Flash Post 22: ≈ A Month

I’m both happy and sad that this semester’s almost over. Happy because who doesn’t want a semester full of hell weeks (and class suspensions) to be over? And sad because this has been the best semester I’ve had in a while, in terms of people, schedule, and academic performance. It’s really too soon to say, though, considering that I still need to get more than passing scores for the remaining exams to pass in at least two of my classes. Sure, the stakes are higher than ever for the rest of the semester, but for the first time in a long time, I actually believe that I can manage it, hoping that I get my shit together enough to get through this.

Part of the reason why this semester’s great is the people who do seemingly little things that mean a lot to me, the new friends I’ve met only this semester but have become rays of sunshine to my day, the close friends who’re always there for me in more ways than one, and, of course, my family who’re constantly supporting me and challenging me to do my best in everything I do. They might not realize it and I might not always tell them or show them, but I am very blessed to have them in my life and I’m very grateful for the things they do.

Only around a month to go and I really need not to mess this up. Well, I’m aiming for better than not mess it up, but that’s probably the least that I can do. I don’t want my efforts to be for naught.

Just one month. Just a bit more to go.

I guess I’m posting this to thank the people who make my days a lot brighter, to motivate myself to do more than survive, to make myself believe that I’m actually capable of managing the rest of this semester, to prove to myself that I can actually write something that isn’t about the guy I like, and a whole lot of reasons. Well, except to finish my write-up for the art gallery visit because this obviously isn’t it.

There’s a lot of good things and bad things about this semester, a lot of good days and not-so good days, and I guess liking him is like that too – heartwarming and heartbreaking.

And… I’ve failed to finish this post without mentioning him, but he’s been a huge part of this semester and I can’t set that aside. ありがとうございました。 私はあなたがとても好きです。

さようなら~!!

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

Disclaimer: I don’t understand much of the Japanese language. I neither speak nor write in Japanese on a regular basis. The translation was generated through Google Translate.

 

 

P.S. Happy November!!!

 

 

 

 

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Flash Post 017: Failures & Jenga

So it’s been a month and 12 days since school started and I’m still relatively okay. I’ve failed an exam already and I’m pretty sure I also failed the other exam I took on the same day, BUT I did pass one exam. I know 1 passed exam and 2 failed exams isn’t a particularly good start, but that’s exactly it! It’s only the start of the semester and I can still turn things around! I know I failed because I didn’t study enough, so I’ll make sure to study harder for the coming exams.

It’s my first time using my free internet, so I decided to post a flash post cos’ why not? I don’t really have anything to motivate you guys or to rant about, but I’m writing anyway because I love writing and there isn’t any reason why I shouldn’t write right now.

Well, probably statics, but I can study after I finish this haha.

Yesterday, I realized that Jenga isn’t just a game of stacking wooden blocks and taking pieces of it till’ the tower of blocks eventually crumble. No. It also tells something about love. See, the loser in Jenga is the one who causes the tower to fall down due to their move, while in love, for some people, the loser’s the one who falls first. And it’s a really scary thing to fall, well for me, at least, because you’re suddenly in this state of imbalance in all, or some, aspects of life wherein a single move can break you into pieces.

BUT the good thing about it is that when you fall, it’s not impossible for you to put yourself together again. You’ve got to learn from it and move on. It’s not an easy thing to do, I know, but it’s possible and if Jenga blocks can be stacked back together, so can we. It isn’t the best analogy, but it makes sense.. right?

Well, it’s a good thing I’ve never fallen for someone who does not and will never like me back HAHAHA.. *looks at past posts, especially the ones written by high school me*.. Umm… Well.. at least I’m good at constantly putting myself together again HA..

But seriously, I’ve never fallen THAT hard for someone and I hope that when I do, if I do, I’ll fall for a person that likes me back.

Besides the Jenga logic, I’d also like to give a shout out to all the people who help me get through life one day at a time. To those who help me understand the lessons, who make the class fun by being bubbly and energetic, who sit beside me and occasionally converse with me, who agree to me riding with them even though we’re not that close, to those who agreed to be partners with me (SERIOUS LIFESAVERS RIGHT HERE!!), to the one who I think is trying to reject me in a friendly way, and to everyone else who do seemingly little things that mean a lot to me — THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

I should probably make a “Thank you!~” board or something because, really, without my family, friends, and these acquaintances (friends, really, but I don’t know how you feel about me) of mine, I don’t think I’d make it through a day. Seriously.

It might look like I’ve got loads of free time, but I don’t. And I should probably improve my time management skills ASAP. Hopefully, I’ll be able to post “My Favorite Things 00X” soon because I noticed I haven’t written one in a while.

Till’ next time~~~

ALSO, I haven’t slept in class for two days in a row and that’s a record for me already haha. I did have coffee today, but it still counts…

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LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

W02Y03

Two weeks into the semester of my third year in college and I’m alright. I still have my sanity intact and I haven’t fucked up, last time I checked. I don’t really intend to fuck up this semester, or any semester (past and future) for that matter. Sometimes, I just do. But I’ll try my hardest not to this semester onward… Well, rather I’ll try my best this semester onward haha.

I’ve just recently realized that binge watching The Flash during weekdays (AND weekends) isn’t such a good idea. It basically just replaced KDrama and anime as my “Ah lemme give myself some slack during dinner” bad habit. I love the series and I love the characters and I love the plot (well, I’m kinda if-y about it rn), but I have to study and practice more, especially since I’m taking the subject that I dropped last semester and re-taking a class that I failed last semester, too. I’m already in season three tho so I might binge watch it this long weekend HAHAHA… after studying ;).

Lately, I’ve been feeling more “out of place” at a certain place. Hmm well I’ve never really felt “in place” at that certain place, but I think I’ve forgotten how it felt like ’till now. I mean, there are times when I feel like I belong there and I love being part of something as great as that group, but during regular days, it’s just a bit depressing. A friend of mine asked me if I’d join the same group if I had a choice (time travel or something) and when I first thought about it, I couldn’t imagine not joining that group because of how long I’ve been part of it. It’s not an “no”, but it’s not a definite answer either. But now my answer would be a “yes”, but I would probably change most of the stuff I did wrong and didn’t do in the past. I’m not asking for an out, just a redo. But that isn’t possible now either. I guess all I can do now is to adapt (which is a REALLY hard thing to do) and to improve myself. How I feel about that place isn’t their fault AT ALL, it’s just me and I need to do something about it.

Also, for this post, I wanted to appreciate all the people in my life. First of all, I’d like to thank my family. Yes, we fight A LOT (we’ve been fighting more recently), but no matter how intense and hurtful and hurt we can get, I love them so much and I can’t imagine a life without them. (I tried not crying while writing that, but I failed.)

Secondly, I’d like to also thank my best friends, especially my best guy friend and my best friend who stays with me even though she knows that there is never a moment where I’m “calm, cool, collected” (there’s just messy and really f*cking messy), for keeping me relatively sane. Although I don’t get to see most of them often, I make the time to chat with them and invite them to hang out cos I’m clingy af.

Thirdly, a big “thank you” to the people I’m not that close with (See, I’d consider them all friends, but I don’t know if they feel the same way) but who make everyday more enjoyable. Thank you for letting me ride with you to places, for letting me drag you to spontaneous dinners, for helping me with school works, for having delightful conversations with me, and for making the walk to class less tiring and actually fun.

I’m very grateful to these people and extremely thankful for having been blessed with such amazing people in my life. So for the last (but certainly not the least) thank you, I’d like to thank God for these people and for guiding and protecting and blessing me every single day. I commit sins and make mistakes, but I am a child of God and I believe in His word. Things might seem difficult, right now, but God has a bright future planned for me and I’m going to trust Him.

So there you have it! My supposed flash post that became the basic summary of how my life rn is going. I know I swore a lot, then ended with a very religious paragraph. See, I haven’t sworn off swearing completely, but verbally, I’m swearing a bit less haha.

Before I end this post, let me just include some gifs cos I love how I can include gifs in my posts now XD.

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I hope you have a great day and amazing life cos you deserve it!

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE



Note: I guess I’m addicted to gifs now HAHAHA. *Insert stuff I can’t include here.. here”. And, if you’re still reading, I made the title “W02Y03” cos it’s the second week of my third year and I’ve been binge watching flash XD.

Also, if you’re not Christian, I completely respect your religious views and I hope you do the same for mine. LET’S SHARE LOVE AND HAPPINESS TO EVERYONE!!!

 

Please

For the first time in my life, I want to try to sincerely understand something I’ve never understood, something I’ve never actually cared enough about. Sure, I’ve heard about it from here and there, saw a few videos related to it, and what not, but I’ve never actually considered it to be important to me mainly because it doesn’t really affect me or the people around me. What they say is true-Ignorance is bliss-but it’s selfish and self-centered to think that way about this type of matter.

This isn’t just another rant post, rather a serious post written by a person who knows nothing about what’s happening to the world she lives in, someone who wasn’t really interested in knowing about it until quite recently. What I want to know about, to understand, and to do something about is war. 

War isn’t something to be romanticized! It isn’t supposed to be written as some side story for a fictional book as some sort of conflict. It should be featured as it is. People should be aware-no, rather alarmed- with what is happening to some places in the world today. This is knowledge that is just as essential as Math and Science and it should be as relayed as the new celebrity news and hottest gossips.

People need to know and do what they can. We can’t trap ourselves in some illusion where everything is alright and continue to brush aside the people whose reality is war. Their lives are being destroyed, both literally and in terms of emotional and mental trauma, while most of us, especially the people reading this, are blessed with a home, the luxury of being able to use some sort of electronic device, and everything else.

I’m sorry I don’t really know how to phase it as right and as intense and urgent as I mean to. My point is that everyone should be alarmed with what’s happening to some countries in the world right now, what’s happening to the people who live in those countries. Just imagine if you and those you hold dear were in their shoes. Imagine. And then realize that that is what’s happening to them and to their loved ones right now.

So yes, here I am, a person who’s ignorant and who was barely sympathetic with it all just a while ago. I can’t even write a post about it properly because even till’ now, what I know about it doesn’t even scratch the surface. I want to know about it. I want to understand. I want to be disturbed by it. I want to realize how grave it really is.

Please help me to understand. Please enlighten me. Please voice out your thoughts about it. Please.

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Questions

What have I done with my life, so far?

I can’t help but question myself whenever I see people, that I know, travelling, chasing after their dreams, doing something for the betterment of others, and what not. I am in awe of them because they’re off doing amazing things. They’re wonderful, really, and I want to be like that, too- wonderful.

How can I actually improve myself?

Awareness and acceptance is the first step to self-improvement, I think. I also need a very legit reason to do so, something I can hold onto when things get difficult. See, it’s not only physical appearance I’m talking about, but also my attitude towards people and things, such as academics.

What comes after that? The hard part- the execution. It’s really not easy to change oneself, especially when you’re as stubborn, indecisive, and forgetful as me. I’m awful, really. And sometimes, I think of myself as a hypocrite- how can I be writing about big things while I’m still a work in progress? I’ll just leave that unanswered because I don’t know how to.

I’m going to have to face a lot of obstacles on my way to improving myself, most of which will be the obstacles that I myself have set before me- self-doubt, insecurity, selfishness, and the like. But somehow, hopefully, I’ll get by.

Why would I go to such measures just to improve myself?

Why? Well, simply because I’m not satisfied with who I am right now. I dislike who I am as a person and how I’m living my life. I want to do better. I know I can.

I want to get out of my comfort zone. I want to make new friends. I want to help other people. I want to explore new places. I want to try new things (legal, of course). I want to make a difference. I want to be passionate about something. I want to publish books. I want to spend time with my family and friends. AND SO MUCH MORE!

And I feel that the me right now won’t be able to do all those things.

 

(Note: I HAVE A CHEMISTRY (DISCUSSION) EXAM NEXT MONDAY, A MATH EXAM NEXT NEXT FRIDAY, AND A CHEMISTRY (LAB EXAM) AND A PHYSICS EXAM NEXT NEXT NEXT MONDAY!! NOT TO MENTION THAT IT’S FINALS WEEK NEXT NEXT NEXT NEXT WEEK!!

Gods, I just want this semester to end. Please. I don’t know how I’m going to survive and I don’t know how I can make my grades survive with me, but I need to manage to do that somehow.

And this post looks like I’m talking to myself or whatever. I hope at least one of you readers could relate and I hope this post helped you somehow cos it really looks like I’m talking to myself and that’s just sad, really.)

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

7 Days

Eighty Thousand, Six Hundred Forty Seconds; One Thousand, Three Hundred Forty-Four Minutes; One Hundred Sixty-Eight Hours; Seven days

Out of the 131 days of my summer this year, a mere seven days is all I have left. Just seven days before I start college.

At the moment, I’m having quite a difficult time processing all of this. I know that I’ve already graduated high school. I know that I am privileged and blessed to attend my dream university. I know that I’ll have to review a bit so that I don’t make a fool of myself. I know that I’ll meet new people and have new experiences in college. But, the thing that I can’t process is that all of this will be starting in seven days.

This is really overwhelming. I’m not so sure why I’m writing this down in my blog, but eh, maybe after all of this, I’ll go back to this post and laugh my ass off for being so anxious, nervous, and excited at the same time.

So far in my life, I’ve committed tons of mistakes (some over and over again), experienced loads of stuff that caused me to become sad and depressed, regretted things along the way, and have continuously proved that I am a human with flaws and weaknesses.

I know that while my heart is still beating and I’m still alive, there are more shitty stuff that I’ll experience in the future. There’ll be times when I’ll want to just give up and quit. And that’s when I’ll need to hold on to my dreams and fight as hard as I possibly can, the most.

In seven days, I’ll be starting another chapter of my life. A lot can happen. And I am both excited and nervous for it af. I’ll just have to keep my shit together and do my best to face anything head on!

I’ll be leaving you with one of my favorite quotes from “Angel Beats!”:

“I only have one chance to have my life, and it’s right here. It’s the only life I have. This is my life. I can’t give it to anyone else, It can’t be stolen, I can’t force it on anyone, or forget it, or make it disappear, or trample on it, or laugh it away, or beautify it. I have no choice but to accept this one cruel, meaningless life! That’s why I will fight, and why I will continue fighting.” -Yuri Nakamura

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

(Un)Selfish

(Note: This post, like any other of my posts, is just purely my thoughts, emotions, realizations, opinions, and such. You don’t have to necessarily agree with them and please don’t judge me for my way of thinking. Let’s just all get along and respect each others’ beliefs. Your cooperation is very much appreciated.)

As human beings, we all have our own strengths and weaknesses, whether we like it or not. One of the weaknesses that we may experience is “selfishness”. According to the website of Merriam-Webster, selfish means “concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself :  seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others”. I believe that everyone, no matter how good they seem to be, is selfish to some degree. And that’s only normal.

Of course being overly selfish is terrible, but you can’t help admit that you’ve at least thought of selfish thoughts or acted in a selfish manner. Who doesn’t want to get their way? From when we were babies crying to be fed or to be paid attention to when we are (young) adults and mope when we don’t get what we want. It’s practically in our genes. It really cannot be helped that we are selfish to a certain degree.

With all that being said, despite being selfish, we must understand that other people have their own priorities in life, too. Like us, they go struggle through different problems, they have people they love and treasure, and they have a life that they have, by all means, they right to live it. If there are things important to you, they also have things important to them.

I’m not saying that you should always give in to other people’s demands and sacrifice your own happiness, rather I’m helping you realize that, before selfishly thinking about yourself, you should also consider the thoughts, feelings, and opinions of those around you. For example, before throwing a trauma at your mom for not allowing you to go to your class’ outing, think of how tired she is, coming from work, and how she’s only thinking of your safety and well-being. Or maybe when a friend couldn’t come to a hang out you planned because (s)he had other plans that are more important to him/her.

Think before you say or do anything irrational. Yes, you might be hurt because life’s being cruel to you and doesn’t let you get your way. Thoughts like “WHY DIDN’T SHE LET ME GO? DOESN’T SHE TRUST ME?!” or “WHY CAN’T (S)HE GO? DAMMIT! I BADLY WANTED TO HANG OUT WITH HIM/HER!” may cross your mind. Sulk and cry all you want. But, after that, you can become a better person and feel better by compromising a bit, like getting closure with your mom and talk openly about stuff. Maybe she’d understand how badly you want to attend the outing and let you go with a chaperon. Or maybe reschedule the hang out with your friend.

This world is cruel and unruly as it is. We can rise above it by acting rationally and, rather than purely being selfish, consider the people around us. Honestly, I know how hard it is. It’s really hard pushing yourself to think rationally and compromise with the other parties involved. For one, my siblings and I always argue about who gets to use the computer and if we would play board games as family time. We all have our selfish thoughts and reasons for being the way we are, but, again, we must consider the people around us. Being the eldest, it’s really conflicting battle of “I’m eldest and I get what I want.. ALWAYS!!” and “I’m eldest, so I have to be the mature and rational one”.

It’s always gonna be tough, but I think, the people who you give way for would really appreciate it. They might be strangers that needed a ride and you gave let them have the taxi you stopped on a rainy day, classmates who didn’t understand the lesson and you agreed to tutor them, even if it was during your free time and you could have been out enjoying, or your parents that desperately needed a break and you did the chores they were supposed to do. You really don’t know what they’re going through in their life, but by making them feel special or happy because you did something unselfish.

I’ll end this post with a quote that is slowly but surely influencing the way I live my life:

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LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE