The Start of a New Chapter

I had experienced four whole months of summer, so it’s kinda difficult for me to process that I’m already starting to attend college and that I won’t be having that much free time soon. And I’ve been both utterly calm and awfully nervous about everything! Sometimes, I think I’ve already gotten the hang of it, but other times, I think I’ve learnt nothing during high school and I’m back to square one. It’s like history’s repeating itself and I still don’t know what to do.

To some degree, I’ve progressed in my goal of not being that really shy person, but it’s rather challenging to make such a leap of personality, so I’m taking it one it step at a time. The people that have the same course and have the same block as me are really quite nice and friendly. Actually, even the ones I meet while in line for something and those previous schoolmates I occasionally are really friendly, too. College really has a variety of all kinds of people with different personalities and interests which is what makes it even more fun and exciting to experience.

Unfortunately, I have that awful habit of sleeping in class, even now. And, as usual, it causes me to have to catch up and review the lessons after class more to be able to actually understand it. On top of that, I feel really guilty after waking up because I’m disrespecting the teacher to a certain degree, even if it’s unintentional.

Despite the fact that the campus is really huge and I have to travel a rather great amount of distance to get to my classes (depending on the building, but mostly it’s just this two buildings that are relatively far), I prefer walking to my classes (if I have time in between them, because of several reasons, specifically: 1.) To save money, 2.) To get some exercise, 3.) To learn more about the campus, and 4.) To reflect on stuff. Though, when I’m with my blockmates or other people, I can compromise that to be able to hang out with them, which is pretty good.

And my raging teenage hormones are more tempestuous than usual. I’d actually rather not mention anything here because it’s kind of gone out of hand and I’d just end up making a fool out of myself, yet again. Actually, just ignoring these hormones would really do anyone good because these kind of stuff would just make you feel too self-conscious and awkward when you see or when you’re with a person you like.

I guess that’s all for now. Ja ne~

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

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The Truth?

*WARNING: What you are about to read is a somewhat general post about crushes and how I feel about my latest crush. If you are looking for inspiration and the like, THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU. I’m sure I have several posts that can accommodate you on that.*

As of now, I have had several (to be more specific, I’d say approximately 20) crushes. I’m the type to admire someone easily and quickly and I quite hate that about myself. It’s fairly difficult to have a crush, especially if you take crushes seriously, like me. It’s really annoying and, for some reason, no matter how many times I make the mistake of having a crush, I commit it again and again.

Well, I guess having a crush isn’t that bad, but it’s still a somewhat distraction to more important things, like studies. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a distraction, but you cannot deny that your way of thinking when you have a crush and when you don’t have a crush is different, even by a measly neuron.

My crush, right now, is a really decent guy. I admit that he has flaws and what not, but doesn’t everyone? I have been liking him for quite some time now and he’s just constantly in my mind. Of course, I can prioritize what I am thinking enough depending on the situation, but when I don’t have to think about anything important, I’d say he’s one of the thoughts that pop instantly in my head, along with anime and such.

I have only conversed with him a few times in the past, so I’d like to be able to talk to him more often so I’d get to know him better. It is really quite challenging to go up and talk to your crush, isn’t it? There’s this lack of possible conversation starters, an awkwardness to some degree, possible inferiority complex, problems of over-thinking, and the like.

I guess I just have to gather enough courage to come up to him and talk to him frequently. Oh these teenage girl hormones and rants!! I just want to know him well enough, probably become his friend, then maybe later on, become closer to him (even as a friend, I really don’t mind).

Oh, and something I’ve discovered only recently is that one can grow to love the idea of loving someone, but then, when that times comes when you actually love someone or are in a commitment/relationship with someone, it’s totally different. If I take crushes seriously, then I’d say that I take commitments and relationships more seriously. I don’t want to have a relationship with someone I can’t imagine a future with. What then is the actual point of that? And, besides, it’s not like I’d be in that kind of relationship anytime soon (actually, anytime within the next 5-7 years), so I still have loads of time to think about these sort of stuff.

I’m going to give you some advice that I have come up with through the years. Note that these advice is made up by an amateur like me and I haven’t had any experience of serious romantic relationships EVER (and I’m not planning to have it anytime in the near future), but I have had experiences in confessing, being rejected, talking with my crush, etc, so I hope this somehow helps you.

1. It’s alright to take initiative, whether you’re a girl or a boy. How could you even notify him/her that you exist when you don’t make him/her notice you (even just a little bit). Conversations and subtle compliments will do.

2. Don’t get your hopes up too much. Though it’s nice that you’ve progressed through conversations and such, it’s better to not get too carried away by things. It’s highly possible that you’re just another acquaintance/friend to him/her and that he/she is polite enough to respond to you.

3. If you are seriously crushing on someone, don’t tell too many people about it. Most people want to humor themselves with your stories and rants. They might even gossip about it and share it with other people. BEWARE!

4. Don’t seem too awkward. Don’t over-think the smallest of situations, like if he/she doesn’t respond quickly or if you haven’t seen him/her for a while. Chances are, they’re just living their lives with their own personal priorities. Although, do be sensitive if you know you’ve said something unpleasant or inappropriate.

5. Be yourself. I’ve watched plenty of romance movies and read romance novels to know that pretending to be someone you’re not is NEVER okay. Why would you settle for someone who doesn’t like the real you? So, it may not be your crush, but I do believe that will be someone who accepts you, no matter what. You deserve to be with that person.

Well, that’s everything I could write, as of the moment. I bid you good luck with all your endeavors. Ja ne~

Unrealistic High Standards

I’ve been watching an anime series lately and, ever since I met Usui Takumi, my guy standards have been going off the charts. I don’t think it’s realistic to find a guy like Usui because there isn’t one, but you just can’t help yourself from desiring a guy like him. He’s basically perfect. Well, as far as I know, since I’m only in episode 18. He annoys the hell out of Misaki, but when she needs help or is in trouble, he’s always there to save her. Always.

Face it or not, I am an awfully sappy and hopeless romantic. I am a sucker for love and romance stories. I sort of dislike that about myself. But, it’s me. What can I possibly do but accept it? This post is more of a diary entry that an inspirational blog post bursting with quotes about determination and that kind of stuff. I’m a 16 year old teenage girl. Please excuse me for sometimes being an hormonal human being.

I don’t want to have a new crush this year, since I feel that it’s about time that I should take a break from all that crush nonsense and just focus all my time and energy in school. And I’ve been feeling that I fall too hard too quickly. So I have decided that the guy that I gave I letter to and replied with a banana (Well, I did ask for it) will be my last official crush in my high school life. That is final.

I don’t want him thinking that it’s easy for me to replace him with another guy. I don’t want to be that kind of person, or at least, not anymore. He was important to me because of reasons I still don’t know about. I guess, in some way, he still is important to me. After all, we’ve spent like 10 months as classmates, so I guess we’re friends of sorts. Yeah. Okay.

I’m going to end this post right here. So much for being a normal hormonal teenager who has a crush on a guy who likes another girl (She’s reaaally cute).

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Is this supposed to be normal?

Okay, so I admit that this is another “crush” post. I just can’t get over the fact that within the span of 3 weeks, I’ve only said “hi” to him once, the day before my birthday. Is this normal? What is normal? Ugh.

See, we don’t really talk that much. I usually make the effort to start a conversation with him because, well, I liked him. A lot. You’d think that it would lead to a mutual interaction between us, right? Well, not most of the time. He usually just replied with a short reply and then the conversation would end. As you know, I’m not that much of a conversationalist. Heck, I suck at it. So, I don’t really think that you can blame me for having nothing to say.

I have had a crush on him. Maybe that’s why I thought it was necessary to actually talk to the guy. Honestly, I didn’t really know him that much until the end of the school year. Up until now, I barely know stuff about him. I sometimes do wish that I could undo all the stupid things I have done due to craziness and insanity. Maybe if I didn’t do those things, then we could’ve been actual friends. Stupid me.

So, I think that not talking to him is normal. I’m always awkward, with everyone, so he’s not really that different from the rest. The only real difference is my previous admiration and attraction towards him. And that’s normal for girls, like me, to have to. If all of this is normal then WHY AM I WRITING THIS POST!?!

Well, like every other letter and post that regards him, I don’t know. I might never know. It feels like a lot, now, but maybe in the near future, I’d just laugh at this post and every post and letter addressed to or at him. I believe that this is just a normal phase any normal female human being in this world goes through. It’s normal, completely and utterly, normal. 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE 

 

I’m Never THAT Girl

My teenage girl hormones are raging again. This post is mostly a rant post so if you’re trying to find something inspirational and what not, try some other post because I’m pretty sure you won’t get anything that useful here. 

I’m not the prettiest, the smartest, nor the thinnest girl in the world. I’d say I’m almost the complete opposite of the last one. What kind of guy would be interested in me? Why the hell am I ranting about this? My mom would probably say that I’m over thinking this and I’m being too pessimistic. But really, dudes pick girls who are girly, pretty, smart, and the like. And I’m not that.

I run a blog and a page. I’m not that bad at grades. I’m shy around people. I’m probably the worst person at conversations. And face and body aren’t exactly an ideal physique. I’m sort of a bookworm and I’m addicted to television shows like Doctor Who and Sherlock. Where’s the attractive stuff in that? None? Yeah.

Is it possible to like someone again, after what seemed like the longest time? Might as well add that the person has a girlfriend, which makes it a little more impossible, if that was even possible. I don’t know. It’s just the hormones working it’s way around my mind. I just really want to talk to him. I don’t really know what to talk about, but I just want to catch up with him, and some other people who I miss a lot.

What would it feel like being someone’s –dare I say it– girlfriend? I’m really curious. I’m not the best person to talk about commitment with, since I have so little. I predict that it would be like hanging out with someone, meeting up with someone constantly, someone waiting for you to have lunch with them, someone you could depend on and trust. It sort of sounds a lot like friendship, which it really has to be first and foremost, before having a relationship with someone. Love? Love (setting aside family and friends’ kind of love) remains a mystery to me. 

Mental Note: Dear John.. (You should remember to write about this..)

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

Doppelgänger

Okay, so this isn’t much of a post, but I’m going to post it anyways. See, last Sunday at church, the guy who was controlling the computer and the projectors really looked like my crush back in elementary. I could have sworn that it was him. Then, after that, I’d say that the rest of the mass was focused on finding out if he was the guy I had a crush on or not. 

Up to this point, I thought that I was over that crush. I mean, why wouldn’t I be? It’s been such a long time and we don’t even talk that often. Plus, the dude’s girlfriend is also my (used to be) close friend, until she got girly and we lost communication. So why am I going back there? Well, I would conclude that he’s the type of crush at whose sight would have my entire mind and body malfunctioning, but in normal days, I wouldn’t have a crush on. 

Though I know that I don’t have a crush on the elementary guy, I’m still very much curious on the identity of the computer guy. I just find it hard to believe that there are at least three people in this world that sort of reminds me of elementary crush (the other one’s a famous skater). Thinking about it now, I’d say my elementary crush has influenced my standards for attractive boys. 

Oh, and I saw this cute guy in the mall… UGH, HORMONES!! 

 

.LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE 

Love Isn’t All About Love

Heart_35

Okay, so to be honest, I’m sort of heartbroken right now. It’s probably nothing serious, but I really feel that I fell hard this time and now, having gone through all of that, I don’t know. Let’s just say I’m done with whatever this is right now, and I want to write something inspirational from all of this. And just to let you know, everything I’m experiencing now is completely my fault. No one can blame him for liking someone else, considering that he’s just an ordinary human being. It’s my fault that I went astray from the sidewalk that was my comfort zone and did something terribly insane and desperate. But I have no regrets, and it’s time to move on.

There are different kinds of love, just to be clear, I’m talking about two kinds of love: the teenage love and all the the other types of love. Am I making any sense? Well, during the period that you undergo puberty and adolescence and the difficult life of being a teenager, you feel this sort of attraction to a person or group of people. You feel this admiration, or even lust, towards them. It would most likely be some kind of infatuation. I’m here to tell you that, LOVE ISN’T ALL ABOUT THAT. You could be single, in a relationship, or the “It’s complicated” status in high school, but that doesn’t really matter much. I mean, from my point of view, you’re life doesn’t have to revolve around that. Peer pressure and seeing people around you coupling up might make you want to have someone to hold hands with yourself. But, don’t push it too hard. There’s a right time and place for everything, and if you think you found “the one” (which isn’t very likely) then good for you, just make sure that you don’t lose yourself in that relationship. But if you think that you just want someone to date because other people are dating someone and dating is cool, try to really think about it first. Hey, there’s no rush.Put you’re studies first because it’s the thing that would greatly affect you’re future. Just make sure you’re not making a mistake and that when you look back, you won’t have any regrets.

I don’t know. Maybe that’s why I liked him so much. Maybe this is all the workings of my teenage hormones and that I’m just infatuated with him. Either way, he doesn’t like me back, and for now, it hurts. Another thing I’d like to talk about is the fact that there’s a whole other world of the other types of love. There’s the family love which you really should check on. I mean, for me, this is one of the most important types of love. You’ve got to show that you love your family as much as they love you, since they won’t be there forever. I personally take every opportunity to tell them that I love them. And yes, I can sometimes be a real pain in the ass to my parents and siblings but I love them for understanding me and fully supporting me at whatever I want to do. I’m really happy with my family, even though we’re flawed and imperfect. I wouldn’t change a thing.

And then, there’s the friend type of love which is the third most important to me. I love my friends cause’ they’re the few people that know about my crazy/depressed/insanely insane/sensitive/optimistic/pessimistic side and they accept me for who I am. I mean, there are these occasional fights that we sometimes have due to misunderstandings and due to the fact that we’re only human, but we get over it and settle our differences. I can really be sentimental and quite clingy when it comes to friends, and can sometimes overreact and be depressed when they leave me for someone else, but I’m used to it. Besides, I have friends that don’t leave me behind when they meet other people, and I love them for that. Friendship is really better than those temporary relationships and commitments that, sooner or later, end horribly. I believe that, before a couple becomes a couple, they should first become really good friends.

Honestly, I’m not much of a Godly person. I mean, I believe in God, but sometimes I have these doubts and stuff. I think it’s pretty normal. But for what it’s worth, I trust God with my life. I believe that he has good things planned for me. i believe that in times of darkness and despair, I can turn to him no matter what. So, yes, sometimes I forget about God and not put him in the center of my life, but everything I do is for his glory and that doing God’s works and spreading God’s works is the real definition of being Catholic and putting Faith into your life.

Speaking of God’s works, the other type of love I want to discuss is our love for our neighbor. It really sounds like I’m preaching to a group of people, but I am serious when I say that you should love everyone around you, because you have no idea what they’re going through and you should help them in any way you can. You could do simple random acts of kindness like giving your extra money to church, giving your extra food to the poor, doing charity work, and the like. This world shouldn’t be defined by money, rather it should be built in the stable foundation that is love. So, I encourage you to share your blessings with those less fortunate people and watch your life become brighter.

I am really surprised with how this post is going. I should really be leaving, because I still have to study for our finals, but I had to release all that pain and hurt somehow. I have to focus on what’s really important in life and let go of those stuff that just bothers me to death. I have to do something really worthwhile and worth remembering in my life. So, I’m going to mend my heart and slice it to a million and one pieces and give it to those who really deserve it. I’ve got to forget about love life and all that crap for now and focus on my studies and think of ways to show my love to God, to my family, to my friends, and to my neighbors, even my enemies. And I’m still believing that one day, somewhere, somehow, someone’s going to love me for me.

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE