Flash Post 023: n+1 (where n is any real number)

About a year ago. I thought of myself as a person who does most things halfheartedly – intentionally settling for mediocrity because, for reasons, I wasn’t willing to give any extra effort to the things I was doing. I don’t know when I turned from being a sincere person who does her best in everything.. to that. I’d say I lost sight of my dreams and who I wanted to be. I didn’t see the value of what I was doing and how my choices would affect my future. I gave myself too much slack, only worsening my already awful time management skills.

This year, I’ve realized that I’m surrounded by extremely passionate people who work together to achieve common goals that would not only make them proud of their hard work and efforts, but also inspire and motivate other people to become as passionate and committed as they are. I’ve conversed with people who are in love with what they’re doing, making them enjoy it rather than seeing it as work. In short, these people have inspired me to passionately immerse myself into the things that I do and to run after my dreams again, to some degree.

I say all that, but I don’t really understand what I’m passionate about, at the moment. I mean, of course I should be passionate about my course and writing, and all that, but how do you continue to fuel your passion to the point where it actually pushes you to do more?

To be honest, I’m studying for an exam, but a friend of mine told me how wonderful it would be if we can share the word of God to the people with a certain feeling of being so filled with it that we have no other choice but to share it with other people. She compared it with how I couldn’t help sharing with them the stuff that happens with the guy I like. AND HONESTLY THAT MADE ME UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE WAS TRYING TO CONVEY BECAUSE I HONESTLY CAN’T DO ANYTHING BUT TALK ABOUT OR WRITE ABOUT HIM 24/7.

I like him a lot and maybe, in a while, I can express it properly through words. He’s constantly running through my mind. While I’m sort of sad that I can’t think, talk about, and write about anything else but him… Actually, at this point, it’s just really sad how it’s come to this and this is all going to be over soon. There’s no consolation in liking someone THIS MUCH and knowing that, after this, all you’ll have is the memories.

WELL THIS POST TOOK A ROUGH TURN. Basically, my point is that it would be really great if I can be as passionate about something ACTUALLY FULFILLING as I am about him. Not that this isn’t worthwhile, it just sort of hurts now and there’s nothing else to do but let it out through writing and eventually move on.

HOPEFULLY, in my next post, I’ll be able to write about something other than him because I need to prove to myself that I can do it, so I will.

141/272

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

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The Writer Who Can’t Write

As a writer, not being able to write anything decent is the most annoying thing ever. It’s like I have the ideas and all that, but I find it difficult to actually put it into words. For stories, even though I know how I want the plot to progress, but writing the dialogue and describing the setting is getting harder and harder.

But it’s kinda funny really. For someone to be a good writer- to create characters and worlds from their imagination- they’d have to gather ideas from real life experiences. I don’t know if it’s like that for everyone, but personally, that’s how it works for me.

And the problem is that I’ve somehow trapped myself. I haven’t really tried anything new recently. I go to the same places, I meet the same people, and I run through the same routine everyday. Plus, I haven’t read anything that interests me.

With college resuming, my schedule has become hectic again and the stress of studies has returned. But I think that’s the point. I have to somehow integrate it to my life. I have to live in such a way that I learn and experience new things constantly. Because I know for a fact that there won’t ever be a point in my life where I’d be worry-free.

Everyone only gets one life and the best that we can do is live it the best way we can, in the hopes of dying without anymore regrets. Challenge yourself. Choose to explore and discover. Embrace the things you’re passionate about. Cherish the people you have in your life. Choose to be happy even during the rainy days.

know it’s difficult, but try anyway. It’ll be worth everything in the end.

 

(Note: How this post went from being not able anything decent to life and choices? I don’t know. But I’m glad it did haha.)

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Some Nights

(Note: I found the artwork and the quote from the berlin-artparasites page on Facebook. I don’t own either of them and if you like quotes and artworks, I definitely recommend you to go check the page out.)

“Some days you just have to say ‘fuck it, I did what I could today’ and just let go of all the stuff you wanted to do. Life is too short to be angry with yourself for being human.” —Constantine Spiritworker artwork by Cristina Zavala

I can’t really explain what I’m feeling right now, not only because I lack the words to properly describe it, but also because it’s a complete mess. It’s like I’m experiencing a constant change of emotions and various thoughts are running through my mind all at the same time. Honestly, I’d say that I’m quite a mess, at the moment, but I’m getting by and hanging in there, so I’ll be fine.

I hate when I over think stuff. It makes everything worse than it really is. I don’t want to think about how long I’d have to be in college before I graduate (technically speaking, it would be at least, and hopefully at most, five years). I don’t want to think about all the stuff I have to do before graduating (an endless list, really). I don’t want to dwell on whether or not I’ll be left behind again. I really just want to shut away these thoughts in some box and ship it to somewhere far. But, it’s really just all inside me, and it’s awful.

Why am I even writing this seemingly pointless post? Well, besides wanting to keep even these kinds of memories in my blog, I want to leave a somewhat inspirational resolution to this rather annoying feeling. If you’re going through the same things as I am, I hope it’ll somehow help you out a bit, too.

Sure, I have a lot to go through before graduating and getting a job, and even more after all of that. That’s basically life. It’s always going to be filled with both good and bad stuff. We can’t control that, but we can control how we react and feel about the things that happen in our life.

I’m in college. I’m constantly meeting new people, exploring new places, coming across new experiences, and learning new things, both in academics and in life. There’s always something new in each and every day. And, though it’s not always a good day, there’s certainly something good and something to be happy about everyday.

I’m in college. Though my schedules more free than it was in high school, I find that there is never enough time. I have classes up until 7 in the evening and I stay in an apartment, rather than going home. I have exams and projects here and there. And I have to suffer all of these things for five more years.

Do you understand what I mean? See, both of those statements are true, for me. And though it’s not always easy to see the brighter side of things, it’s much better than dwelling upon the negative things and ending up feeling really depressed.

As the quote above says, sometimes you’ve just got to give yourself a break from all that self-hate and just settle with what you managed to do today, despite all those things that keep bothering you. Rather than looking at the terribly long and high staircase that you need to climb and being intimidated by it, just take one step at a time. Trust me.

Set what you want to achieve, do what you can manage to do today, see the points where you can improve, and then do better tomorrow. And before you know it, you’re already climbing up those stairs. As Theodore Roosevelt said, “Believe that you can and you’re already halfway there”.

Reading my own words, I sound quite hypocritical. How can I be giving you advice on how to deal with these sorts of things when I, myself, haven’t really figured out anything yet, right? Well, I admit that I’m a mere work in progress, but maybe by writing all of this, we can work on improving ourselves and living a life without any regrets.

Also, I kind of have this desire that one day people will see me as a reason why they didn’t give up on life, as an inspiration of sorts. I know it’s rather selfish, but that’s what I want. And besides, to make that happen, I’ll have to do my best, as well.

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

I Don’t Even Know Anymore

(Note: I wrote this for my class and, while writing it, it’s like words aren’t enough anymore. Words are just empty words until they are put into action. Sure, I try to help people out and influence their lives, but I feel like I can do better than what I’m doing right now, and that’s a really distressing matter, to me. I feel really sad and discontent with what I have written and what I have done in my life, so far, right now. And it’s like 12 o’ clock in the morning. This really sucks. Oh, and please don’t copy my work. I believe that you have your own voice to be heard and using mine wouldn’t do you justice.)

“The Priceless Joy in Touching the Lives of Others”

By definition, purpose means “the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists”. Hence, our purpose in life is, essentially, the reason for our very existence. If we were given some sort of manual, when we were born into this world, then it would have been much simpler to achieve our purpose, but we weren’t. Consequently, we’re the ones who must find the reason as to why we are living. We must undertake a rather difficult journey that includes going through different experience and looking within ourselves, in order to find our purpose.

I desire to die knowing that I had done something remarkable, during my lifetime. I don’t need my name to be written in history books and the like, rather I wish to have been able to touch the lives of different people, in one way or another. I believe that creating a positive impact on another person’s life is an incomparable achievement. It may seem like I have a long way to go in fulfilling that ultimate dream, but by constantly taking steps toward it, such as performing small acts of kindness for strangers and trusting that they do the same, I have faith that I can and will achieve it, eventually.

I don’t expect my efforts to be reciprocated. Honestly, as long as I was able to help them somehow and made them feel like someone special, as they should, I don’t need anything in return. What else could I even ask for that would be better than that heartwarming feeling?

To be able to advance with my vision, I need to take a good look at myself and fix who I am, first. I ought to be aware of my personal strengths and weaknesses, so that I could improve and become a better person. If I want to promote change, therefore I need to be the change I want to see in this world. How could I be able to influence other people’s lives if I weren’t trustworthy and credible enough? I don’t want to become a hypocrite and advise people to live their lives in a certain way, while I don’t conform to my own teachings. I must set a good example for them to believe in me.

To become a person that other people would look up to and to be able to help others in a much wider range, I need to excel further in my academics. Certainly, there are plenty of simple ways to perform random acts of kindness and assist people, but wouldn’t I be more able to do so if I had the resources and connections? If I had the opportunity to affect more people’s lives greater, by creating a foundation, for example, then I would be willing to do anything to make that happen.

And where else would I start touching the lives of people but my own motherland? How could I travel and influence people from other countries, while my own country collapses? As a student, I can start small by simply offering food to the beggars and street children I pass by and donating the clothes that I have already outgrown. When I graduate and become a working citizen, I’ll have more means to serve and help my fellow countrymen.

Concisely, I believe that my purpose in life is to be able to influence the lives of people, by helping them in one way or another, and to be an inspiration to others. It will surely be a long and tough journey, but I find fulfilling happiness in accomplishing that goal, so everything I need to do in order to achieve it would be truly worth it. And there are plenty of ways to start pursuing that dream, beginning with myself and giving back to the country that has given me so much.

(Well, that’s all. I still feel awful and dissatisfied with everything. Shit. Tomorrow’s another day to beat who I am today, anyway, so I’m heading to bed. Sayonara~)

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

My Second Liebster Award Nomination!

liebster-award

This is my second nomination for this award and I feel really blessed and honored by it! Thank you so much to Dauntless Dream for nominating me! I was actually nominated five days ago, but I was really busy with school works. Anyways, I’ll be doing it now and I want to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you, followers and/or readers of my blog, for continuously supporting me by liking, commenting, and/or simply reading my posts. It truly means a lot to me and I’m thankful for all of you.

Through the Liebster Award, readers and fellow bloggers could discover new blogs and meet new bloggers. It’s a chance to get to know other bloggers more and for them to get to know you more. I think it’s a really effective way to find new blogs to read and follow. I’ve checked out and followed the blogs who have also been nominated by Dauntless Dream and I would say that they are amazing bloggers, as well. You should visit their blogs, too!!


Rules:

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you
  2. Answer the questions given to you
  3. Nominate deserving bloggers for the award and let them know you’ve nominated them
  4. Make 11 questions for your nominees to answer

Here are the questions from Dauntless Dream

  1. What’s a feature of yourself you would never give up?

I guess the feature of myself that I hope I would never give up is having a sincere heart. Forgive me for saying such an arrogant thing, but it’s like whenever I see the chance of helping someone, I try my best to do so. Though sometimes, I miss the opportunity, I really think about it a lot afterwards- the things I could have done.  And in this world we live in today, filled with fake smiles and words with ulterior motives behind them, I think having a sincere heart is a strong and powerful armor.

2. What’s your favourite book?

I really cannot pick just one book as my favorite. Though I would say that I’m not that much of a bookworm (my selection of books is rather limited to romance, mostly), I hold dearly unto the lessons and memories of the books I have read. I have recently finished reading “i was here” by Gayle Foreman and I’d say that it’s an eye-opening book about suicide and the lives of people who were left behind. Read it! hahaha :))

3. What is your music taste like?

I absolutely love “Simple Plan”! Not only do their songs have a good tune, but their lyrics also have such beautiful meanings! I really like songs with lyrics that have actual and notable content. Just to name a few, here are some songs by “SImple Plan” and part of their lyrics:

“Crazy”:

“I guess things are not how they used to be
There’s no more normal families
Parents act like enemies
Making kids feel like it’s World War III

No one cares, no one’s there
I guess we’re all just too damn busy
And money’s our first priority
It doesn’t make sense to me”

“The Rest of Us”:

“Here’s to the rest of us
To all the ones that never felt they were good enough
I wanna hear it for the dazed and confused
The freaks and the losers
Let’s put ’em up
Here’s to the rest of us
The rest of us”

“Ordinary Life”:

“One, two, three, four, five
Another week goes by
I’m half alive
I’m getting sick
I’m faking this
I’m over it
Don’t wanna wear those suit and tie
Gotta live before I die
So I’m done, done, done
With this ordinary life”

I seriously recommend everyone to listen to their songs. They’re amazing!

4. If you had one wish, what would you spend it on? (Can’t ask for more wishes!)

If I had only one wish, I would wish that my family and I would experience true and fulfilling happiness for the rest of our lives. I mean, what more could one ask for? Money and power are all temporary, but when one is happy with his/her life here on Earth, that itself is enough. And of course, when one is happy, he/she would be able to spread the happiness and love to other people.

5. What is your current mood?

I feel hyped (even though it’s 1 o’ clock in the morning)! It’s a long weekend and there are loads of stuff that can be done!

6. What’s one of your fears?

Exposing one’s through fears is kinda scary (though I’m pretty sure I’ve divulged it in a post or two), so I’ll make this answer sort of trivial. I have this fear of dogs. I don’t suddenly panic when I see one, especially if it’s clearly chained or tied up, but I’m really wary of them and avoid them as much as possible.

7. Where’s a place that makes you happy?

When I’m at home, I feel comfortable and happy. Not only am I with my family, but I also have the incredible luxury of books, television, and fine internet.

8. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I actually can’t decide which I want to change more: my figure (I’m kind of fat) or my incredible ability of being too stubborn. And while I’m at it, might as well just add my awful attribute of being indecisive.

9. What’s something that annoys you?

I get really annoyed by people who won’t listen to what I have to say which I think would help that person become a somewhat better person. This is usually with my younger siblings. It’s like “Man, I’ve been there, so you better pay attention to whatever I have to say.”. I guess they caught my annoying ability of being stubborn.

10. Tea or coffee?

I’m really open to both, but I haven’t had the chance to try different kinds. My friend’s really interested in coffee and even made us iced coffee when we were at her place. I’d love to try some more of what she could offer.

11. What made you want to start your blog?

My friend and I thought of making our own blogs mainly because we were inspired by an upperclassman to do so. I didn’t actually think of a legit reason to start it, but I have realized plenty of reasons to continue it.


My nominees are… *drum rolls*:

Since I’m only allowed to nominate blogs that have 200 or less followers, I apologize if a blog that I have nominated had more than 200 followers. To my nominees, sorry for imposing you with such a task, but I hope you find the time to do it and browse through the other blogs tagged in this post.


Here are my questions for the nominees:

  1. If you could spend a day in someone else’s shoes, who would it be and why?
  2. If you met you, would you like you?
  3. Is there such a thing as “forever”?
  4. What makes you most happy?
  5. If you could go travel through time and space, where would you go and why?
  6. If you could give a piece of advice to your past self, what would it be and why?
  7. If you had a choice of your last words, what would it be and why?
  8. Where do you see yourself five years from now?
  9. What feature do you dislike/hate most about yourself?
  10. Why did you start a blog?
  11. What piece of advice would you give to new bloggers?

That’s it. Thank you again, Dauntless Dream, for nominating me and to all the people who read and/or follow my blog. I hope you’d take the time to check out the blogs I’ve nominated, as well as the blog of the person who had nominated me and the other bloggers she had nominated.

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Nothing’s Wrong With Me

Did you know that there are actually a lot of full movies in youtube? It’s quite fun to watch movies for free during my abundant spare time. I’ve seen some Disney films and other amazing movies (i.e. Beauty with the Briefcase, Bring it on 2, etc). I have also been watching some of the vlogbrother’s (John and Hank Green) videos which are a lot interesting. Nigahiga and Ellen are my two stops for ROFL moments. And in case you’re thinking that I’m advertising youtube, I’m not. I just genuinely love their videos.

So, back to my point? What was my point? kidding. Just a while back, I finished watching “Radio Rebel”, an amazingly wonderful and inspiring movie made my Disney. It’s about a girl that doesn’t have the courage to speak up, so she conceals herself in the identity of this secret radio DJ. People love her not only for her great taste in music but also because she serves as the voice of the students. In the end, she learns how to actually communicate with people, reveals herself as radio rebel, and stands up for who she is.

I’m sort of that girl, to be honest, except I can’t run a radio show, so I run a blog. And the fact that Debbie Ryan is beautiful, talented, and overall, awesome, while I’m the girl that is normal? What is normal? Scratch that part about me being normal because normality of overrated. I’m the girl that’s really different, well at least, I myself think that. I like sleeping late, staying in my pajamas (their comfy), in love with a dead fictional character (I still love you, Augustus) and have no taste in fashion (I’d go with t-shirt and jeans anytime).

And that’s not even 1/10 of my personality. But this post isn’t really about me, rather it’s about all of us. I know there are people out there who think that they’re lesser than other people, think their totally pathetic, hate themselves, and think that they need to “fit in”. If you’re one of those people, let me tell you this, what you’re thinking is utterly and undoubtedly WRONG.

First of all, everyone are human beings, meaning, we’re all equally unique and different from each other, but, just the same, go through the many hardships in life. There may be some popular people in your school or whatever but, there is no boundaries of ranks in this world. We’re all gonna die anyways, right? Maybe, they’re just popular because they’re them, and you don’t need to be them to gain fame or the like, just be yourself.

Secondly, you shouldn’t be harsh to yourself. I know I could think very pessimistically about myself, but the truth is, it’s not gonna help you. I don’t think calling yourself a “loser” can particularly boost your self-esteem, it only lowers it. How do you expect people to accept you if you don’t even accept yourself? Screw those comments you throw at yourself and replace it by saying “I’m beautiful” in front of the mirror every morning. Confidence is one of the keys to success.

“Fitting in” sucks. Break through “normality” and be different. I mean, why fit in if you can stand out? Be proud of being yourself rather than following someone else’s footsteps. Don’t let society change you, rather, change society. The so-called “status quo” isn’t real. People can hang out with any other people. It was never set to be a boundary nor tall walls to keep out people not part of the group. I think it was just an intangible object that was made because people have different likes and dislikes, but if you like other things that other people like too, don’t be afraid to shatter the status quo.

You’re reading this from the girl that couldn’t even talk inside the bus, yeah, but I want to gather the guts to speak out and be myself. I know change can’t hurt and that life is a journey about finding who you are, but don’t lose yourself from all the change. You should still have a strong foundation of who you are.

Physical appearance is just a part of who you are. Don’t let it define you. I’ve seen people with disabilities, obesity, and the like, doing extraordinary things. Show people that you’re better than that. Prove to them that they’ve misjudged you the whole time and that you’re something a whole lot more.

Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.