Almost a Month…

I’ve almost gone a month without posting anything here and what is happening?? I’ve been so busy with college and recently, I’ve been eating out more with friends. These past few weeks have been really stressful (Engineering Drawing, Math, and Physics please huhu) but it’s also been quite fun, mostly during the times when I’m not cramming anything. Still, I haven’t written anything in weeks and that’s not good.

I just finished my Physics exam today and though I’m not really confident with it, IT’S FINALLY OVER! For the next exam, I have got to remember not to cram everything in (less than) one night. Horrible, I tell you.

So just a little update with what’s up. Not that I need to update you. Just for when I look back at this post, I guess haha. I’m done with the 3rd exam in Math, 2nd exam in Engineering Drawing, 2nd exam in Physics, and I’ve gone to a military camp! This week we celebrated my friend’s birthday at a board games place and it’s the FOURTH time I’ve been there! Not that I’m tired of it. The place is really awesome and being with friends makes every time more amazing!

 

I guess this is it for now. I feel like updating my story in wattpad with another oneshot chapter, so you guys should check it out! Thanks!

How About Love?

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

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Nobody said it was easy~

As the semester comes to an end, so do I. Honestly, I’m literally dead during the weekday and only come alive during the weekends that are really too short. It’s really sad, actually. And I don’t know how I’m actually going be able to fix it. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this hopeless in my life. Sure, I’m a pessimistic optimist, but this time around, it’s like I’m on the verge of giving up. GIVING UP. Old me would probably kill me if she reads me write that. Funny how that phrase contains the reason why I’m struggling right now and the reason why I’ve been struggling so hard, so far.

So, college isn’t the dream come true that I thought it would feel like. I got in my dream university and now I’ve got to stay in for AT MOST 5 years. I didn’t really think this ahead. Why did I grow up wanting to go the uni anyway? Why did I grow loving it?

What if I didn’t?

BUT those thoughts stop there. Because I do know why I chose it, besides the fact that it was the only school I knew until- what- fourth grade? I chose it because it’s one of the most amazing universities, recognized internationally. I chose it because I believe that it will my future as bright as it could possibly be. I chose it because, for me, there’s nowhere to go but (hihi).. I chose it and I am not giving up. 

Whatever happening isn’t anyone’s fault by my own. My family has been nothing but supportive and loving. My friends, let’s just say they help keep my sanity in check. And God, above anything and anyone else, guides me to the path that He has prepared before me, protects me and my family, and supports me every single time, without fail. AND I’M THANKFUL FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.

Therefore, if I mess anything up, it’s all me, and I don’t want to mess anything more than I already have. I just reaaally don’t know how to get my shit together. If you guys have some suggestions as to how I can make it possible, please write it down in the comments and I shall try to make it happen (try to the best of my abilities, that is).I would really really appreciate it! Honestly, I’m lost inside a pit of my own creation and it’s hard to climb out.

I regret not studying enough. I regret not knowing enough about Physics, Chemistry, and Math to understand it. I regret all those reaction papers I didn’t write. I regret everything I’ve done wrong during this semester.

But nothing’s over yet. 

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

 

Momentum

While reading my elementary batchmates’ yearbook (which is also my sisters’.. it’s both an elementary and high school, alright?), I felt quite a lot of things: nostalgia- remembering some memories from my elementary days spent with them, that “What If” Feeling- thinking what kind of person I could have been if I had stayed, and sadness- realizing how little I’ve done with my life so far.

See, each graduate has their own page in the book which features a picture of them, some info, a short essay about them, and their achievements. I’m happy for them, OF COURSE I AM! But seeing how they’ve grown so much makes me reflect a bit. While they were off achieving things and doing good, what have I been doing? What the heck have I achieved, so far? I know that I shouldn’t be thinking too lowly of myself cause’ I didn’t achieve nothing, it’s actually something I’m quite proud of, too, but.. it’s like.. I could have done more. I want to do more.

So now, thanks to that, I’m on my toes. I think, right now, I’ve sort of lost my way. I’ve settled with where I am and how I’m doing right now, which is far below average. Where is the me who knew exactly what she wanted and fought long and hard for it? I know I’ve gone quite a long way, but I still have a long way to go and if I want to catch up with the achievements of my batchmates, no actually, if I want to keep chasing after my dreams and to be the woman who I want to be in the future, I cannot settle for this mediocre performance I’m doing right now.

My passion and my dreams, my friends and my family- they give me a purpose in life, a reason to live. And these are the things and people I will fight for and die for and I swear, if I would be the happiest dead person if I die knowing I did all that I could have done, if I lived my life to the fullest.

This is me and this is how I will live my life.

(Note: Okay, so this post is mostly about me, but I meant it for all those who want to do more in their lives and to live it chasing after their dreams, being passionate, and being who they want to be because everyone deserves that. Everyone deserves to live their life the way they want to live it. No, actually, Everyone deserves to live. So many people feel so low about themselves when they’re really so beautiful that it’s so sad.

This post is titled “Momentum” cos I felt that I had so much to say and I know how fast inspiration comes and goes. Hopefully, this post made sense and it helped people somehow.)

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

I’m Falling to Pieces

(Warning: This particular blog post is a complete rant post and I doubt that I’ll be able to write any inspirational shit, even towards the end, so I suggest you read some other post of mine. If you want to read a shitty rant about an university student’s confusion, be my guest.)

So, it’s only been a month and two days into my second semester attending college and I’m an absolute wreck. I honestly don’t know how to proceed with life anymore. I have a Chemistry exam on Monday, a Physics exam next next Monday, and a Math exam next next Wednesday, above everything else. Not to mention that I’m so far behind on my lessons because I’m a student who’s a slow learner and a poor time manager. It’s the worse combination, trust me.

I don’t even know where to begin, at this point in time. I’m stuck in this vortex of hopelessness, stuck between wanting to do the things I want to do and knowing that I have to do the things I need to do. I hope I’m making sense, but who cares.

I know that it’s not the end yet, heck it’s only the beginning, but I don’t know how. I don’t know how to balance it all out. I’ve been settling for what I think I could manage to do every day, but by doing just that won’t get me to the future that I want to be in- a future where I’m an independent strong reliable woman who knows and loves what she does. WITH WHO I AM NOW, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO TO ACHIEVE THAT, HUH?

And, of course, I know the answer to that: I have to work my lazy ass off studying my lessons every day, so that I know what’s up and not struggle to catch up. I need to manage my time more efficiently to be able to do both the things I want to do and the things I need to do. I need to prioritize my to-do list, so I’d know which ones to do first. I have to actually follow my to-do list, so I won’t have to end up cramming everything at the last minute. I have to listen to my mother (because I’ve realized that the cliche saying is actually true- mother knows best, I swear it’s 100% proven, well at least to my mom).

I have to get my shit together because nothing good is going to come out of me not doing my best. Settling isn’t enough. I have to push myself to be able to achieve the goals that I’ve set for myself. It’s my fucking life and I need to get my act straight. If I continue things as it is, I won’t be a better person, I won’t be able to make a positive impact in the world, I won’t have the future that I’ve always dreamed and worked hard for, and everything else that I won’t be able to do and I won’t have JUST because I was unable to fix my life. I’m shattered and I need to somehow get all the pieces of myself back together.

(Note: HAHAHA.. this post is basically a shitty rant, so there’s no need for a note, really. It’s just depressing. I’m a very forgetful person, I forget how shitty I felt and how shitty I feel and end up continuing the shitty feeling. And it’s even worse cause’ it’s 2 AM and I’m still fucking awake. Goodbye for now.)

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE