The title of this post is indeed a movie and if you haven’t watched it yet, you probably should. It’s a good movie, especially when your into adolescence, puberty, and other stuff like that.
Anyways, yes, surviving is all that I have been doing for the past week or so. I am barely getting through classes, school works, friends, and family arguments; basically, I am desperately surviving life. Depression has been eating me up, once again, and I really don’t have that much strength to struggle with it. Sometimes, just want to stay at home and spend all my time trying to not to be sad and sleeping. But, of course, I can’t do that. I have got to get all my shit together and do everything that I has got to be done with my best effort.
Often times, I feel unmotivated and uninspired. I don’t really know what I need or what I’m looking for. I try to think positively and find a good reason for me to be excited about school. So far the only reason I can think of are my old classmates from III-Mendel. We don’t hang out as frequently anymore since we’re in different sections and our time for lunch don’t really match. I miss them so much and they’re the reason why I can pull myself together, enough to get me to school.
How can you fight yourself into feeling okay and getting by life? I find it really hard to make everything seem fine when all that pessimism, sadness, and loneliness is just steps behind me. I’m starting to sleep during classes again and I feel that my grades are dropping. I hate myself. Ugh.
I have to be the person I want myself to be. Someone independent, responsible, intellectual, and strong. Someone people would look up to, someone trustworthy. By the looks of it, I have a lot of improvements to do. I really need to get a grip and do my best. It’s better to do everything now, while I can, rather than regret the things I failed to do.
I looked up “Survival” on my blog and it showed a post that I wrote around December 2013 and now, I’m experiencing the same stuff this early in the year. Am I getting more messed up, if that’s even possible? I need more reasons, reasonable reasons to do everything I can in my power to do my best.
I know this is crazy, but I’m starting to envy anime characters and their lives. It just seems so much better than the life I’m living right now. Of course, they’re fictional characters. They were created for entertainment, not to show how reality really is. I’m starting to watch this on-going anime called “Ao Haru Ride” and it’s really interesting. It’s a lovely and serene anime, yet it is also quite heartbreaking.
Okay, okay, I’ll try harder to pull my shit together and do my best in everything I do. I know I can do it. Life isn’t going to take it easy on me; it doesn’t take it easy on anyone. I’ll just have to learn how to dance in the rain; Take on life head on. Wish me luck. Good luck too, readers, with everything that you have got going in your life. I hope everything’s okay with you, guys.
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE