About a year ago. I thought of myself as a person who does most things halfheartedly – intentionally settling for mediocrity because, for reasons, I wasn’t willing to give any extra effort to the things I was doing. I don’t know when I turned from being a sincere person who does her best in everything.. to that. I’d say I lost sight of my dreams and who I wanted to be. I didn’t see the value of what I was doing and how my choices would affect my future. I gave myself too much slack, only worsening my already awful time management skills.
This year, I’ve realized that I’m surrounded by extremely passionate people who work together to achieve common goals that would not only make them proud of their hard work and efforts, but also inspire and motivate other people to become as passionate and committed as they are. I’ve conversed with people who are in love with what they’re doing, making them enjoy it rather than seeing it as work. In short, these people have inspired me to passionately immerse myself into the things that I do and to run after my dreams again, to some degree.
I say all that, but I don’t really understand what I’m passionate about, at the moment. I mean, of course I should be passionate about my course and writing, and all that, but how do you continue to fuel your passion to the point where it actually pushes you to do more?
To be honest, I’m studying for an exam, but a friend of mine told me how wonderful it would be if we can share the word of God to the people with a certain feeling of being so filled with it that we have no other choice but to share it with other people. She compared it with how I couldn’t help sharing with them the stuff that happens with the guy I like. AND HONESTLY THAT MADE ME UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE WAS TRYING TO CONVEY BECAUSE I HONESTLY CAN’T DO ANYTHING BUT TALK ABOUT OR WRITE ABOUT HIM 24/7.
I like him a lot and maybe, in a while, I can express it properly through words. He’s constantly running through my mind. While I’m sort of sad that I can’t think, talk about, and write about anything else but him… Actually, at this point, it’s just really sad how it’s come to this and this is all going to be over soon. There’s no consolation in liking someone THIS MUCH and knowing that, after this, all you’ll have is the memories.
WELL THIS POST TOOK A ROUGH TURN. Basically, my point is that it would be really great if I can be as passionate about something ACTUALLY FULFILLING as I am about him. Not that this isn’t worthwhile, it just sort of hurts now and there’s nothing else to do but let it out through writing and eventually move on.
HOPEFULLY, in my next post, I’ll be able to write about something other than him because I need to prove to myself that I can do it, so I will.
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE
I’ve made a lot of mistakes in life and I’m gonna make loads more mistakes, but supporting a fellow Filipino on his journey of pursuing his passion in figure skating is not one of them. Sure, it’s highly unlikely that I’d ever buy stuff and ship them internationally for someone I don’t personally know, but I have little to no regrets in doing so for him.
I have to make this shorter than all my other flash posts (cos’ of my statics exam later DX), but this post is dedicated to no other than Michael Christian Martinez. He became famous for being the FIRST skater in the Winter Olympics to come from Southeast Asia and the ONLY Filipino athlete to compete in said competition back in 2014. It’s been a lot of years since then and yet he’s still chasing after his dreams in figure skating – constantly pushing himself to exceed his limits and achieve his goals.
Sadly, he wasn’t able to qualify for next year’s Winter Olympics. Only 6 slots were left after the Worlds 2017, which skaters fought for in the recent Nebelhorn Trophy 2017. He got 8th place out of 26 competitors which isn’t bad, but it didn’t earn him a slot in the Winter Olympics either.
A lot of people are hating on him for focusing more on his appearance than his actual skating and for spending too much time vlogging, and admittedly, I sometimes do think that he needs to focus more on skating than anything else. But we don’t see everything that goes on in his life. I’m sure he works hard both on and off the ice, but he also deserves to live his life like everyone else. Sure, he’s a skater and a really good one, at that, but he’s also a 20-year old human being trying to live his life the way he wants to do so.
Now, I’ve watched his performances and, personally, I think they’re two of the best he’s done in a while. Forgive me for not being that acquainted with specific figure skating terms and for my lack of skills to actually describe performances properly. All I can say that I saw him give his all in both of the programs and it warms my heart to see him that happy on ice – doing what he loves doing – especially after his short program. And his Biellmann spin was magnificent, as always.
So yes, he didn’t get in, but as they say “When one door closes, two doors open.” He didn’t get this one, but God has a lot in store for him, like he has for you and me, so I hope Michael would just keep trusting God and working hard towards his passion.
Michael, if ever you’re reading this (which I highly doubt because you’re too busy doing your thing haha), I’m proud of you and I’m sure a lot of people, especially Filipinos, are proud of you, too. Don’t let the hate get you down cos’ you’re better than that. Just keep chasing your dreams because you’re inspiring a lot of people, myself included. I’m glad to see you enjoy giving it your all out there and I’m sure there’s a lot more to come for you. Good luck in all your endeavors and we’re just gonna be here to support you all the way. May God bless you always~! ❤
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE
Also, if you haven’t seen his performances yet, here they are:
(Well, I gotta go back to studying cos’ I have an exam later. There are times when it’s harder for me to study for a class because I failed the first exam TERRIBLY.. This is one of those times.. But I’ll live, I guess.. Till’ next time~)
I’m failing at least one class this semester and all but two, at the most. Unfortunately, I’m not exaggerating about that and this is, for sure, my worst semester in college, regarding academics. I’d like to call this my rock bottom semester cause’ I seriously don’t think any semester could be as remotely bad as this one. This is the last wake up call semester I need for me to do more than get my shit together.
I don’t actually know what I’m gonna do after getting my grades for this semester. I actually don’t know what the consequences of the grades would be, so I don’t know what I can do about it either. But I’ve learned a lot of things this semester, realizing most of it by the end of it, so that’s what this post is going to be about.
1. “Time management is key.” AF
I remember saying that my resolution this year is to manage my time more wisely, but as you can probably infer, I failed horribly. I wasn’t able to manage my time and prioritize the things and ended up procrastinating and cramming everything in the last minute. This tip is probably a cliche for college students, like me, by now, but it’s easier said than done and I, personally, I need to be reminded of this every. single. minute. And more specifically, time management should consider EVERYTHING, such as spontaneous getaways and emergencies. Planning to finish the projects just by the nick of time or planning an all-nighter to finish studying for an exam falls under the poor time management category. Plan and schedule your time in a realistic way, considering, as I said, E V E R Y T H I N G.
2. Study. EVERYDAY FREAKING DAY.
Okay, so this might sound unreasonable to some, but I honestly need to study everyday. I sleep usually fall asleep during my classes, which is a terrible habit of mine I’ve had since preschool, so I need to catch up with my lessons by allotting more time in studying. Unfortunately, what tends to happen is I eat dinner while watching something, probably a movie or an episode of KDrama, then I end up finishing it and spending a bit more time relaxing. After a few hours, usually at 9 pm, I start studying, then falling asleep on my desk. HORRIBLE.
So, I really need to allot two to four hours of pure studying each day to catch up and to be able to understand the lesson and to get enough practice. And to not cram chapters worth of lessons in one night, or four hours before an exam.
3. Take GENUINE interest in what you’re learning.
I went to my classes. I tried not to sleep in my classes. I tried studying for my classes. But I honestly didn’t like my classes. If it weren’t required, I wouldn’t have taken the courses I enlisted for this semester. The only class I did like was Accounting and that’s because I’ve been hooked to business since third year high school. So, I think it’s also very important to make yourself interested and passionate about what you’re learning. I know that’s a rather challenging thing to do, especially when you’re pursuing a course that wasn’t your choice, but to make the semester a bit less painful, we’ve gotta try to like the classes we have to stick with for the duration of the semester.
4. Make time for you and your passions, too.
While school, family, and social life are important, you’re well-being is as important as all of those things. And by making time to make sure you’re well-being is in good condition, I mean to check if your sanity’s still intact, if you’re eating properly and getting close to enough sleep, and if you’re still able to do what you actually are passionate about. Now, when you make time for you, consider the hours of sleep you’d want to have, depending on whether or not it’s a hell week, and squeezing your “relaxation” and leisure activities with the activities related to your passion into a fair amount of time. Because, as I said, I usually get a bit too relaxed and ending up spending more time relaxing than studying.
5. Take a daily dose of positivity!
It might be hell week and/or things might not be going your way, always remember to keep a positive attitude and look at the brighter side of life. Most times, this is easier said than done, like most things, but it’s essential to get through the semester alive. You need to be happy with yourself, to be thankful for all the blessings you have, and to have a fighting spirit all throughout the semester.
6. Spend your money wisely.
Although this isn’t school-related, it’s still a lesson I learned during this semester. I’m constantly saving up for something, which is alright, but I’ve got to be wise about how I spend my money. I went to a convention and spent more than a thousand, I bought a stuffed toy for a person I admire a lot, and now I’m saving up for shipping fees, but to me, who loves anime and likes that person, it’s worth it. Though, in the long run, spending my money on those things aren’t exactly wise. I’m working on it and I’m planning to allot a certain percentage of weekly allowance savings to put in the bank, so yay me.
There you have it, six of the many lessons I’ve learned the hard way this semester. I might not be as well put as I’d want to be and I have miles to go before becoming the woman I want to become in the future, but it’s a start and I’m a work in progress, so to the me who’s trying so hard to figure out what she’s gonna do in life, give your best and be passionate about everything you do today and God will reveal His plans to you at the right time.
I hope this post somehow helped you, too, or at the very least, realize that even though this my life’s kinda messy right now, if I’m getting through it with my head held high and I’m slowly trying to apply the lessons I’ve learned from yesterday’s mistakes, then so should you :). And always remember that you are God’s masterpiece. You are beautiful and you make this world brighter. Things might be shitty right now, but please don’t give up and know that I believe that you will get through whatever challenge it is you’re facing.
Till’ the next time~
With so much love, The Girl With The Pen
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE
I’ve lost myself somehow. I don’t know how, or when, but the person typing this out is definitely not the owner of this blog. The Girl With The Pen was someone passionate about writing and everything else she did, who loved the idea of love, and who never once thought of giving up. Where she is now? I wonder.
I over think a lot more than I should, which causes me to enjoy life a lot less. I feel inferior compared to the people around me. I feel trapped inside a box I built for myself. I feel like I’m doing a lot of things halfheartedly. And, really, it’s like I’m just trying to survive. Heck, I can’t even write properly about love and that in itself is a tragedy.
And it’s not how I want to get through life. I want to live life and enjoy it. I want to reciprocate the love I feel from the amazing people in my life and I want to share love to those people who need more of it. I want to laugh at jokes, no matter how corny or ridiculous they may be. I want to be passionate about something and chase my dreams head on. I want to go ahead and do everything I can to live a life with no regrets.
I miss her. I miss the girl who I used to be.
So I’ve decided to stop and take a good look at my life. Is this the way I want things to be? Is this how I want to remember college? Is this how I want to live?
And as I said, it’s not. So I’m going to change it. I know it can’t be that easy, but this is NOT what I want and I can’t afford to not live the only life I have the way I want to live it.
I’m gonna get myself back.
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE
I believe that every person has a dream that they want to reach, some goal that they strive to achieve at all costs. Most likely, people think that they won’t be able to attain they’re dreams for various reasons at one point or another. It could be because they think they’re incapable of actually attaining the goal or because there are outside factors that hinder them from attaining it. Either way, if a person wants to achieve something with all his heart, then he’ll find ways to make it happen.
See, a goal isn’t just something you write down, one day, and set yourself to achieve. No. Of course there’s a reason for setting that certain goal. There may be the involvement of other people, like wanting your parents to be happy and proud of you, or it may also be for your own self-satisfaction. Either way, it’s never just a goal written on some piece of paper.
Then, there’s also those constant standards that you establish for yourself. Remember that the only person you should be competing is yourself. Stop comparing yourself to other people cause’ there’s always, always, going to be someone better than you. Be your own competition and don’t settle for anything less than your standards.
Have you ever been so hungry for something so mouthwatering, that you’d do anything to be able to eat such delicious and exquisite food? Well, that goes the same for goals. It’s not something you just want anymore, rather it’s something you need. You need to attain that goal, or else you’d remain unsatisfied and unhappy.
You need to hold on to those things– to the reason why you decided to go for it in the first place, to the standards you’ve fixed, which will determine whether or not your performance is acceptable, and that hunger and desire for that gratifying indulgence because here’s the painful and ugly truth: It’s not easy to fight for your dreams, at all. For sure, there will be troubles, rejections, and doubts in your way. There will be days when you feel like you can’t keep going anymore, that you just want to sulk at a corner and give up. And those are the times where your strength, determination, and perseverance will be tested. Those are the times when you need to get your shit together, hold on to your dreams, and fight with all your might.
How do you strengthen and increase your courage to struggle for your dreams? You will need constant learning and guidance towards the direction of what you want to achieve. “I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.” is a quote from Socrates, one of the quotes I live by. See, when there’s this continuous and unending desire to learn when you know that you know nothing, that you have yet to know more things. But, when you think that you know everything, then that’s it. Isn’t it better to be able to go on a longer, yet, more fruitful journey? If you continue to enhance your skills related to the dream you want to achieve, then you’d be able gain enough self-confidence to face the challenges that come with that dream head on. While doing that, maybe you’d find new reasons to pursue that dream or even find new and higher dreams.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is that you should be able to dream as high as you want. If you really want to achieve those dreams, then you’d fight with all you’ve got for it. You need to remember the reason why you want to reach that dream, the standards you’ve made to live by, and that yearning to achieve that dream. And constant strive for learning is also essential to be able to keep battling for your dreams.
Yoroshiku onegai shimasu~ Ganbatte~
(NOTE: I was inspire to write something about chasing after your dreams and constantly striving for your passion after watching the 12th episode of “Shokugeki no Souma”. It’s definitely more than just an anime. Sure it will starve you and make you crave for delicious food, but it’s absolutely something greater than that. I am loving it and I definitely recommend you to watch/read it.)
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE
How do you express all those thoughts and feelings that you have? What makes you feel wholesome? What can make you instantly feel much better after a day of sadness? What do you do that makes you feel alive?
No one is good at everything, but, surely, everyone is good at something. Whether it’s playing a musical instrument, playing sports, making a work of art, or writing literature. Absolutely, all human beings must have something that they love doing. Heck, they don’t necessarily have to be good at it. As long as it makes them feel that they are alive and breathing, isn’t that considered as their passion?
Having a passion isn’t always easy. Maybe you’re better than a few people, but there will always be people better than you, higher than you in that imaginary staircase of ranks. With that being said, who the heck cares? You have to ask yourself: Why am I doing this? Who am I doing this for? Once you figure all of that out, you wouldn’t care that people are better than you, because you know that what you’re doing is not for them, not for anyone but yourself.
Realistically speaking, the things that happen in your life can always drag you down. Low grades? Family problems? Friends who don’t value you enough? Yes, that’s all there. One complete package that you have to experience. But, there’s no manual book that says that you have to push you into a pit of despair. No. You have a choice on how you react to what happens to you.
Imagine an empty canvass, a blank music book, a deserted field, and a clean sheet of paper. Now, put all those emotions running through your whole system into what you love to do. Put everything you’ve got into it. Really, when you don’t care what people think, everything you do is a masterpiece. Who the hell cares if you’re not quite good at it? You are able to express those feelings of suffering, pain, and anger into it. That’s what really matters, isn’t it?
Many might say that it’s a waste of time. People would try to convince you into doing something “worthwhile” rather than supporting you with what you do. Don’t be discouraged by them. They don’t understand that what you do is a part of you; Extracting it is a futile attempt because the more you try to eradicate it from yourself, the more you end up hurting.
Do what you love to do and keep doing it no matter what. In the end, would it really be such a regret? We only have one life to live and after that, who the heck knows? Have faith in yourself and do your own thing. What better way is there to live?
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE