose better friends in the future. 

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While going through this rough road called “Life”, you tend to trip or fall at times. Some of your dreams turn into heartbreaking failures. Hope turns into despair. Crying in the middle of the night because you remembered something you once wanted and never got. But, without pain how can we know joy? It’s not about the fall but rather getting up from it and learning more about life. I remember seeing this quote I saw in Mendel’s homeroom, “Life is the best school. God is the best teacher. Problem is the best assignment. Failure is the best revision”. 

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We can never change the past nor relive it, so wouldn’t you just rather not dwell on it and continue with the present that would be a yesterday tomorrow? You should learn from the past rather than always thinking about those stupid “what if’s”. Life’s too short for regret and misery. So, when you fall down while walking in this road, get up and continue walking.

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