A Tablespoon of one big mess~

I’m failing at least one class this semester and all but two, at the most. Unfortunately, I’m not exaggerating about that and this is, for sure, my worst semester in college, regarding academics. I’d like to call this my rock bottom semester cause’ I seriously don’t think any semester could be as remotely bad as this one. This is the last wake up call semester I need for me to do more than get my shit together.

I don’t actually know what I’m gonna do after getting my grades for this semester. I actually don’t know what the consequences of the grades would be, so I don’t know what I can do about it either. But I’ve learned a lot of things this semester, realizing most of it by the end of it, so that’s what this post is going to be about.

1. “Time management is key.” AF

I remember saying that my resolution this year is to manage my time more wisely, but as you can probably infer, I failed horribly. I wasn’t able to manage my time and prioritize the things and ended up procrastinating and cramming everything in the last minute. This tip is probably a cliche for college students, like me, by now, but it’s easier said than done and I, personally, I need to be reminded of this every. single. minute. And more specifically, time management should consider EVERYTHING, such as spontaneous getaways and emergencies. Planning to finish the projects just by the nick of time or planning an all-nighter to finish studying for an exam falls under the poor time management category. Plan and schedule your time in a realistic way, considering, as I said, E V E R Y T H I N G.

2. Study. EVERYDAY FREAKING DAY. 

Okay, so this might sound unreasonable to some,  but I honestly need to study everyday. I sleep usually fall asleep during my classes, which is a terrible habit of mine I’ve had since preschool, so I need to catch up with my lessons by allotting more time in studying. Unfortunately, what tends to happen is I eat dinner while watching something, probably a movie or an episode of KDrama, then I end up finishing it and spending a bit more time relaxing. After a few hours, usually at 9 pm, I start studying, then falling asleep on my desk. HORRIBLE.

So, I really need to allot two to four hours of pure studying each day to catch up and to be able to understand the lesson and to get enough practice. And to not cram chapters worth of lessons in one night, or four hours before an exam.

3. Take GENUINE interest in what you’re learning.

I went to my classes. I tried not to sleep in my classes. I tried studying for my classes. But I honestly didn’t like my classes. If it weren’t required, I wouldn’t have taken the courses I enlisted for this semester. The only class I did like was Accounting and that’s because I’ve been hooked to business since third year high school. So, I think it’s also very important to make yourself interested and passionate about what you’re learning. I know that’s a rather challenging thing to do, especially when you’re pursuing a course that wasn’t your choice, but to make the semester a bit less painful, we’ve gotta try to like the classes we have to stick with for the duration of the semester.

4. Make time for you and your passions, too. 

While school, family, and social life are important, you’re well-being is as important as all of those things. And by making time to make sure you’re well-being is in good condition, I mean to check if your sanity’s still intact, if you’re eating properly and getting close to enough sleep, and if you’re still able to do what you actually are passionate about. Now, when you make time for you, consider the hours of sleep you’d want to have, depending on whether or not it’s a hell week, and squeezing your “relaxation” and leisure activities with the activities related to your passion into a fair amount of time. Because, as I said, I usually get a bit too relaxed and ending up spending more time relaxing than studying.

5. Take a daily dose of positivity! 

It might be hell week and/or things might not be going your way, always remember to keep a positive attitude and look at the brighter side of life. Most times, this is easier said than done, like most things, but it’s essential to get through the semester alive. You need to be happy with yourself, to be thankful for all the blessings you have, and to have a fighting spirit all throughout the semester.

6. Spend your money wisely. 

Although this isn’t school-related, it’s still a lesson I learned during this semester. I’m constantly saving up for something, which is alright, but I’ve got to be wise about how I spend my money. I went to a convention and spent more than a thousand, I bought a stuffed toy for a person I admire a lot, and now I’m saving up for shipping fees, but to me, who loves anime and likes that person, it’s worth it. Though, in the long run, spending my money on those things aren’t exactly wise. I’m working on it and I’m planning to allot a certain percentage of weekly allowance savings to put in the bank, so yay me.

There you have it, six of the many lessons I’ve learned the hard way this semester. I might not be as well put as I’d want to be and I have miles to go before becoming the woman I want to become in the future, but it’s a start and I’m a work in progress, so to the me who’s trying so hard to figure out what she’s gonna do in life, give your best and be passionate about everything you do today and God will reveal His plans to you at the right time.

I hope this post somehow helped you, too, or at the very least, realize that even though this my life’s kinda messy right now, if I’m getting through it with my head held high and I’m slowly trying to apply the lessons I’ve learned from yesterday’s mistakes, then so should you :). And always remember that you are God’s masterpiece. You are beautiful and you make this world brighter. Things might be shitty right now, but please don’t give up and know that I believe that you will get through whatever challenge it is you’re facing.

Till’ the next time~

With so much love, The Girl With The Pen

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

Dancing on a Rainy Day

I’m in my second year of college and I need to get my shit together. Honestly, I’m not doing as well as I had hoped at school this semester. I’ve failed four exams in total, so far (three exams in Math and an exam in Engineering Drawing). I just took my third Engineering Drawing Exam yesterday and I seriously need to pass that in order to pass the class. I have my last long exams in Physics and Math next week, then there’s finals. At this point, I don’t really know anymore.

But what I do know is that I need to put myself back together somehow, at least enough to manage to get through life right now. Sometimes, I feel like I’m not doing what I actually want to do. I’ve been pondering upon my life choices- from why I caved into my sleepiness the night before to why I chose engineering and my university in the first place. I’m at a very confusing point in my life, really. But I can’t back out now because that would be considered quitting and I am no quitter. Besides, it’s the practical thing to do. No one forced me to take up my course or to go to the university I’m attending, but I really didn’t know what I was in for and now there’s expectations that come with it.

Anyways! The reason why this post it titled “Dancing on a Rainy Day” is because I planned to make this an optimistic post! A post-ivity! (HAHAHA) since I haven’t been posting very much recently and my previous posts are a bunch of rants like how I started this post. I’ve just been going through a lot and writing it in this blog somehow makes me feel better so yay!

When I failed my fourth exam in Math (I failed 3/4 exams I’ve taken in the course), my professor asked me if I was nervous during the exam. Of course I said yes because who wouldn’t be scared during an exam? So then he told me that that was the main reason why students don’t do well- fear. I thought it was just usual, but apparently, you could actually not feel fear during exams. I still don’t know how, but I took his words to heart. I started going to the lecture and discussion classes with a positive attitude towards Math. It’s not easy, at all, but I’m faking it till’ I make it- till’ I make myself believe that I understand the lessons and that I can do it. It’s actually working because instead of giving up completely at the sight of limits and natural logarithms, I treat it as a challenge and hype myself up by accepting it.

I’ve forgotten how my attitude towards things have a huge impact in my life- to my future. I’m really stubborn and forgetful, so it’s difficult for me to learn from my mistakes. It’s hard to change. I can’t explain it very well, but I guess we all have some aspects of ourselves that we want to improve, so I guess you get my point. But as the quote goes, “If you want something you’ve never had, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done”. Aside from faking it, taking the first step to becoming a better version of yourself is another thing you should do to be able to change for the better.

I admit that I wasn’t able to do my best this semester. I gave myself too many breaks because I thought I deserved it after a tiring day. During some trials, I thought I couldn’t do it so I let myself give up. And that’s not right. The past me, both elementary and high school would be disappointed with how I am now. And this is not how I want myself to be. I’ve always dreamed to become a very successful, smart, strong, and independent woman in the future. I really need to get my shit together.

So yes, I need to learn how to dance in the rain- to be positive amidst life’s challenges. I have to figure out how to prioritize things and manage my time more wisely. I need to venture through the different opportunities of how I can follow my passion in writing and how to grow as a writer, despite the several things I see as nuisances and hindrances to it. In rainy days like this, pessimism isn’t going to help, so might as well be this positive idiot than be down about it.

Till’ next time~

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Some People Just Aren’t Worth It

It’s summer. I haven’t seen you in 7 months. I miss you.

But you blow me off, yet again. By this time, I should be used to it.

It’s my mistake. It’s my fault for wanting to hang out with you.

I’m better of making an effort for those who actually deserve it.

Because you obviously don’t.

And you’re not even worth writing a decent post about.

 

(note: i admit i can be really clingy, sentimental, and annoying (to some degree), but i’m done apologizing for that. i’m just a bit hurt, but as i said, it’s all my fault, not yours. thanks for making me realize that what i’m doing is a waste of time. now i know. thank you.)

Someday we’ll know…

As an avid reader of romantic novels and shoujo manga, I’ve grown to love the idea of “love”, referring to romantic relationships. I get butterflies in my stomach whenever I read a very sweet line or when something good happens to the main characters. I can’t stop reading until I’m finished with it. And even after that, I re-read about a dozen times, only going back to the favorite parts though. I think about how nice it must be to be in a relationship with someone you love and loves you back- waiting for each other, going on dates, giving each other presents, and the like.

And as an avid reader, I also know that with all those wonderful things come with pain, sacrifice, and the risk of getting heartbroken. I think loving someone means giving them all of you and you accepting all of that person (yes, I love the song, okay?). That’s a lot to ask for from people. And being in a relationship requires time, effort, commitment, and loads of other stuff.

What’s my point? Well, I don’t think people shouldn’t rush in falling in love. It’s really difficult to give all of yourself when you’re not ready yet. Before you fall in love with another person, you’ve got to have already established a strong love for yourself and I don’t mean in a narcissistic way, rather in a way where no matter who leaves you and who hurts you, you won’t lose yourself and be strong enough to continue living, even if you’re alone.

And timing is also very important. You can fall in love with the right one at the wrong time and it won’t work out. You’ve got to make at least enough time and effort for that special person, or else you might drift apart. If what you two have is really love, I believe that both of you can wait for one another. If you truly love each other, you’re going to grow together and when the right time comes, when both of you are mature enough to make the right decisions for yourselves, it’s going to be magical.

Personally, I think it’s a hassle to date while being students. It could just be me, but I’ll put it out here all the same. A relationship just asks for so much of a person and I don’t think I can comply. But, to those couples who make it work, even if they’re just students, I truly salute you. I salute the way you guys balance acads, love, family, social life, sleep, family, and all those other stuff. I believe that as long as you love each other and make the time and effort, you will get through it. I think that way, you get to know your partner more, actually, cause’ you get to do academic-related stuff together, stress through hell weeks together,and what not.

I’m a hopeless romantic and an optimistic and as long as it’s really love, I believe in it.

 

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

(I JUST FINISHED HEROINE SHIKKAKU AND I HAVE A CHEM EXAM TOMORROW! HA HA HA.. IN OTHER NEWS, THE CROWN WILL BE RELEASED ON TUESDAY!! AHHH!!

Oh, and I have 0 experience in being in a relationship, so I don’t know what really goes on. I just read a lot of novels and manga to know enough, I think. Enough to not want to be in a relationship while I’m still in college. Hassle. AND IT’S NOT LIKE ANYONE WOULD COURT ME ANYWAYS, RIGHT? I FIND IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR ANY GUY TO COURT ME AS I AM NOW. Makes me curious as to how I’ll actually find a guy who loves me when I’m older HAHAHA.

AND IF EVER I OFFENDED ANYONE, I’M TRULY TRULY SORRY. I DIDN’T MEAN TO AND I HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL IN YOUR LIVES.)

 

 

How am I supposed to do this?

lost-myself-photography-self-type-writer-Favim.com-143290

Ever since I was in sixth grade, I’ve known exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I’ve known where I wanted to attend college, what kind of job I wanted to have, how I wanted my own house to look like, so on and so forth. Up to this day, I’d say that those dreams of my twelve year old self helped me to reach my goals and to be where I am right now- attending my dream university.

I never really got my copy of the life manual, so up until now, I’ve just been doing things how I thought I should do them. I’m stubborn. I sleep late. I don’t follow my own advice. And right now, I’m just really scared that because of how I live my life right now, my future might not be as bright as I’ve always wanted it to be. Like, what if I die even before my life begins because I’ve been sleeping too late and I’ve been too careless with my health? How is that going to work out for me?

I know I’m being really pessimistic right now and my parents would totally scold me if they read this, but it’s still a possibility, isn’t it? How am I supposed to live my life doing everything I want to do while also doing everything I need to do? How can I enjoy my life, even during weekdays, when all I can manage to do right now is to catch up with school-related stuff? I want to have fun as much as I can during the weekends, but doing everything that isn’t fun last minute just makes it less fun. Where am I supposed to live in this?

Am I making any sense? Well, the point is that I am horrible, to say the least, at time management. It’s just hard to keep myself from doing the things I really like doing, so that I can do the things that I need to be doing. I guess I’m not the only one suffering from this, since I’m pretty sure most people my age struggle with the same thing, but I am the one who has a blog and who over thinks almost everything, so yeah.

See, I just don’t want to sleep without knowing I made the most out of the day. I don’t want to die without knowing I made the most out of my life. I really don’t know how to do either of that, really, but I just don’t want to end up missing the weekends when I get back to school, to the dorm, and I don’t want to end up not leaving a positive impact in this world. I’m selfish. I want to be remembered and missed by many.

How am I supposed to do this?

(Note: Am I going to die soon? My hair is falling out. My memory loss is getting worse. I think I might have short-term memory loss and my attention span is horrible. I’m still very much awkward, although I’d say that I have somehow managed to improve a bit. I’m not assertive enough and I can’t stand up, much less speak up, for myself very often. HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO BE THE KIND OF PERSON I WANT TO BE IN THE FUTURE?!? I feel lost, really.

Oh, and the featured image aka the image above this post isn’t mine. I just found it in Google. Credits to the rightful owner 🙂 )

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Giving > Receiving

Sometimes, I look back at the times when I was a kid getting all those presents and being the center of attention of family gatherings. To be honest, I don’t really remember that much about how Christmas went when I was a child, but I do remember receiving gifts from Santa every year and getting together with relatives I don’t see that often. I remember taking all those family pictures together, playing with my cousins and eating delicious holiday meals with them, too.

It’s kind of funny reminiscing about those things because a lot has changed now and life just goes on. It’s like someday, this Christmas, the previous one, and the next one will be nothing but memories captured by pictures. All the more reason to cherish the holidays, right?

Life, despite shitty times, is really beautiful. And, growing up, I’ve discovered yet another beautiful thing in life- the happiness you experience after making someone else happy. Personally, it makes me think “Damn, I’ve done something pretty great with my life” and I just feel really awesome seeing people happy. Though I must admit, I don’t really know what to say when they thank me because the gift-giving wasn’t really one-sided because they made me happy, too.

Normally, most of us are really busy to enjoy life and the people around us, so this holiday season’s the perfect time to treasure everything- our family, friends, the people who’ve helped us in our everyday lives, and so much more. Really, there’s a lot we should be thankful for. It’s the time to take a break from our usual busy lives and appreciate our life and everything in it.

I guess that’s another reason why I love giving gifts- to show people that I appreciate them, that I am really grateful that they’re in my life. Personally, I believe that presents could be given in more ways one. Spending your time with someone and really giving them time is something really special.

And, when you feel really blessed with everything, it just makes you want to share them with other people, even the ones you don’t really know. It’s not just sharing stuff, it’s also sharing happiness and that’s just amazing.

My point is that you should take this season for everything it is! Take this opportunity to show your love and appreciation to the people around you-to your family, friends, special someone, and the like, through many ways. Reflect upon life and thank God for everything he’s blessed you with (applies to all religions). And also, share the love to those who you might not know so well because giving away happiness is one of the best things in life.

Happy holidays!

 

(Note: I know it’s a bit too early, but I just felt like sharing how I felt. I just don’t want to see people take this season for granted. Love life!

And this should be one of the many posts I’ll be writing this month because I’ll be taking my Christmas break really soon! Yay!

Oh, and the featured image is something I made myself, for once haha. I kinda wanted to convey a message through it, but that’s what I ended up with. I hope you still like it though.)

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Hickory Dickory Dock

Personally, nowadays it feels like there’s never enough time. My weekdays are taken over by assignments, readings, and exams. Aside from that, although I don’t have that much extra-curricular stuff going on, I still have a few and that’s another thing to allot time for. Weekends are my pit stops or my momentary break, before repeating the cycle, that prevents me from exploding due to everything. But, of course, I can only squeeze so much time for family, myself, and recreation over the weekends because, despite it being the weekends, I still have a bunch of work to do. Sure, it may sound like I’m complaining and ranting and I know I don’t really have the right to do that since a lot of people have it a lot worse, but this isn’t my actual point in this post.

I believe that time is more valuable than money. Why? Well, because, unlike money, you can’t earn time. You can never get back the time you’ve already lost. Also, we, humans, only have a limited amount of time in this world. The worst part of that is that we don’t know the limit until we’ve reached it, otherwise known as death. It could range from a minute to fifty years from now! We can take the time we have right now for granted, not knowing when our last breath would be. Once you’re dead, you’re dead.

But death isn’t the point either. Death is inevitable. Eventually, everyone will die and everything will be swallowed into oblivion. What matters most is what you do with that short amount of time that has been granted to you. It’s that hyphen between the dates of our birth and death where we lived our lives the way we did. It’s what we do during that time that defines who we were.

Now, let me ask you, what are the most important people/things to you? What are your dreams and passions? These aren’t questions that could be answered quickly, so just contemplate upon them for a bit.

As I said, it feels as though there’s not enough time, and there might never be, so don’t panic or fear the lack of time. It’s probably always going to be that way. What you should really think about is how you spend the time you have and you can do that by knowing what has to be done and prioritizing them according to how important they are to you.

School and work wrecks this seemingly ideal system, don’t they? But, instead of thinking of them as stuff that you’re required to do in order to pass or earn money, think of them as stepping stones. I know it might sound funny, but when I was in my first year of high school, I had this chain thing where it said something like “homework – quiz – final exam – grade – *insert dream university here*”. For me, back then, it was a chain of events that eventually leads to the effect of whether or not I get into my dream university. I now know that it kinda commits a slippery slope fallacy, but it still has a point- that everything you do right now affects your future. So, yeah, you might think that a lot of other stuff are important than school and work and you’d rather do them instead, but wouldn’t it be better investing your time into your future?

But, of course, I’m not saying that everything else isn’t important. I just wanted to explain first that school and work aren’t just consuming your time for nothing, rather it’s an investment. Now, moving on to the other stuff.

Family Time. I can only write about this from my perspective because I don’t know how anyone else feels about their family, so if you don’t agree with what I write, feel free to skip ahead or read my other posts. So, this kind of time is something really important to me. Now that I’m attending college, I don’t get to spend as much time with my family as I used to. And I’m that type of person that doesn’t want to miss out on chances to play with my siblings, have real talk with my parents, and the like. I won’t live forever and neither will they. They are the most important people in my life and, though I forget and I act immature sometimes, I don’t want to regret not saying “I love you” enough, to regret not hugging or kissing them enough, and to regret not spending enough time with them to make us all feel loved.

Friends. Besides family, these are the people that you love the most. They are the ones that you share happy and crazy moments with and also, of course, sad and ugly moments, too. So it’s important to make time for these people to be able to satisfy your social needs and sanity.

“Me” Time. Of course you also need time for yourself. A time to reflect upon your words, actions, and other deep philosophical thoughts. This is the time wherein you can enjoy doing what you love (aka passions). This time could be while you’re walking alone to class or when you have actual free time to write, paint, dance, or whatever your passion is.

Recreational Time. I think this is different from “me” time because this is mostly the time where you do your hobbies, rather than your passions. Personally, this is my time for anime, reading, watching movies, so on and so forth.

And that’s basically it. There’s loads more of things that you need to make time for, but those are the only things I can think of, at the moment. Hopefully, I’ve made my point and have successfully conveyed it to you. I l also hope I’ve helped you somehow with life and time management. Personally, I still currently such at it, myself, but I try (hahaha). In fact, I still have to study for an exam in Math and prepare for a debate. Ugh. Well, don’t be like me and prioritize your time better, okay? Until next time!

P.S. The featured image is “The Persistence of Memory” by Salvador Dali

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE