Puzzles

Have you ever just let yourself laze around with feeling only a slight tinge of guilt? Well that’s basically what I’ve been doing since last Thursday, right after I pass my final requirement for last semester. I’ve gotten my grades for all but one class, but I know my grade in that class, anyway. So, I’ve passed 6 out of my 8 classes last semester (well, 4/6 if you don’t count PE and community service) and, honestly, that’s better than the worst case scenario I had in mind. I’m sad that I didn’t pass all of them, but I really had a hard time this semester, especially with those two classes, so I’ve accepted it already and I’m just gonna have to take them again.

So, I’ve done nothing “productive”, in particular this past weekend. I’ve been trying to install a game that I’ve wanted to play for such a long time. But for some reason, it wouldn’t work, so I’ve given up on it. I’m a bit pissed cos I really wanted to play it, but life goes on and I need to work on mine. YES, I’m writing this post cause’ I can’t play the game. NO, I won’t be trying to install the game again. YES, my several failed attempts to install the game served as a wake up call for me to get my shit together, even though it’s technically summer.

What am I planning to do this summer? I don’t really know, yet. I guess I’d want to try going on a diet, again, to lose weight. Exercise a bit. Try becoming more of an adult cause’ I’m almost not a teenager. Write as much as I can, both in this blog and in my Wattpad account. Learn new skills, both practical and not-so-practical. Paint more and try digital art. And spend time with my family and friends.

Why am I writing all that down here? It’s my blog. It’s been my blog for five years and counting. And I just need to get my act together, so I’m writing it all down. Here.

So, I guess that’s that. Hopefully, I’ll be able to write again this week. I’m probably going to post “My Favorite Things 003” soon, so stay tuned. Or not. HAHAHA.

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

(Note: The title of this post is “Puzzles” cos it’s better than my initial idea, “Sh*t Gathering”, and I just think that I need to put the myself back together again. NOT GOING THROUGH ANYTHING. JUST ONE HUGE MESS OF A HUMAN BEING. BUT EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT.)

Also, a sneak peek of my next post (aka what I’ve been doing with my summer, so far)

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A Tablespoon of one big mess~

I’m failing at least one class this semester and all but two, at the most. Unfortunately, I’m not exaggerating about that and this is, for sure, my worst semester in college, regarding academics. I’d like to call this my rock bottom semester cause’ I seriously don’t think any semester could be as remotely bad as this one. This is the last wake up call semester I need for me to do more than get my shit together.

I don’t actually know what I’m gonna do after getting my grades for this semester. I actually don’t know what the consequences of the grades would be, so I don’t know what I can do about it either. But I’ve learned a lot of things this semester, realizing most of it by the end of it, so that’s what this post is going to be about.

1. “Time management is key.” AF

I remember saying that my resolution this year is to manage my time more wisely, but as you can probably infer, I failed horribly. I wasn’t able to manage my time and prioritize the things and ended up procrastinating and cramming everything in the last minute. This tip is probably a cliche for college students, like me, by now, but it’s easier said than done and I, personally, I need to be reminded of this every. single. minute. And more specifically, time management should consider EVERYTHING, such as spontaneous getaways and emergencies. Planning to finish the projects just by the nick of time or planning an all-nighter to finish studying for an exam falls under the poor time management category. Plan and schedule your time in a realistic way, considering, as I said, E V E R Y T H I N G.

2. Study. EVERYDAY FREAKING DAY. 

Okay, so this might sound unreasonable to some,  but I honestly need to study everyday. I sleep usually fall asleep during my classes, which is a terrible habit of mine I’ve had since preschool, so I need to catch up with my lessons by allotting more time in studying. Unfortunately, what tends to happen is I eat dinner while watching something, probably a movie or an episode of KDrama, then I end up finishing it and spending a bit more time relaxing. After a few hours, usually at 9 pm, I start studying, then falling asleep on my desk. HORRIBLE.

So, I really need to allot two to four hours of pure studying each day to catch up and to be able to understand the lesson and to get enough practice. And to not cram chapters worth of lessons in one night, or four hours before an exam.

3. Take GENUINE interest in what you’re learning.

I went to my classes. I tried not to sleep in my classes. I tried studying for my classes. But I honestly didn’t like my classes. If it weren’t required, I wouldn’t have taken the courses I enlisted for this semester. The only class I did like was Accounting and that’s because I’ve been hooked to business since third year high school. So, I think it’s also very important to make yourself interested and passionate about what you’re learning. I know that’s a rather challenging thing to do, especially when you’re pursuing a course that wasn’t your choice, but to make the semester a bit less painful, we’ve gotta try to like the classes we have to stick with for the duration of the semester.

4. Make time for you and your passions, too. 

While school, family, and social life are important, you’re well-being is as important as all of those things. And by making time to make sure you’re well-being is in good condition, I mean to check if your sanity’s still intact, if you’re eating properly and getting close to enough sleep, and if you’re still able to do what you actually are passionate about. Now, when you make time for you, consider the hours of sleep you’d want to have, depending on whether or not it’s a hell week, and squeezing your “relaxation” and leisure activities with the activities related to your passion into a fair amount of time. Because, as I said, I usually get a bit too relaxed and ending up spending more time relaxing than studying.

5. Take a daily dose of positivity! 

It might be hell week and/or things might not be going your way, always remember to keep a positive attitude and look at the brighter side of life. Most times, this is easier said than done, like most things, but it’s essential to get through the semester alive. You need to be happy with yourself, to be thankful for all the blessings you have, and to have a fighting spirit all throughout the semester.

6. Spend your money wisely. 

Although this isn’t school-related, it’s still a lesson I learned during this semester. I’m constantly saving up for something, which is alright, but I’ve got to be wise about how I spend my money. I went to a convention and spent more than a thousand, I bought a stuffed toy for a person I admire a lot, and now I’m saving up for shipping fees, but to me, who loves anime and likes that person, it’s worth it. Though, in the long run, spending my money on those things aren’t exactly wise. I’m working on it and I’m planning to allot a certain percentage of weekly allowance savings to put in the bank, so yay me.

There you have it, six of the many lessons I’ve learned the hard way this semester. I might not be as well put as I’d want to be and I have miles to go before becoming the woman I want to become in the future, but it’s a start and I’m a work in progress, so to the me who’s trying so hard to figure out what she’s gonna do in life, give your best and be passionate about everything you do today and God will reveal His plans to you at the right time.

I hope this post somehow helped you, too, or at the very least, realize that even though this my life’s kinda messy right now, if I’m getting through it with my head held high and I’m slowly trying to apply the lessons I’ve learned from yesterday’s mistakes, then so should you :). And always remember that you are God’s masterpiece. You are beautiful and you make this world brighter. Things might be shitty right now, but please don’t give up and know that I believe that you will get through whatever challenge it is you’re facing.

Till’ the next time~

With so much love, The Girl With The Pen

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

Flash Post 012: Sleeping

Ever since I was preschool, I’ve had this horrible habit of sleeping in class. During elementary and high school, it wasn’t that bad. I still caught up with my classes and performed rather well. But now, I fear that it’s getting worse. Not only do I sleep during class, but I also fall asleep while studying at the dormitory. So, now it’s like I don’t even know what to do anymore. I’m having a hard time catching up in class and, with my terrible time management skills, I’m doomed.

And lately I’ve been wondering a bit of what I’m good at. I don’t think I’m that good of a writer and I’m not good in anything else.. so what is there for me? I’m still half-hearted af and I don’t know what to do about that either.

Everything acad-wise seriously sucks right now and I really should be getting my shit together as fast as I can if I want to survive this semester.

BUT in other news, the sun is still up there shining its light to the world and the trees are still grounded and growing and I will get through this.

I watched some stuff in Omeleto  and their videos are inspiring af. I cried a bit and I know I cry easily, but I’m at school and their videos are really amazing and motivating and eye-opening, and the like. So, if you’ve got time, I totally recommend that you watch the videos on their page.

I really don’t know who you are or what you’re going through, but I know that you have a purpose for living and you might not know it yet, but you will someday. Whatever you’re having a hard time with, just keep fighting and you’ll get through it. Never think that you don’t matter because you do. I’m sure there are people out there who love you and who care for you and who will cry their hearts out when you die. I might not be having the best time at school right now, but I know I’ll get through and so will you. You’re a BEAUTIFUL human being and don’t ever think otherwise.

Class in 23 minutes. Bye for now! ❤

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

The Writer Who Can’t Write

As a writer, not being able to write anything decent is the most annoying thing ever. It’s like I have the ideas and all that, but I find it difficult to actually put it into words. For stories, even though I know how I want the plot to progress, but writing the dialogue and describing the setting is getting harder and harder.

But it’s kinda funny really. For someone to be a good writer- to create characters and worlds from their imagination- they’d have to gather ideas from real life experiences. I don’t know if it’s like that for everyone, but personally, that’s how it works for me.

And the problem is that I’ve somehow trapped myself. I haven’t really tried anything new recently. I go to the same places, I meet the same people, and I run through the same routine everyday. Plus, I haven’t read anything that interests me.

With college resuming, my schedule has become hectic again and the stress of studies has returned. But I think that’s the point. I have to somehow integrate it to my life. I have to live in such a way that I learn and experience new things constantly. Because I know for a fact that there won’t ever be a point in my life where I’d be worry-free.

Everyone only gets one life and the best that we can do is live it the best way we can, in the hopes of dying without anymore regrets. Challenge yourself. Choose to explore and discover. Embrace the things you’re passionate about. Cherish the people you have in your life. Choose to be happy even during the rainy days.

know it’s difficult, but try anyway. It’ll be worth everything in the end.

 

(Note: How this post went from being not able anything decent to life and choices? I don’t know. But I’m glad it did haha.)

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Love & Sorrow

Wouldn’t it be better not to have a heart to love someone? There’d be no heartbreaks, no one to miss when their gone, no disappointment due to broken promises and short-comings. There’d be neither neither selfishness for love nor selflessness because of love. People would live happier not knowing what it’s like to experience heart ache, despair, loneliness, longing, and hopelessness.

Nothing. 

But what would it be like living life without love? Sure, everyone would be happier, but what is life without love? We’d have this emptiness inside us that we don’t know. Ignorance is bliss, but we wouldn’t know how beautiful life would be with love. We wouldn’t know how wonderful it feels to love each other and how love is meant to be shared with others. We wouldn’t know how special an ordinary day can become if it’s spent with our loved ones.

Love can definitely hurt us, even kill us emotionally. Sometimes, we’d desire not to have a heart because of how tired we are of caring too much, loving too much. But in the end, love is what makes us understand other people, makes us feel passionate about something, and makes us feel compassionate and emphatic towards others. Love is what completes us as a human and it is love that gives us a sense of purpose to wake up every day.

So, treasure the love you feel for those precious to you. Stop chasing after someone who doesn’t love you because you deserve better than to waste the love you have on them. Give love to people who need it the most and put love above anger and greed and selfishness. Because the one who shares his love with all his heart is the happiest.

(Note: I JUST FINISHED NAGI NO ASUKARA AND OMG I’M JUST OVERFLOWING WITH EMOTIONS!! SUPER FEELS-Y ANIME, BUT SO WORTH IT!! I cried a bit, but that’s okay haha. And since I’m in the topic of love, as a Roman Catholic, I’d also like to bring up a few verses:

John 3:16 which states “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” and

Mark 12:29-31 which states “The most important one,’ answered Jesus, ‘is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’g There is no commandment greater than these.'”. 

No matter how messed up the world seems, let us not forget that the greatest thing is Love. )

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Please Don’t Forget

I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to forget anything about my life. I don’t want to forget the people who made me feel loved and special. I don’t want to forget the people who have forgotten me already. I don’t want to forget the places I’ve been to and the things I’ve done. I don’t want to forget any of my memories and how I felt remembering them. I don’t want to forget the experiences I’ve had and how they made me feel. I don’t want to forget who I am and how I chose to live my life. I don’t want my life to disappear from my memory.

I want to remember the happiness I felt when I first saw my sisters. I want to remember how excited I was whenever it was my birthday and whenever Christmas came because I’d always celebrate with my family. I want to remember how awesome my childhood days were, playing around the park with my neighbors whose last name I didn’t even know. I want to remember how joyful I was whenever my dad came home.I want to remember how books and anime became my escape when reality was too much. I want to remember the good times I spent with my classmates. I want to remember how I felt hanging out with my friends and wanting it to last longer, every time. I want to remember how amazing I felt when I found out I got in my dream university. I want to remember how happy I was whenever weekends came and I got to go home and see my family.

I want to remember the sadness I felt whenever my dad left for work. I want to remember how much I missed the friends that have already left me behind and those I don’t get to see that often. I want to remember how sad movies, even if they’re not that sad, made me cry. I want to remember the pain I felt whenever I had a low score or grade. I want to remember how awful I felt during those times that I wanted to be in the star section, but I didn’t get in. I want to remember how hard it was to survive both my first year in high school and in college, the crying, the struggle, and everything. I want to remember all the things I’ve ever regretted, even those that lasted only for a little while.  I want to remember the bad times I had with my classmates, the loneliness I felt.

And most of all, I want to remember me. I want to remember how quiet and shy I was, though I hated that part of me and tried to get over it. I want to remember how I’d choose to stay home over some social gathering, even though I probably regret doing that. I want to remember how I planned my future when I was only in sixth grade. I want to remember how I wanted to cut my heart up and give the pieces to the people I love, to the things I love doing, and to whatever my heart beat for. I want to remember how I thought that would be better than having my heart for myself. I want to remember all the things I’ve forgotten, all of it. I want to remember how I thought pizza was happiness (because it is!). I want to remember how thankful I was to God for everything and everyone in my life, for his continuous guidance and protection. And I want to remember how I believed that love is the most beautiful and powerful thing in the whole wide world.

 

(NOTE: Okay, so I just finished watching “Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind” and though that movie didn’t really make me cry, how I felt about forgetting, especially the ones I love right now, kinda did. I don’t care if I get hurt, or if my heart breaks into shattered pieces, or if I suffer the pain of regret. I don’t want to forget anything, especially the things that made me happy, even if it was just for a little while, because it still did.)

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

How To Have a Fun Summer?

I honestly don’t know how I can make this summer of mine fun enough for me not to regret anything when school starts this August. It’s really frustrating because I’ve got time in my hands, but I don’t know how to spend it wisely.

So, I downloaded all the seasons of Hannah Montana, Sonny With A Chance, and iCarly in the hopes of making the most out of this summer. I loved this shows and I didn’t think I’d get to watch them again after they got cancelled. I was thrilled when I started watching, at first, but now I think it’s a bit childish of me to be going back to the good old days (aka my childhood days) by watching these shows. Sure, they were so popular before and almost everyone was caught up in all the episodes, but I’m already 18 years old and most of the people I know are off travelling or doing amazing things. It kinda makes me feel kinda low about myself. An 18 year old girl who’s stuck at home watching some shows that used to be popular about people who had actual lives. That’s really sad.

Now I don’t even know how I’m going to make the rest of my summer legendary. I do not want to go back to college regretting the things I spent my time on during summer. I want to be able to look back at all of this and think “Hey I got a pretty wicked summer. I’m so ready to resume college and feel the hype of knowledge…” or something like that!

And I don’t even want to talk about anime. Fine, I thought I’d be super happy with all the time I have to watch my new anime and re-watch my favorites, but I’m not. I don’t know. I just started thinking that anime might not be for me anymore cause’ I’m already 18 years old and I should be doing something better with my life. Not that anime is a bad thing. Heck no. But maybe rather than spending all of my time lying down on the bed and hooked into some anime, I could be out there in the real world gaining new experiences and new knowledge. Of course I’d still spend a few hours (3 hours max) to watch anime, but I can’t let myself prevent me from doing something with my life, productive things.

I’m kind of brainstorming for business ideas because my dad is encouraging me to accustom myself more in the business world and to sharpen my sales skills. I’ve got a few good ideas, but I have yet to make an actual step towards it.

I’m -insert real name here- and I’m going to make this summer productive and awesome.

Hopefully, I’ll be able to write more updates about my business endeavors and my adventures to come here!

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE