I have to take a removals exam this Friday for a class I didn’t quite pass (nor fail) last last semester (basically the second semester of my third year). It’s a pass or fail exam – If I pass/fail the exam, I pass/fail the class. When I had learned I had to take the removals exam, I kind of told myself that I’d progressively study for it, but here I am cramming for the exam a few days before, once again.
I find the need to write because I feel super stressed out about it (which could have been avoided, just saying) and I don’t think I can study properly with this kind of mindset. Honestly, the mindset I have right now is the mindset of someone who has already failed an exam she hasn’t even taken yet, who has lost a battle she hasn’t even fought. AND I CANNOT HAVE THAT KIND OF MINDSET, ESPECIALLY RIGHT NOW.
If you’ve been reading my posts (which I don’t really expect you to do), you’d know that I made a pretty huge mistake when I gave up on a certain class last last semester. It was only the second exam and I just gave up entirely. I still attended classes, of course, but I was asleep for most of it and I couldn’t find the motivation to study for it. Obviously, I ended up regretting that decision of mine because now I won’t be graduating on time. There’s no shame in that, really, because I believe that people should go at their own pace and that everyone has their own timeline, but it really could’ve been avoided.
Now, I’ve never passed a single exam in the class I need to take a removals exam for. NOT A SINGLE ONE. But giving up now would not only cause a domino effect in the future (which would only worsen the situation I’m in right now) but it would also mean that I gave up before even trying AGAIN. It would mean that I took the seemingly easier way out now (which would be giving up) to only suffer the probably horrible consequences later on.
I am seriously trying to grasp any sort of motivation right now to motivate me enough to study for my exam. I’m thinking that maybe this will finally be the exam that I will pass in that class. Maybe I can score even higher than the score I need to pass just to prove that I can do more than what’s expected of me. Maybe I’m more than what I give myself credit for. I don’t know.
It’s the end of the post and I’m still really struggling with my mindset. I need to pass this exam, but if I’m going to pass it, I need to believe that I can pass it.
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