A Tablespoon of one big mess~

I’m failing at least one class this semester and all but two, at the most. Unfortunately, I’m not exaggerating about that and this is, for sure, my worst semester in college, regarding academics. I’d like to call this my rock bottom semester cause’ I seriously don’t think any semester could be as remotely bad as this one. This is the last wake up call semester I need for me to do more than get my shit together.

I don’t actually know what I’m gonna do after getting my grades for this semester. I actually don’t know what the consequences of the grades would be, so I don’t know what I can do about it either. But I’ve learned a lot of things this semester, realizing most of it by the end of it, so that’s what this post is going to be about.

1. “Time management is key.” AF

I remember saying that my resolution this year is to manage my time more wisely, but as you can probably infer, I failed horribly. I wasn’t able to manage my time and prioritize the things and ended up procrastinating and cramming everything in the last minute. This tip is probably a cliche for college students, like me, by now, but it’s easier said than done and I, personally, I need to be reminded of this every. single. minute. And more specifically, time management should consider EVERYTHING, such as spontaneous getaways and emergencies. Planning to finish the projects just by the nick of time or planning an all-nighter to finish studying for an exam falls under the poor time management category. Plan and schedule your time in a realistic way, considering, as I said, E V E R Y T H I N G.

2. Study. EVERYDAY FREAKING DAY. 

Okay, so this might sound unreasonable to some,  but I honestly need to study everyday. I sleep usually fall asleep during my classes, which is a terrible habit of mine I’ve had since preschool, so I need to catch up with my lessons by allotting more time in studying. Unfortunately, what tends to happen is I eat dinner while watching something, probably a movie or an episode of KDrama, then I end up finishing it and spending a bit more time relaxing. After a few hours, usually at 9 pm, I start studying, then falling asleep on my desk. HORRIBLE.

So, I really need to allot two to four hours of pure studying each day to catch up and to be able to understand the lesson and to get enough practice. And to not cram chapters worth of lessons in one night, or four hours before an exam.

3. Take GENUINE interest in what you’re learning.

I went to my classes. I tried not to sleep in my classes. I tried studying for my classes. But I honestly didn’t like my classes. If it weren’t required, I wouldn’t have taken the courses I enlisted for this semester. The only class I did like was Accounting and that’s because I’ve been hooked to business since third year high school. So, I think it’s also very important to make yourself interested and passionate about what you’re learning. I know that’s a rather challenging thing to do, especially when you’re pursuing a course that wasn’t your choice, but to make the semester a bit less painful, we’ve gotta try to like the classes we have to stick with for the duration of the semester.

4. Make time for you and your passions, too. 

While school, family, and social life are important, you’re well-being is as important as all of those things. And by making time to make sure you’re well-being is in good condition, I mean to check if your sanity’s still intact, if you’re eating properly and getting close to enough sleep, and if you’re still able to do what you actually are passionate about. Now, when you make time for you, consider the hours of sleep you’d want to have, depending on whether or not it’s a hell week, and squeezing your “relaxation” and leisure activities with the activities related to your passion into a fair amount of time. Because, as I said, I usually get a bit too relaxed and ending up spending more time relaxing than studying.

5. Take a daily dose of positivity! 

It might be hell week and/or things might not be going your way, always remember to keep a positive attitude and look at the brighter side of life. Most times, this is easier said than done, like most things, but it’s essential to get through the semester alive. You need to be happy with yourself, to be thankful for all the blessings you have, and to have a fighting spirit all throughout the semester.

6. Spend your money wisely. 

Although this isn’t school-related, it’s still a lesson I learned during this semester. I’m constantly saving up for something, which is alright, but I’ve got to be wise about how I spend my money. I went to a convention and spent more than a thousand, I bought a stuffed toy for a person I admire a lot, and now I’m saving up for shipping fees, but to me, who loves anime and likes that person, it’s worth it. Though, in the long run, spending my money on those things aren’t exactly wise. I’m working on it and I’m planning to allot a certain percentage of weekly allowance savings to put in the bank, so yay me.

There you have it, six of the many lessons I’ve learned the hard way this semester. I might not be as well put as I’d want to be and I have miles to go before becoming the woman I want to become in the future, but it’s a start and I’m a work in progress, so to the me who’s trying so hard to figure out what she’s gonna do in life, give your best and be passionate about everything you do today and God will reveal His plans to you at the right time.

I hope this post somehow helped you, too, or at the very least, realize that even though this my life’s kinda messy right now, if I’m getting through it with my head held high and I’m slowly trying to apply the lessons I’ve learned from yesterday’s mistakes, then so should you :). And always remember that you are God’s masterpiece. You are beautiful and you make this world brighter. Things might be shitty right now, but please don’t give up and know that I believe that you will get through whatever challenge it is you’re facing.

Till’ the next time~

With so much love, The Girl With The Pen

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

The Stranger With A Pen

I’ve lost myself somehow. I don’t know how, or when, but the person typing this out is definitely not the owner of this blog. The Girl With The Pen was someone passionate about writing and everything else she did, who loved the idea of love, and who never once thought of giving up. Where she is now? I wonder.

I over think a lot more than I should, which causes me to enjoy life a lot less. I feel inferior compared to the people around me. I feel trapped inside a box I built for myself. I feel like I’m doing a lot of things halfheartedly. And, really, it’s like I’m just trying to survive. Heck, I can’t even write properly about love and that in itself is a tragedy.

And it’s not how I want to get through life. I want to live life and enjoy it. I want to reciprocate the love I feel from the amazing people in my life and I want to share love to those people who need more of it. I want to laugh at jokes, no matter how corny or ridiculous they may be. I want to be passionate about something and chase my dreams head on. I want to go ahead and do everything I can to live a life with no regrets.

I miss her. I miss the girl who I used to be.

So I’ve decided to stop and take a good look at my life. Is this the way I want things to be? Is this how I want to remember college? Is this how I want to live?

And as I said, it’s not. So I’m going to change it. I know it can’t be that easy, but this is NOT what I want and I can’t afford to not live the only life I have the way I want to live it.

I’m gonna get myself back.

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Lukewarm

It’s the end of my first semester as a second year college student and it was the most challenging semester I’ve had to face, so far. Sure, my second semester as a freshman was kinda bad, but not as bad as this. Not even close. And I feel that it’s because I wasn’t able to do my best. I wasn’t able to give it my all. I made a lot of bad choices because I wasn’t able to properly prioritize things, thus the consequence of my actions. As I’m writing this, not all of my grades have been released yet. My mom says to hope for the best and to not be so pessimistic about it, but I can only hope for so much, knowing full well the things I failed to do.

I’m really forgetful and stubborn, so I tend to forget the lessons I gained from my past mistakes and end up repeating it. I’m pretty sure I’ve previously written something like this in a post or two. It’s horrible and I don’t really know how to fix it. I try, then I forget to try harder. Ugh.

This semester made me realize that I’m a lukewarm person- I do a lot of things halfheartedly. I study, but I’m unenthusiastic about my classes. I converse with people, but often times, I feel like I wasn’t actually as immersed in the conversation as I should be, afterwards. I write, but there’s always something lacking so I end up not publishing  it.

It’s a really terrible thing and I want to stop being that kind of person. I want to be passionate about the things I do and to be fully absorbed whenever I socialize with people.  I want to feel that I’m really there, wherever I may be, living my life. 

Okay, so this semester wasn’t all that great, but it served as another wake up call for me to get my shit together, as if the one from last semester wasn’t enough. Right now, I need to find that girl who refused to give up when faced with challenges, the girl who did her best in everything because she believed that everything was a chain of causes and effects- the girl who I used to be. I need to chase after something again and get my fighting spirit and determination back.

At this point in time, I don’t really know what to do about it yet. I’d like to believe that I’m still a work in progress, like everyone else. I can change who I am right now and that everyday is a new start- a new chance to take a step towards becoming a better version of me. So, I’m gonna work on fixing myself because I’m really the only one who can do it.

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE ❤

 

 

Love & Sorrow

Wouldn’t it be better not to have a heart to love someone? There’d be no heartbreaks, no one to miss when their gone, no disappointment due to broken promises and short-comings. There’d be neither neither selfishness for love nor selflessness because of love. People would live happier not knowing what it’s like to experience heart ache, despair, loneliness, longing, and hopelessness.

Nothing. 

But what would it be like living life without love? Sure, everyone would be happier, but what is life without love? We’d have this emptiness inside us that we don’t know. Ignorance is bliss, but we wouldn’t know how beautiful life would be with love. We wouldn’t know how wonderful it feels to love each other and how love is meant to be shared with others. We wouldn’t know how special an ordinary day can become if it’s spent with our loved ones.

Love can definitely hurt us, even kill us emotionally. Sometimes, we’d desire not to have a heart because of how tired we are of caring too much, loving too much. But in the end, love is what makes us understand other people, makes us feel passionate about something, and makes us feel compassionate and emphatic towards others. Love is what completes us as a human and it is love that gives us a sense of purpose to wake up every day.

So, treasure the love you feel for those precious to you. Stop chasing after someone who doesn’t love you because you deserve better than to waste the love you have on them. Give love to people who need it the most and put love above anger and greed and selfishness. Because the one who shares his love with all his heart is the happiest.

(Note: I JUST FINISHED NAGI NO ASUKARA AND OMG I’M JUST OVERFLOWING WITH EMOTIONS!! SUPER FEELS-Y ANIME, BUT SO WORTH IT!! I cried a bit, but that’s okay haha. And since I’m in the topic of love, as a Roman Catholic, I’d also like to bring up a few verses:

John 3:16 which states “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” and

Mark 12:29-31 which states “The most important one,’ answered Jesus, ‘is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’g There is no commandment greater than these.'”. 

No matter how messed up the world seems, let us not forget that the greatest thing is Love. )

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

How To Have a Fun Summer?

I honestly don’t know how I can make this summer of mine fun enough for me not to regret anything when school starts this August. It’s really frustrating because I’ve got time in my hands, but I don’t know how to spend it wisely.

So, I downloaded all the seasons of Hannah Montana, Sonny With A Chance, and iCarly in the hopes of making the most out of this summer. I loved this shows and I didn’t think I’d get to watch them again after they got cancelled. I was thrilled when I started watching, at first, but now I think it’s a bit childish of me to be going back to the good old days (aka my childhood days) by watching these shows. Sure, they were so popular before and almost everyone was caught up in all the episodes, but I’m already 18 years old and most of the people I know are off travelling or doing amazing things. It kinda makes me feel kinda low about myself. An 18 year old girl who’s stuck at home watching some shows that used to be popular about people who had actual lives. That’s really sad.

Now I don’t even know how I’m going to make the rest of my summer legendary. I do not want to go back to college regretting the things I spent my time on during summer. I want to be able to look back at all of this and think “Hey I got a pretty wicked summer. I’m so ready to resume college and feel the hype of knowledge…” or something like that!

And I don’t even want to talk about anime. Fine, I thought I’d be super happy with all the time I have to watch my new anime and re-watch my favorites, but I’m not. I don’t know. I just started thinking that anime might not be for me anymore cause’ I’m already 18 years old and I should be doing something better with my life. Not that anime is a bad thing. Heck no. But maybe rather than spending all of my time lying down on the bed and hooked into some anime, I could be out there in the real world gaining new experiences and new knowledge. Of course I’d still spend a few hours (3 hours max) to watch anime, but I can’t let myself prevent me from doing something with my life, productive things.

I’m kind of brainstorming for business ideas because my dad is encouraging me to accustom myself more in the business world and to sharpen my sales skills. I’ve got a few good ideas, but I have yet to make an actual step towards it.

I’m -insert real name here- and I’m going to make this summer productive and awesome.

Hopefully, I’ll be able to write more updates about my business endeavors and my adventures to come here!

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

Nobody said it was easy~

As the semester comes to an end, so do I. Honestly, I’m literally dead during the weekday and only come alive during the weekends that are really too short. It’s really sad, actually. And I don’t know how I’m actually going be able to fix it. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this hopeless in my life. Sure, I’m a pessimistic optimist, but this time around, it’s like I’m on the verge of giving up. GIVING UP. Old me would probably kill me if she reads me write that. Funny how that phrase contains the reason why I’m struggling right now and the reason why I’ve been struggling so hard, so far.

So, college isn’t the dream come true that I thought it would feel like. I got in my dream university and now I’ve got to stay in for AT MOST 5 years. I didn’t really think this ahead. Why did I grow up wanting to go the uni anyway? Why did I grow loving it?

What if I didn’t?

BUT those thoughts stop there. Because I do know why I chose it, besides the fact that it was the only school I knew until- what- fourth grade? I chose it because it’s one of the most amazing universities, recognized internationally. I chose it because I believe that it will my future as bright as it could possibly be. I chose it because, for me, there’s nowhere to go but (hihi).. I chose it and I am not giving up. 

Whatever happening isn’t anyone’s fault by my own. My family has been nothing but supportive and loving. My friends, let’s just say they help keep my sanity in check. And God, above anything and anyone else, guides me to the path that He has prepared before me, protects me and my family, and supports me every single time, without fail. AND I’M THANKFUL FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.

Therefore, if I mess anything up, it’s all me, and I don’t want to mess anything more than I already have. I just reaaally don’t know how to get my shit together. If you guys have some suggestions as to how I can make it possible, please write it down in the comments and I shall try to make it happen (try to the best of my abilities, that is).I would really really appreciate it! Honestly, I’m lost inside a pit of my own creation and it’s hard to climb out.

I regret not studying enough. I regret not knowing enough about Physics, Chemistry, and Math to understand it. I regret all those reaction papers I didn’t write. I regret everything I’ve done wrong during this semester.

But nothing’s over yet. 

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

 

Questions

What have I done with my life, so far?

I can’t help but question myself whenever I see people, that I know, travelling, chasing after their dreams, doing something for the betterment of others, and what not. I am in awe of them because they’re off doing amazing things. They’re wonderful, really, and I want to be like that, too- wonderful.

How can I actually improve myself?

Awareness and acceptance is the first step to self-improvement, I think. I also need a very legit reason to do so, something I can hold onto when things get difficult. See, it’s not only physical appearance I’m talking about, but also my attitude towards people and things, such as academics.

What comes after that? The hard part- the execution. It’s really not easy to change oneself, especially when you’re as stubborn, indecisive, and forgetful as me. I’m awful, really. And sometimes, I think of myself as a hypocrite- how can I be writing about big things while I’m still a work in progress? I’ll just leave that unanswered because I don’t know how to.

I’m going to have to face a lot of obstacles on my way to improving myself, most of which will be the obstacles that I myself have set before me- self-doubt, insecurity, selfishness, and the like. But somehow, hopefully, I’ll get by.

Why would I go to such measures just to improve myself?

Why? Well, simply because I’m not satisfied with who I am right now. I dislike who I am as a person and how I’m living my life. I want to do better. I know I can.

I want to get out of my comfort zone. I want to make new friends. I want to help other people. I want to explore new places. I want to try new things (legal, of course). I want to make a difference. I want to be passionate about something. I want to publish books. I want to spend time with my family and friends. AND SO MUCH MORE!

And I feel that the me right now won’t be able to do all those things.

 

(Note: I HAVE A CHEMISTRY (DISCUSSION) EXAM NEXT MONDAY, A MATH EXAM NEXT NEXT FRIDAY, AND A CHEMISTRY (LAB EXAM) AND A PHYSICS EXAM NEXT NEXT NEXT MONDAY!! NOT TO MENTION THAT IT’S FINALS WEEK NEXT NEXT NEXT NEXT WEEK!!

Gods, I just want this semester to end. Please. I don’t know how I’m going to survive and I don’t know how I can make my grades survive with me, but I need to manage to do that somehow.

And this post looks like I’m talking to myself or whatever. I hope at least one of you readers could relate and I hope this post helped you somehow cos it really looks like I’m talking to myself and that’s just sad, really.)

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE