About a year ago. I thought of myself as a person who does most things halfheartedly – intentionally settling for mediocrity because, for reasons, I wasn’t willing to give any extra effort to the things I was doing. I don’t know when I turned from being a sincere person who does her best in everything.. to that. I’d say I lost sight of my dreams and who I wanted to be. I didn’t see the value of what I was doing and how my choices would affect my future. I gave myself too much slack, only worsening my already awful time management skills.
This year, I’ve realized that I’m surrounded by extremely passionate people who work together to achieve common goals that would not only make them proud of their hard work and efforts, but also inspire and motivate other people to become as passionate and committed as they are. I’ve conversed with people who are in love with what they’re doing, making them enjoy it rather than seeing it as work. In short, these people have inspired me to passionately immerse myself into the things that I do and to run after my dreams again, to some degree.
I say all that, but I don’t really understand what I’m passionate about, at the moment. I mean, of course I should be passionate about my course and writing, and all that, but how do you continue to fuel your passion to the point where it actually pushes you to do more?
To be honest, I’m studying for an exam, but a friend of mine told me how wonderful it would be if we can share the word of God to the people with a certain feeling of being so filled with it that we have no other choice but to share it with other people. She compared it with how I couldn’t help sharing with them the stuff that happens with the guy I like. AND HONESTLY THAT MADE ME UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE WAS TRYING TO CONVEY BECAUSE I HONESTLY CAN’T DO ANYTHING BUT TALK ABOUT OR WRITE ABOUT HIM 24/7.
I like him a lot and maybe, in a while, I can express it properly through words. He’s constantly running through my mind. While I’m sort of sad that I can’t think, talk about, and write about anything else but him… Actually, at this point, it’s just really sad how it’s come to this and this is all going to be over soon. There’s no consolation in liking someone THIS MUCH and knowing that, after this, all you’ll have is the memories.
WELL THIS POST TOOK A ROUGH TURN. Basically, my point is that it would be really great if I can be as passionate about something ACTUALLY FULFILLING as I am about him. Not that this isn’t worthwhile, it just sort of hurts now and there’s nothing else to do but let it out through writing and eventually move on.
HOPEFULLY, in my next post, I’ll be able to write about something other than him because I need to prove to myself that I can do it, so I will.
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE