Okay, so right now, I should be studying for an exam for the class where I’m still running for exemption from taking the finals. But I realized that there’s too many stuff going on inside my mind, so I decided to write a quick “Flash Post” before continuing my studies.
There are certain things I simply cannot think about right now AND that’s what this post is about, I think. To make things clear, I’ll neatly write it down as a list.
*Insert my name here*’s to-not-think-about list:
- Whether or not I’m going to fail my Engineering Statics class
- Whether or not I’m going to fail my Statistics majors class
- Do not compute for the score you need for finals to pass.
- Do not compare yourself with other people. You are your own person!
- Don’t think you’re going to fail. Worse comes to worst, you still got that +2% attendance bonus!!
- The mini movie house that just opened nearby
- You ALREADY HAVE PLANS, so don’t do it. Just DON’T.
- “Mother knows best.”
- The guy I really like
- IT’S FINALS WEEK AND YOU’RE STILL THINKING ABOUT HIM! You’re awful.
- You can deal with these kinds of things later, *insert my name here*. Now is NOT THE TIME TO BE THINKING ABOUT IT!
- For Pete’s sake (who’s Pete?), DO NOT OVERTHINK!!!! It’s not helping anyone.
- Rather than worrying over this, just think of him as an inspiration to slay finals week.
- Okay, just don’t think about him and do your best 🙂 .
I just really need to get through this day and do great in my exam later, so that I can go home, be exempted from taking the finals for that class, and study for my only remaining final exam this Friday.
Bonus funny material:
It’s funny cause’ I really should be studying, but I stumbled upon it on Twitter. He should’ve still had a sign even though he’s not a “pa-fall” person. He’s just a reaaaaally nice guy that people have a tendency to like (or really like!), I think haha.
I really should be studying now, so bye.. for now 🙂
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE
Honestly, I’m not really good at writing poetry,
But my feelings can’t be expressed so openly,
Tried writing a story, didn’t know how to start,
So, here I am, with the thoughts I’d like to impart.
I started liking you since the very first day,
You had a nice face; just a happy crush anyway,
And you indirectly caused this writer a sprain,
Got distracted, missed a step, didn’t feel much pain.
Class was fun enough, you made it kinda brighter,
Just for a moment, everything seemed bit lighter,
I was early, and you, either late or absent,
Any exchanges between us? Non-existent.
But, there was this one time, when we actually talked,
By that time, you were so much more than how you looked,
Just a brief conversation, nothing note-worthy,
But enough to make me feel giddy- so happy.
We’ve reached the final stanza, me saying goodbye,
A poem is too short, but I just had to try,
I’m happy to have crossed paths with you, an artist,
Did my feelings reach you? I hope, at least the gist.
(Note: Well, this is quite different from my usual post nowadays, and that’s actually good since my usual posts are a bunch of rants haha. Originally, I had planned to post this on Wattpad, but I changed my mind later on because of reasons. So, as you might have guessed, this is a poem I wrote about one of my happy crushes this semester, someone who I probably won’t ever see again.)
April 13, 2012: It Summer and Where Do We Begin?
“I had planned that this summer of 2012 will be the best summer (period) This is my first summer of being in high school and next school year, I’ll be in second year and that thought kind of makes me nervous. I don’t want to be second year yet. I want summer to feel like forever. But unfortunately, there’s only more than a month before summer ends. I had so much plans for summer this year which have disappeared and died as a thought. I also want to forget someone who meant so much to me and I didn’t even mean a thing to him. He found out that I liked him and well.. you get my point. I don’t know what to do.. I hope something exciting happens or something.”
April 13, 2013: This Same Day.. A Year Ago
“I didn’t really know what to do for this very special celebration, but a friend suggested that I write about my year of having this blog. I couldn’t say that my life changed completely because everything is still pretty normal to me. It’s still unfair, unpredictable and worth living…
I think the only difference was I always brought and wrote on a notebook, anytime anywhere. I’d write about my day, rants, movies, and more. I don’t post everything in this blog because some of it is kinda personal and contained information I was not permitted to post in this World Wide Web. After writing, I’d feel calmer, happier, and like I’d let go of some huge luggage. I also have noticed that I ACT-ed more this year. It was embarrassing, yes, but it was worthwhile.”
April 13, 2014: Happy 2nd Birthday, Blog!!
“I made this blog exactly two years from now, and I’ve been writing in it ever since. Honestly, I couldn’t imagine life without this blog, and I wouldn’t ever know what it would be like. I know I don’t post here as often as I did when I started, but this year has been such a hassle and I didn’t really feel inspired to write. But, this blog has been helping me survive life by providing me my very own space to fill with words expressing my thoughts and emotions. Writing in this blog has given me someone to talk to when I feel like absolute crap, when I feel so alone, when I realize something rather amazing, and the like. This is like my online diary that other people could read and relate to. I’d say that it’s my companion while I grow up because as I write in this blog, time goes by and things change. I somehow document stuff and milestones in my life through this blog.
This blog is like the pictures I take, it’s permanent. Whatever happens, whatever changes, this blog would remain the same. In the future, I could re-read the posts I wrote when I felt depressed, the posts I wrote when something fantastic happened, etc. This is like my portal to my brain and my heart before it changes. I don’t always read my past posts because I’m too lazy to read everything, but when I do, I remember those memories, and just smile.”
April 13, 2015: Three Years and Counting
“So, this little blog of mine has kept me company for three years already. Though I do have friends, as I said, change is inevitable, so I’m relieved that I will always have that one companion to turn to in times of despair and share happy and insightful moments with. And that companion is my blog. Not that I don’t appreciate my family and friends. I am genuinely grateful to have been blessed with such loving and supportive family and friends, but of course there are still things and times when they don’t understand me and such, and during those times, this blog is where I let all my thoughts and feelings flow freely. And now, I’m about to embark on another adventure, the beginning of a new chapter in my life. Fortunately, I didn’t fuck up and I am blessed to have been accepted in my dream university. Oh my gods! I didn’t fuck up! You have to forgive me for seeming a bit over dramatic, but you see, I read a blog post of mine yesterday saying “I’m going to college next year, which means that I’ll take some entrance exams later this year and I’m dead nervous. Those tests define my future and, whatever happens, I’d like to know that I’ve done my best. I don’t know what’s in store for me, but I really hope that I don’t mess anything up. I feel like these things are happening too fast. It feels too real now and I have to do everything I can to pass those tests. Why did I say those stuff? Well, in the future, I’ll be reading this and would probably be smiling because present me has no idea what the future holds for me. I really wish I could gather my shit enough to not fuck up. Hmm.. what would this blog be like a year from now? Would I still be posting? Would I feel happy because I already know what my university would be? Would I be sad because I didn’t get in my dream university? I guess I have no way of knowing.” I know now that I didn’t fuck up. Am I boasting too much, ah apologies. I’m just really happy.
As busy and tired as I might be in this coming school year, I don’t think I could survive the five long years of my course without this little blog of mine, my constant companion through life’s adventures. Yes, the future is still a great mystery of me, a mystery I have yet to unravel, but one thing’s for sure: I will keep writing here until my heart stops beating. It might not be as frequent nor as good as before, but, as I previously said, how lonesome life would be without a companion, right?”
TODAY, April 13, 2016: Four-ever and Ever!
Honestly, I cannot help but smile and be at the verge of crying tears of joy right now. Not only because I’m really close to losing my sanity because of college, but also because it’s been FOUR years since I’ve started writing in this blog of mine. I rarely read posts that I’ve previously written, so reading the posts I previously wrote for my blog’s anniversary is really just overwhelming. I’m filled with mixed emotions I can’t control!
So, the me back then is as clueless about the present as I am about the future. It makes me happy reading these posts and other previous posts, particularly about my future, because I’m living it and, though life feels like shit sometimes, it’s a dream come true! I can’t say the same about things further in my future, especially with Physics, but somehow I’ll manage to keep going on the path I’ve chosen. This blog is the closest to a time machine that I could probably get and I look forward to the future me reading this post.
I’d like to say that I’ve changed a lot since starting this blog four years ago, but I haven’t or at least not in a grand dramatic scale. I’m still clumsy, poor at time management, pretty awkward, sleepy, overly-sensitive, and stubborn. It sucks because I’m TOO stubborn to learn from my mistakes the first time, or even the second and third time, it happens. But, I’m slowly, but surely, growing and hopefully, in the future, I become the kind of woman I want to be- strong, smart, independent, kind, and beautiful, above all other things. I’m in this constant state of fluctuating, up and down and up and down, but it’s a way of knowing that I’m trying and I’m changing.
I love this blog. It’s a place where I can pour my heart, thoughts, and feelings out. It’s always there for me- when I’m sad and lonely, when I’m happy and feeling incredible, and when I have the urge to write because of something I realized. I mean, sure, I have wonderful friends and a loving family, but sometimes, they’re not there or they can’t understand. Without this blog, I think I would’ve exploded because of my thoughts a long time ago. I love writing and I love this blog.
What happens from here on out? I don’t know and, although I have no way of knowing what happens in the future, the future I still have ahead of me, I want to keep writing for as long as I live, until my last breath, until my heart’s last beat.
This blog has been keeping me sane for four years and it will continue four-evermore!
(Note: HAHAHA.. IT’S BEEN THREE STRAIGHT WEEKS OF HELL AND I’M CURRENTLY PREPARING MY REPORT FOR ENGLISH 11 AND I STILL NEED TO DO MY PHYSICS PROBLEM SET AND TONS OF OTHER STUFF, BUT HEY IT’S THIS BLOG’S 4TH BIRTHDAY, SO FUCK IT FOR LIKE 30 MINUTES.
THIS POST IS ALL OVER THE PLACE AND I DOUBT ANYONE WILL READ IT FROM BEGINNING TO THE END WITHOUT SKIPPING, BUT IT’S MY DRAMATIC 4TH ANNIVERSARY POST, SO IT’S FINE.
I’D ALSO LIKE TO THANK ALL MY FOLLOWERS AND READERS FOR READING MY POSTS! A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO TAKE THE TIME TO COMMENT! I’M REALLY JUST AN AMATEUR AND ALL I WANT IS TO RANT MY HEART OUT AND SOMEHOW HELP PEOPLE IN THE END, SO YEAH. THANK YOU SO MUCH AND I HOPE YOU KEEP READING!
WELL, THAT’S ALL. HAHAHA. BACK TO REALITY.. :(:)
Always and Four-ever, The Girl With The Pen
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE
(Note: I found the artwork and the quote from the berlin-artparasites page on Facebook. I don’t own either of them and if you like quotes and artworks, I definitely recommend you to go check the page out.)
“Some days you just have to say ‘fuck it, I did what I could today’ and just let go of all the stuff you wanted to do. Life is too short to be angry with yourself for being human.” —Constantine Spiritworker artwork by Cristina Zavala
I can’t really explain what I’m feeling right now, not only because I lack the words to properly describe it, but also because it’s a complete mess. It’s like I’m experiencing a constant change of emotions and various thoughts are running through my mind all at the same time. Honestly, I’d say that I’m quite a mess, at the moment, but I’m getting by and hanging in there, so I’ll be fine.
I hate when I over think stuff. It makes everything worse than it really is. I don’t want to think about how long I’d have to be in college before I graduate (technically speaking, it would be at least, and hopefully at most, five years). I don’t want to think about all the stuff I have to do before graduating (an endless list, really). I don’t want to dwell on whether or not I’ll be left behind again. I really just want to shut away these thoughts in some box and ship it to somewhere far. But, it’s really just all inside me, and it’s awful.
Why am I even writing this seemingly pointless post? Well, besides wanting to keep even these kinds of memories in my blog, I want to leave a somewhat inspirational resolution to this rather annoying feeling. If you’re going through the same things as I am, I hope it’ll somehow help you out a bit, too.
Sure, I have a lot to go through before graduating and getting a job, and even more after all of that. That’s basically life. It’s always going to be filled with both good and bad stuff. We can’t control that, but we can control how we react and feel about the things that happen in our life.
I’m in college. I’m constantly meeting new people, exploring new places, coming across new experiences, and learning new things, both in academics and in life. There’s always something new in each and every day. And, though it’s not always a good day, there’s certainly something good and something to be happy about everyday.
I’m in college. Though my schedules more free than it was in high school, I find that there is never enough time. I have classes up until 7 in the evening and I stay in an apartment, rather than going home. I have exams and projects here and there. And I have to suffer all of these things for five more years.
Do you understand what I mean? See, both of those statements are true, for me. And though it’s not always easy to see the brighter side of things, it’s much better than dwelling upon the negative things and ending up feeling really depressed.
As the quote above says, sometimes you’ve just got to give yourself a break from all that self-hate and just settle with what you managed to do today, despite all those things that keep bothering you. Rather than looking at the terribly long and high staircase that you need to climb and being intimidated by it, just take one step at a time. Trust me.
Set what you want to achieve, do what you can manage to do today, see the points where you can improve, and then do better tomorrow. And before you know it, you’re already climbing up those stairs. As Theodore Roosevelt said, “Believe that you can and you’re already halfway there”.
Reading my own words, I sound quite hypocritical. How can I be giving you advice on how to deal with these sorts of things when I, myself, haven’t really figured out anything yet, right? Well, I admit that I’m a mere work in progress, but maybe by writing all of this, we can work on improving ourselves and living a life without any regrets.
Also, I kind of have this desire that one day people will see me as a reason why they didn’t give up on life, as an inspiration of sorts. I know it’s rather selfish, but that’s what I want. And besides, to make that happen, I’ll have to do my best, as well.
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE
(Note: This post, like any other of my posts, is just purely my thoughts, emotions, realizations, opinions, and such. You don’t have to necessarily agree with them and please don’t judge me for my way of thinking. Let’s just all get along and respect each others’ beliefs. Your cooperation is very much appreciated.)
As human beings, we all have our own strengths and weaknesses, whether we like it or not. One of the weaknesses that we may experience is “selfishness”. According to the website of Merriam-Webster, selfish means “concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others”. I believe that everyone, no matter how good they seem to be, is selfish to some degree. And that’s only normal.
Of course being overly selfish is terrible, but you can’t help admit that you’ve at least thought of selfish thoughts or acted in a selfish manner. Who doesn’t want to get their way? From when we were babies crying to be fed or to be paid attention to when we are (young) adults and mope when we don’t get what we want. It’s practically in our genes. It really cannot be helped that we are selfish to a certain degree.
With all that being said, despite being selfish, we must understand that other people have their own priorities in life, too. Like us, they go struggle through different problems, they have people they love and treasure, and they have a life that they have, by all means, they right to live it. If there are things important to you, they also have things important to them.
I’m not saying that you should always give in to other people’s demands and sacrifice your own happiness, rather I’m helping you realize that, before selfishly thinking about yourself, you should also consider the thoughts, feelings, and opinions of those around you. For example, before throwing a trauma at your mom for not allowing you to go to your class’ outing, think of how tired she is, coming from work, and how she’s only thinking of your safety and well-being. Or maybe when a friend couldn’t come to a hang out you planned because (s)he had other plans that are more important to him/her.
Think before you say or do anything irrational. Yes, you might be hurt because life’s being cruel to you and doesn’t let you get your way. Thoughts like “WHY DIDN’T SHE LET ME GO? DOESN’T SHE TRUST ME?!” or “WHY CAN’T (S)HE GO? DAMMIT! I BADLY WANTED TO HANG OUT WITH HIM/HER!” may cross your mind. Sulk and cry all you want. But, after that, you can become a better person and feel better by compromising a bit, like getting closure with your mom and talk openly about stuff. Maybe she’d understand how badly you want to attend the outing and let you go with a chaperon. Or maybe reschedule the hang out with your friend.
This world is cruel and unruly as it is. We can rise above it by acting rationally and, rather than purely being selfish, consider the people around us. Honestly, I know how hard it is. It’s really hard pushing yourself to think rationally and compromise with the other parties involved. For one, my siblings and I always argue about who gets to use the computer and if we would play board games as family time. We all have our selfish thoughts and reasons for being the way we are, but, again, we must consider the people around us. Being the eldest, it’s really conflicting battle of “I’m eldest and I get what I want.. ALWAYS!!” and “I’m eldest, so I have to be the mature and rational one”.
It’s always gonna be tough, but I think, the people who you give way for would really appreciate it. They might be strangers that needed a ride and you gave let them have the taxi you stopped on a rainy day, classmates who didn’t understand the lesson and you agreed to tutor them, even if it was during your free time and you could have been out enjoying, or your parents that desperately needed a break and you did the chores they were supposed to do. You really don’t know what they’re going through in their life, but by making them feel special or happy because you did something unselfish.
I’ll end this post with a quote that is slowly but surely influencing the way I live my life:
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE
I made this blog exactly two years from now, and I’ve been writing in it ever since. Honestly, I couldn’t imagine life without this blog, and I wouldn’t ever know what it would be like. I know I don’t post here as often as I did when I started, but this year has been such a hassle and I didn’t really feel inspired to write. But, this blog has been helping me survive life by providing me my very own space to fill with words expressing my thoughts and emotions. Writing in this blog has given me someone to talk to when I feel like absolute crap, when I feel so alone, when I realize something rather amazing, and the like. This is like my online diary that other people could read and relate to. I’d say that it’s my companion while I grow up because as I write in this blog, time goes by and things change. I somehow document stuff and milestones in my life through this blog.
This blog is like the pictures I take, it’s permanent. Whatever happens, whatever changes, this blog would remain the same. In the future, I could re-read the posts I wrote when I felt depressed, the posts I wrote when something fantastic happened, etc. This is like my portal to my brain and my heart before it changes. I don’t always read my past posts because I’m too lazy to read everything, but when I do, I remember those memories, and just smile.
I’m going to college next year, which means that I’ll take some entrance exams later this year and I’m dead nervous. Those tests define my future and, whatever happens, I’d like to know that I’ve done my best. I don’t know what’s in store for me, but I really hope that I don’t mess anything up. I feel like these things are happening too fast. It feels too real now and I have to do everything I can to pass those tests.
Why did I say those stuff? Well, in the future, I’ll be reading this and would probably be smiling because present me has no idea what the future holds for me. I really wish I could gather my shit enough to not fuck up.
Hmm.. what would this blog be like a year from now? Would I still be posting? Would I feel happy because I already know what my university would be? Would I be sad because I didn’t get in my dream university? I guess I have no way of knowing.
I don’t know what else to write. Basically, this blog is a compilation of my thoughts and emotions in different points in time. A lot of people have influenced me, thus influencing this blog, and I thank each and every one of them. A friend and I both made our blogs at almost the same time, but she didn’t even last the first year, which is sad because she was a much better writer than I am.
To future me, whatever happens, whatever goes down, I’d like you to continue writing in this blog because it can release some of that stress from you and just make you relax a bit. It’s usually fun having a blog, except for the bad times when someone close to you reads it and feels like he/she needs to talk to you about what you’re posting here, but he/she is just doing that for your sake and you should understand that. I know that you can be so depressed and lonely, at times, so know that you are not alone and you have close friends that you could always talk to.
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE