Unrealistic High Standards

I’ve been watching an anime series lately and, ever since I met Usui Takumi, my guy standards have been going off the charts. I don’t think it’s realistic to find a guy like Usui because there isn’t one, but you just can’t help yourself from desiring a guy like him. He’s basically perfect. Well, as far as I know, since I’m only in episode 18. He annoys the hell out of Misaki, but when she needs help or is in trouble, he’s always there to save her. Always.

Face it or not, I am an awfully sappy and hopeless romantic. I am a sucker for love and romance stories. I sort of dislike that about myself. But, it’s me. What can I possibly do but accept it? This post is more of a diary entry that an inspirational blog post bursting with quotes about determination and that kind of stuff. I’m a 16 year old teenage girl. Please excuse me for sometimes being an hormonal human being.

I don’t want to have a new crush this year, since I feel that it’s about time that I should take a break from all that crush nonsense and just focus all my time and energy in school. And I’ve been feeling that I fall too hard too quickly. So I have decided that the guy that I gave I letter to and replied with a banana (Well, I did ask for it) will be my last official crush in my high school life. That is final.

I don’t want him thinking that it’s easy for me to replace him with another guy. I don’t want to be that kind of person, or at least, not anymore. He was important to me because of reasons I still don’t know about. I guess, in some way, he still is important to me. After all, we’ve spent like 10 months as classmates, so I guess we’re friends of sorts. Yeah. Okay.

I’m going to end this post right here. So much for being a normal hormonal teenager who has a crush on a guy who likes another girl (She’s reaaally cute).



Arch Enemy

Everyone must have some kind of arch enemy. Someone who constantly puts them down through physical and mental means. They say such discouraging words that may convince you that you’re not good enough, that you will never amount to anything worthwhile. They do these actions that make you feel weak and cowardly, scared of being judged by these kind of people. These actions may lock you up in a prison made from something harder than the strongest diamonds in the world: Fear.

Who is your arch enemy? Someone worst than anyone you’ve met. Someone who hurts you deeply, scourging your body, mind, and soul with insufferable agony. Believe it or not, this body tormentor, this pessimist, is sometimes the person you see on the other side of the mirror: You.

Many people suffer from depression, loneliness, and hopelessness because of that loud defeatist voice inside your head saying that whatever you do, you’re hopeless and that will never change. You don’t have any friends, you will die alone and unloved by anyone. You wanna change? Yeah right, it’s useless. You can’t do this. You can’t do that. And it says other horrible stuff that would make you give up and give in.

I don’t know what you’re going through. I have no way of knowing. But I do know that whatever you’re experiencing right now, it will pass like everything else in life. It’s not the end of your life, it’s just a huge obstacle. It may look like this unbreakable border, a dead end. In these times, you’ve got to pray, talk to people who may help, people who are close to you, and stand up with all you’ve got. Shun away those cynical thoughts and build a strong foundation of hope in your mind and in your heart. 

Believe in yourself and what you can and cannot do. That will help you know what you are capable of and what needs improvement. Worrying and self-hatred never helps, it just lessens your time and the hope you have in you. 

I’m sorry but something in me says that this post isn’t good and that I’m not inspired enough. Don’t worry, I’ll continue this post as soon as I remember why I’m writing it. One thing you must know about me is that I usually don’t follow my own advice. I never learn. And that’s something I hate about me. I still have issues to attend to. I hope I can. 






Geometry 101

This week has been.. fast. Like I didn’t feel that it had been a week at all. And this is pretty surprising, considering I spend 12 hours a day at school and all the other hours preparing for it. But, it’s the good kind of surprise since I get to take a sort of break from the whole “SCHOOL” thing.

So, I had to take Geometry to pass 2nd Year and if I’d  learned something, it’s that you should never..ever.. assume. It could lead to total failure and eternal wrongness. You should use postulates, laws, theorems, and the like to prove your statement. 

This could also be used in life. Don’t assume that someone likes you, unless you have concrete proof or the dude had the guts to confess. If you do, it would lead to overthinking and eventually, craziness. There’s a lot of reasons why a guy would be nice (or flirting with you). Some of them could be: a. Your a bet, b. He’s just being a bro-friend, c. just fucking around (flirting spree), and d. just really genuinely truly likes you.

From all the choices I have stated above, the last one’s the least likely, at least in my case. But,, theoretically speaking, if the world’s not a bitch, I’d really sorta like a guy liking me. Just, liking me for me. I’m not saying that I’d say yes to him or whatever.  I just want to know that I’m likeable or have enough looks, smarts, and charms to be liked by an actual dude.

This post is messed up for so many reasons. Damn these hormones and the thing called “teenager”, acting all girly and shit. Yuck! Now, I shall go watch the movie, “Hopeless”.



How to Survive A Miserable Summer 101

Just thinking about it poisons all the happiness I have within me. I really don’t know how to deal with this dilemma wherein both sides of me win. See, there’s a huge difference between a “want” and a “need”, and it looks like I really need this to survive the next school year, even though I don’t want to attend it anymore. 

Why does life have to seem hard? All I want is to have a splendid summer, but that would cause me to be a dumb and fat 15 year old who will never amount to anything. Shit. I can’t seem to find the brighter side to my miserable life right now. I only see it as a dull way to spend an awesome vacation from school. 

I know it’s gonna help me in the mere future, but I can’t stand waking up early to go and study, unlike some people. I also feel left out and depressed whenever I’m there because most of the students are in the star section, while I’m the cut offed Rank 3.  

I just really don’t want to go, but have to. Make any sense? Excellent.