The Art of Getting By

*****RANT POST*****
The title of this post is indeed a movie and if you haven’t watched it yet, you probably should. It’s a good movie, especially when your into adolescence, puberty, and other stuff like that.

Anyways, yes, surviving is all that I have been doing for the past week or so. I am barely getting through classes, school works, friends, and family arguments; basically, I am desperately surviving life. Depression has been eating me up, once again, and I really don’t have that much strength to struggle with it. Sometimes, just want to stay at home and spend all my time trying to not to be sad and sleeping. But, of course, I can’t do that. I have got to get all my shit together and do everything that I has got to be done with my best effort.

Often times, I feel unmotivated and uninspired. I don’t really know what I need or what I’m looking for. I try to think positively and find a good reason for me to be excited about school. So far the only reason I can think of are my old classmates from III-Mendel. We don’t hang out as frequently anymore since we’re in different sections and our time for lunch don’t really match. I miss them so much and they’re the reason why I can pull myself together, enough to get me to school.

How can you fight yourself into feeling okay and getting by life? I find it really hard to make everything seem fine when all that pessimism, sadness, and loneliness is just steps behind me. I’m starting to sleep during classes again and I feel that my grades are dropping. I hate myself. Ugh.

I have to be the person I want myself to be. Someone independent, responsible, intellectual, and strong. Someone people would look up to, someone trustworthy. By the looks of it, I have a lot of improvements to do. I really need to get a grip and do my best. It’s better to do everything now, while I can, rather than regret the things I failed to do.

I looked up “Survival” on my blog and it showed a post that I wrote around December 2013 and now, I’m experiencing the same stuff this early in the year. Am I getting more messed up, if that’s even possible? I need more reasons, reasonable reasons to do everything I can in my power to do my best.

I know this is crazy, but I’m starting to envy anime characters and their lives. It just seems so much better than the life I’m living right now. Of course, they’re fictional characters. They were created for entertainment, not to show how reality really is. I’m starting to watch this on-going anime called “Ao Haru Ride” and it’s really interesting. It’s a lovely and serene anime, yet it is also quite heartbreaking.

Okay, okay, I’ll try harder to pull my shit together and do my best in everything I do. I know I can do it. Life isn’t going to take it easy on me; it doesn’t take it easy on anyone. I’ll just have to learn how to dance in the rain; Take on life head on. Wish me luck. Good luck too, readers, with everything that you have got going in your life. I hope everything’s okay with you, guys.

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

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The First Week of the Last Year

I am now in my fourth and last year of high school. This week was pretty stressful because of all the requirements and some assignments. I haven’t been posting on my Facebook pages or blogging here because I’m trying not to procrastinate much this year. This is my very last year of high school and I don’t want to screw it up. I really want to be awarded during recognition and graduation day. Graduation day!! Oh my gods, it’s like yesterday, I was this innocent girl crying because she misses her old school and friends. Now, well honestly speaking, I’m still me, just a bit more knowledgeable, more experienced, less innocent, and straighter hair. I haven’t really grown that much since first year, mostly because of lack of sleep.

But anyways, this week was alright. As of now, I like all my teachers. They seem sort of nice and they teach well. My classmates are okay, too. I have lunch with a few friends from my previous section or, sometimes, the section before that. My class schedule isn’t bad; It’s actually rather a good schedule. Basically, as people would say: 

Moving on to other things; I don’t think I’m over banana boy just yet. I really don’t know why. Whenever I see him, I just get this ridiculous adrenaline and rush away. Honestly, I’ve been trying to avoid him as much as possible because I can’t handle it. He’s been very nice and understanding about me having a crush on him last year, but he (let me rephrase this with “people who know a lot about him”) made it pretty clear that he likes (or maybe even loves) another girl and that he’s really really dedicated to her. In other words, in the end, I’m going to be the one to end up hurt if I don’t stop this right now. Maybe it’s because I just miss him and his familiarity to me? Maybe I just miss the sound of his voice when it breaks, his intelligence about history, and other stuff I liked about him. Okay, it’s over and I think the reason why I can’t say “hi” to him is that because we never actually did say “hi” to each other in a regular basis even before. I’m sure I’ll get over this sometime soon.

I’m also doing this “Weekend Bucketlist” thing where I list stuff I want to try during the weekends on the back of my notebook and try them. It’s mostly composed of music and movies this week. I’m hoping that it would make weekends more fun and less boring since I can try a lot of new stuff. 

The college exam is two months away. I need to continue studying during weekends and not screw up. I cannot screw this up. I. Just. Can’t. 

And, lastly, I watched “The Fault in Our Stars” movie today with my classmates last year and it was okay. As someone said to me, there isn’t any perfect adaptations, so given the circumstances, I think the movie was pretty close to the book. During the movie, I just kept remembering referenced to banana boy and ugh. I know we’re different. I know he likes someone else. Why do I still have this kind of feelings towards him? Nevermind. 

That pretty much sums up my week. See how many times I used the word “pretty”. I just don’t know what other adjective to use. 

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

MAD RANTING

Girl hormones sicken me. Just finished “Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging” and I really want to burst into flames. I despise Georgia for having 3 boys who absolutely love her, well not really despise, rather envy. Why am I envying a fictional character right now?

Of course the world is not a wish granting factory and the movie is obviously far from reality. but it made me wonder if maybe someday someone would actually like me, for me. Would that be too impossible? 

I’ve got a friend that is being liked by a guy she thinks she likes and I love them together. Not that I’m pressuring her or anything, but besides some flaws which are perfectly normal, they look cute and sweet together. They guy’s charming and my friend is amazingly weird.

I just wonder if I’d get married in the future. Not one of those marriages that end eventually, but those happily ever after marriages that, even though there are obstacles, live a happy life together, until they die.

Sometimes I wish my future self could give me advice on what to do and what not to do, but unfortunately, it cannot happen. I’ll just have to figure our things by myself. There is no someday, there is only right now. 

Ugh. Why can’t I have Logan Lerman or Nick Robinson or Joshua Anthony Brand? Yes, I know they’re impossible to get, but they are like gorgeous. They’re one of the boys I really fancy, well celeb crushes. 

I should really focus on more important things first, like what course I’m going to take in college and where I want to go for college. Even though I’m only in 3rd year, I really think about what my college life would be like. It’s pretty clear that I’m a future girl rather than a here-and-now person. I just really daydream that my future would be so much better than my present state. 

But, seriously, boys. I want someone hilarious whose jokes make me laugh out loud (literally), whose as a genuinely nice person/gentleman, Good-looking, taller than me, Superbly smart, preferably older than me by 2-3 years, doesn’t drink too much, no vices, likes music like I do, and loves and accepts me for who I am.

Gonna die unmarried? Yeah, most likely.

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

5 Reasons Why Logan Wade Lerman Should Play Augustus in “The Fault in Our Stars”

For the record, I have never been so interested in the casting of a movie until now. I’ve read the amazing book and it was phenomenal. I’m not exaggerating here at all. I fell in love with Augustus and got a realistic view of the world in Hazel’s point of view. I’ve actually been re-reading it for the past couple of days and it’s still awesome. It’s a wonderful book because it shows the reality of the world and those that have cancer (except Phlanxifor, because it doesn’t exist.. yet) and two cancer patients that fall in love with each other and are courageous and strong enough to continue their journey.

Who is Augustus Waters? Well, he is this hot 17-year-old dark haired boy with blue eyes that only has 1.4 legs due to Osteosarcoma. He sticks a cigarette in his mouth as a metaphor that, and I quote “you put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don’t give it the power to do its killing”. He’s sweet and very romantic. Exhibit A: He calls Hazel “Hazel Grace” which is like, sweet. Exhibit B: He gave, well shared, his wish with Hazel and they went to Amsterdam. I personally love the way he responds to the question “How are you feeling” with “Oh, I’m grand”. I really fell in love with this character as the book progressed. Until, well, u-until he died. And I was sorta hoping for a more dramatic death where Hazel’s with him. But, it didn’t go that way. She wasn’t there and it only said “8 days after the prefuneral, Augustus died”. How cruel is that? The character that you fell for died so fast. Well, I couldn’t blame the author because, even though I didn’t get to witness Augustus death, the book was still fantastic.

So, the dilemma we have here today is that I really want Logan  Lerman to play the role of “Augustus Waters”. I honestly imagined him doing the role as I read the book. I mean, he has the looks and he’s an amazing actor. I think he proved that with his role of “Charlie” in “Perks of Being A Wallflower” and his role of “Percy” in “Percy Jackson and the Lighting Thief”. He’s perfect for the role. I’ve been commenting in everything that popped out in Google when I searched “who’s going to play Augustus Waters” as “something” since I didn’t want to put my real name.

I’m literally dying of curiosity for the future. I’m editing it right now because I forgot to actually include 10 reasons, so here it is:

1. He fits the description of the physical characteristics of Gus perfectly (well, except having 1.4 legs).

Logan Wade Lerman

2. He’s an amazing actor.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/celebrity/1151937-logan_lerman/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logan_Lerman (Ctrl+F “reviews”)

 

3. A lot of people, including myself, imagined him as Augustus while reading the book and think he’s perfect for the role.

http://thecelebritycafe.com/feature/2013/03/top-five-actors-who-could-play-augustus-waters-fault-our-stars-movie

http://www.imdb.com/list/YRfl9SqVxUI/

 

4. He seems Augustinian (in my opinion).

I’ve watched his movies, tv shows, interviews, and the like. He looks like a genuine person that has Gus’ attitude.

 

5. He’s perfect.

My friend said that “Augustus is way too perfect for me” when I told her I was in love with the character. I told her “He’s too perfect for this world, that’s why he doesn’t exist”. But, he can, in the movie. Logan is seriously 101% perfect for the role.

I know some of my reasons aren’t that legitimate, but hey, this is my blog and those are my reasons.

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Image

The movie was.. (awesome can’t even begin to describe it) PHENOMENAL! 

I loved every single part of it. It made me laugh, cry, and everything in between. I watched it with my mom. I was like squirming like a little girl in some parts and I couldn’t sit still. 

Logan is such an amazing actor. He really internalized the role of Charlie. According to my mom, he made the audience feel what he’s feeling. Emma’s great as well. I love how she’s Sam. The actor that played Patrick also did a magnificent job. 

Logan and Emma are so cute together. It like a Harry Potter & Percy Jackson mash up. I love them so much.