W02Y03

Two weeks into the semester of my third year in college and I’m alright. I still have my sanity intact and I haven’t fucked up, last time I checked. I don’t really intend to fuck up this semester, or any semester (past and future) for that matter. Sometimes, I just do. But I’ll try my hardest not to this semester onward… Well, rather I’ll try my best this semester onward haha.

I’ve just recently realized that binge watching The Flash during weekdays (AND weekends) isn’t such a good idea. It basically just replaced KDrama and anime as my “Ah lemme give myself some slack during dinner” bad habit. I love the series and I love the characters and I love the plot (well, I’m kinda if-y about it rn), but I have to study and practice more, especially since I’m taking the subject that I dropped last semester and re-taking a class that I failed last semester, too. I’m already in season three tho so I might binge watch it this long weekend HAHAHA… after studying ;).

Lately, I’ve been feeling more “out of place” at a certain place. Hmm well I’ve never really felt “in place” at that certain place, but I think I’ve forgotten how it felt like ’till now. I mean, there are times when I feel like I belong there and I love being part of something as great as that group, but during regular days, it’s just a bit depressing. A friend of mine asked me if I’d join the same group if I had a choice (time travel or something) and when I first thought about it, I couldn’t imagine not joining that group because of how long I’ve been part of it. It’s not an “no”, but it’s not a definite answer either. But now my answer would be a “yes”, but I would probably change most of the stuff I did wrong and didn’t do in the past. I’m not asking for an out, just a redo. But that isn’t possible now either. I guess all I can do now is to adapt (which is a REALLY hard thing to do) and to improve myself. How I feel about that place isn’t their fault AT ALL, it’s just me and I need to do something about it.

Also, for this post, I wanted to appreciate all the people in my life. First of all, I’d like to thank my family. Yes, we fight A LOT (we’ve been fighting more recently), but no matter how intense and hurtful and hurt we can get, I love them so much and I can’t imagine a life without them. (I tried not crying while writing that, but I failed.)

Secondly, I’d like to also thank my best friends, especially my best guy friend and my best friend who stays with me even though she knows that there is never a moment where I’m “calm, cool, collected” (there’s just messy and really f*cking messy), for keeping me relatively sane. Although I don’t get to see most of them often, I make the time to chat with them and invite them to hang out cos I’m clingy af.

Thirdly, a big “thank you” to the people I’m not that close with (See, I’d consider them all friends, but I don’t know if they feel the same way) but who make everyday more enjoyable. Thank you for letting me ride with you to places, for letting me drag you to spontaneous dinners, for helping me with school works, for having delightful conversations with me, and for making the walk to class less tiring and actually fun.

I’m very grateful to these people and extremely thankful for having been blessed with such amazing people in my life. So for the last (but certainly not the least) thank you, I’d like to thank God for these people and for guiding and protecting and blessing me every single day. I commit sins and make mistakes, but I am a child of God and I believe in His word. Things might seem difficult, right now, but God has a bright future planned for me and I’m going to trust Him.

So there you have it! My supposed flash post that became the basic summary of how my life rn is going. I know I swore a lot, then ended with a very religious paragraph. See, I haven’t sworn off swearing completely, but verbally, I’m swearing a bit less haha.

Before I end this post, let me just include some gifs cos I love how I can include gifs in my posts now XD.

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I hope you have a great day and amazing life cos you deserve it!

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE



Note: I guess I’m addicted to gifs now HAHAHA. *Insert stuff I can’t include here.. here”. And, if you’re still reading, I made the title “W02Y03” cos it’s the second week of my third year and I’ve been binge watching flash XD.

Also, if you’re not Christian, I completely respect your religious views and I hope you do the same for mine. LET’S SHARE LOVE AND HAPPINESS TO EVERYONE!!!

 

Make it or break it

I’m down to my last month (more or less) of second year and I’m really gonna need to get my shit together to finish this semester without failing any classes. I really can’t mess up after two failed exams in both Math and Engineering Methods in Mathematics, a failed exam in Engineering Drawing (BUT HEY, ON AVERAGE, I’M STILL PASSING!), and two horrible horrible academic essays in College English. I’d admit that this was a really challenging semester, surprisingly even more challenging than the past two semesters. But with hard work, perseverance, determination, dedication, patience, … , and, most especially, God’s help, I know I can still save my grades this semester.

They say that the first step in overcoming a weakness is awareness and acceptance. With that said, let me just say that I cheated on my diet again this week and I feel horrible. How the first sentence is related to the second? They’re probably not (HAHA), but the point is that I’m aware and I accept that I’m overweight and that I need to lose a lot of pounds to attain the “normal” weight range for my age and height. To do so, I need to strictly follow a diet and to regularly exercise. It’s hard af cos of the stress due to schoolworks and also cos of the lack of time for exercise. I tried yesterday, I failed today, and I’ll try again tomorrow. I know and accept that I sleep in class more often than I’d admit and that causes me to lag behind lessons. So that fact, along with my poor time management, is the root cause of my dilemmas. I need to be more attentive in class and to fix my priorities to catch up with my classes. It’s really difficult to do for a person like me for a lot of reasons, such as being distracted easily and terrible sleeping habits. I failed yesterday, I succeeded today, and I’ll try again tomorrow.

I guess life’s just really like that, full of fluctuations and ups and downs. The important part is to never give up because once you’ve considered giving up or settling for less than the goals that you’ve been aiming for, then you’d be stuck with that mindset. I admit that I’m stubborn and I forget this a lot, but I just can’t give up on this semester. I can’t let my parents and myself down. I can’t afford to fail any classes, again.

So, I’m still overweight, sleepy, awkward, poor in time management, stubborn, forgetful, too easy on myself, and the like. But I’m also a work in progress and, despite all the negative stuff about me, I’d say there’s some good points, too. I believe in myself that I can overcome the challenges I’m facing with God’s help and I know that He will never leave me nor forsake me and that He has a plan for me. Without Him, I am nothing, and with Him, nothing is impossible.

I hope you’re having a great day and if you’re troubled with your own challenges, trust in God and do your best! Never give up! And don’t forget to share the love! ❤

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

(Note: This is the most decent and inspiring post I’ve written in a very long time and I’m so happy cos of it. This month would be a challenging one, especially with me trying to save my grades and my sanity, but I’ll fight a good fight and do my best. 🙂

Also, if you have a different religion with different beliefs, please know that I respect those beliefs and I’m just stating what believe in. I’m not pushing anything on you, so please respect my religion and beliefs as well. Have a nice day~)

 

Love & Sorrow

Wouldn’t it be better not to have a heart to love someone? There’d be no heartbreaks, no one to miss when their gone, no disappointment due to broken promises and short-comings. There’d be neither neither selfishness for love nor selflessness because of love. People would live happier not knowing what it’s like to experience heart ache, despair, loneliness, longing, and hopelessness.

Nothing. 

But what would it be like living life without love? Sure, everyone would be happier, but what is life without love? We’d have this emptiness inside us that we don’t know. Ignorance is bliss, but we wouldn’t know how beautiful life would be with love. We wouldn’t know how wonderful it feels to love each other and how love is meant to be shared with others. We wouldn’t know how special an ordinary day can become if it’s spent with our loved ones.

Love can definitely hurt us, even kill us emotionally. Sometimes, we’d desire not to have a heart because of how tired we are of caring too much, loving too much. But in the end, love is what makes us understand other people, makes us feel passionate about something, and makes us feel compassionate and emphatic towards others. Love is what completes us as a human and it is love that gives us a sense of purpose to wake up every day.

So, treasure the love you feel for those precious to you. Stop chasing after someone who doesn’t love you because you deserve better than to waste the love you have on them. Give love to people who need it the most and put love above anger and greed and selfishness. Because the one who shares his love with all his heart is the happiest.

(Note: I JUST FINISHED NAGI NO ASUKARA AND OMG I’M JUST OVERFLOWING WITH EMOTIONS!! SUPER FEELS-Y ANIME, BUT SO WORTH IT!! I cried a bit, but that’s okay haha. And since I’m in the topic of love, as a Roman Catholic, I’d also like to bring up a few verses:

John 3:16 which states “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” and

Mark 12:29-31 which states “The most important one,’ answered Jesus, ‘is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’g There is no commandment greater than these.'”. 

No matter how messed up the world seems, let us not forget that the greatest thing is Love. )

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Please Don’t Forget

I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to forget anything about my life. I don’t want to forget the people who made me feel loved and special. I don’t want to forget the people who have forgotten me already. I don’t want to forget the places I’ve been to and the things I’ve done. I don’t want to forget any of my memories and how I felt remembering them. I don’t want to forget the experiences I’ve had and how they made me feel. I don’t want to forget who I am and how I chose to live my life. I don’t want my life to disappear from my memory.

I want to remember the happiness I felt when I first saw my sisters. I want to remember how excited I was whenever it was my birthday and whenever Christmas came because I’d always celebrate with my family. I want to remember how awesome my childhood days were, playing around the park with my neighbors whose last name I didn’t even know. I want to remember how joyful I was whenever my dad came home.I want to remember how books and anime became my escape when reality was too much. I want to remember the good times I spent with my classmates. I want to remember how I felt hanging out with my friends and wanting it to last longer, every time. I want to remember how amazing I felt when I found out I got in my dream university. I want to remember how happy I was whenever weekends came and I got to go home and see my family.

I want to remember the sadness I felt whenever my dad left for work. I want to remember how much I missed the friends that have already left me behind and those I don’t get to see that often. I want to remember how sad movies, even if they’re not that sad, made me cry. I want to remember the pain I felt whenever I had a low score or grade. I want to remember how awful I felt during those times that I wanted to be in the star section, but I didn’t get in. I want to remember how hard it was to survive both my first year in high school and in college, the crying, the struggle, and everything. I want to remember all the things I’ve ever regretted, even those that lasted only for a little while.  I want to remember the bad times I had with my classmates, the loneliness I felt.

And most of all, I want to remember me. I want to remember how quiet and shy I was, though I hated that part of me and tried to get over it. I want to remember how I’d choose to stay home over some social gathering, even though I probably regret doing that. I want to remember how I planned my future when I was only in sixth grade. I want to remember how I wanted to cut my heart up and give the pieces to the people I love, to the things I love doing, and to whatever my heart beat for. I want to remember how I thought that would be better than having my heart for myself. I want to remember all the things I’ve forgotten, all of it. I want to remember how I thought pizza was happiness (because it is!). I want to remember how thankful I was to God for everything and everyone in my life, for his continuous guidance and protection. And I want to remember how I believed that love is the most beautiful and powerful thing in the whole wide world.

 

(NOTE: Okay, so I just finished watching “Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind” and though that movie didn’t really make me cry, how I felt about forgetting, especially the ones I love right now, kinda did. I don’t care if I get hurt, or if my heart breaks into shattered pieces, or if I suffer the pain of regret. I don’t want to forget anything, especially the things that made me happy, even if it was just for a little while, because it still did.)

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Nobody said it was easy~

As the semester comes to an end, so do I. Honestly, I’m literally dead during the weekday and only come alive during the weekends that are really too short. It’s really sad, actually. And I don’t know how I’m actually going be able to fix it. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this hopeless in my life. Sure, I’m a pessimistic optimist, but this time around, it’s like I’m on the verge of giving up. GIVING UP. Old me would probably kill me if she reads me write that. Funny how that phrase contains the reason why I’m struggling right now and the reason why I’ve been struggling so hard, so far.

So, college isn’t the dream come true that I thought it would feel like. I got in my dream university and now I’ve got to stay in for AT MOST 5 years. I didn’t really think this ahead. Why did I grow up wanting to go the uni anyway? Why did I grow loving it?

What if I didn’t?

BUT those thoughts stop there. Because I do know why I chose it, besides the fact that it was the only school I knew until- what- fourth grade? I chose it because it’s one of the most amazing universities, recognized internationally. I chose it because I believe that it will my future as bright as it could possibly be. I chose it because, for me, there’s nowhere to go but (hihi).. I chose it and I am not giving up. 

Whatever happening isn’t anyone’s fault by my own. My family has been nothing but supportive and loving. My friends, let’s just say they help keep my sanity in check. And God, above anything and anyone else, guides me to the path that He has prepared before me, protects me and my family, and supports me every single time, without fail. AND I’M THANKFUL FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.

Therefore, if I mess anything up, it’s all me, and I don’t want to mess anything more than I already have. I just reaaally don’t know how to get my shit together. If you guys have some suggestions as to how I can make it possible, please write it down in the comments and I shall try to make it happen (try to the best of my abilities, that is).I would really really appreciate it! Honestly, I’m lost inside a pit of my own creation and it’s hard to climb out.

I regret not studying enough. I regret not knowing enough about Physics, Chemistry, and Math to understand it. I regret all those reaction papers I didn’t write. I regret everything I’ve done wrong during this semester.

But nothing’s over yet. 

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

 

The Future & Uncertainties

*Note: I’m really happy right now after reading all the comments in my previous post “Fairytales & Love Stories”, so I sincerely thank the three people who commented in that post. It truly means a lot to me.*

When we’re born into this life, we don’t receive a handbook or a guide on who we’re going to be. Yes, there will be several expectations from our family, friends, and other people, but no one can really say what life has in store for us. During this lifetime, we attempt to figure out things, like what we want to do, where we want to go, how we’re going to act, and so on and so forth. And finding who we are isn’t all that easy because we are changing little by little everyday. Most of the time, we don’t notice, but when we look back, we can say that “Oh wow, I’m not the person I used to be.”, “The me back then wouldn’t have done half the stuff I do now.” , or something like that. Personally, simply reading my posts in this blog makes me realize how much I’ve changed.

Now, I know most of the human beings in this world don’t really plan their life. They could know what they’d be doing tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year, but they don’t plan for what they’d be doing 10-20 years from now. That’s perfectly normal, but in my case, I’ve already dreamed what my life would be like about 20-25 years from when I was in sixth grade. I knew the high school I wanted to go to, the college I wanted to attend, the job I wanted to have, the house I wanted to live in, the kids I wanted to be a mother to, and the like. It’s really quite much for a girl who hasn’t even graduated elementary to think about, but, through the years, it has somehow helped me become more determined to not give up and constantly do my best.

But what if does dreams end up broken and unfulfilled? Where would you be then? When I was younger, I didn’t have a single doubt in my system that I wasn’t going to be able to achieve any of my dreams. But, now, I know that that’s just how life works. You win some, you lose some. No one can get everything he desires, even with all the money and treasures of this Earth (but who the heck has all of that?!). Just think that whatever that was isn’t for you, and (apologies to those who have different religions, agnostic, or atheist) God has a better plan for you. Don’t give up in life because of one measly failure, rejection, or mistake. It’s absolutely alright to cry about it, but when you’re done crying about it, you have to pick yourself up and keep doing your best. As people say “When one door closes, two more open.” or something like that (I’m not quite sure if I quoted it right).

The point is that the future is full of uncertainty. Of course right now we could romanticize the future all we want; thinking that our tomorrow is filled with so much happiness and such. But the truth still remains that our life will be composed of both good and bad days until we die. We can only plan our life to a certain level and at times things don’t work out the way we want it to. Know that, if you gave it you’re all, that’s something to be proud of and content with. It just means it’s not meant for you, but there are things that are meant for you and if you continue working hard, you’ll get there. And you’re not alone, so talking to people about what you’re going through isn’t that bad. Remember, crying is definitely not a sign of weakness, rather a sign that you put your heart and mind into something. Oh, and screw other people’s expectations. This is your life and you only live it once, so don’t let anyone else tell you what to do, how to act, etc. In writing terms, don’t let anyone else hold the pen because you’re the author of your own story.

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Sunrise Sunset

What a slut time is; She screws everyone. Nothing is permanent in this world. Even we, ourselves, are only temporary and one day, we will perish and the marks we have left in people’s minds, in this world, will determine what kind of life we chose to live.

During our life, we will experience happiness, sadness, and everything between it. We will make friends and lose friends. We will laugh and we will cry. We will love people and we will lose people we love. We will experience everything, and all of that is a pleasure. To grow old is an ultimate privilege not given to all.

Memories. They are the things that keep us on our feet during horrible times and the things that make us smile during good times. Having memories, both good and bad, is an honor. It’s really happy reminiscing the stuff that you have done and thinking about how you felt during that time. What a wonderful thing it is to have so much memories to remember! Yes, sometimes, they can really be bittersweet, being unable to go back to those times, have things the way they were, but in the end, you have to cherish those memories; At least you got the chance to live that certain way in a period of time.

You have to really decide on how you spend your time. It’s really no one’s choice but yours. You could act like a hero and sacrifice all your time for someone else, but wouldn’t that leave you with no time for yourself? Quickly, list down the things you want to do, things you’ve always planned doing but never got to do it due to reasons, then you, yes, you, go out and do everything on that list. The best way to live life is to live it with no regrets. If you keep on saving and skipping everything in your life, you’ll end up regretting the chances you never took, the things you never said, and the places you never visited.

Say “I love you” as much as you can, while you can. Take the chances you want to take but are a little too risky. Say the things you want to say to the people you want to say it. Go to the places you want to go to. Time that had passed, time wasted, will never come back. Don’t let your life become this sad story of lost chances and broken dreams, instead, hold the pen and make your life something beautiful. You are the author of your life. Yes, there is a divine author writing our lives into his plan and we should do things according to his will. Ask him to guide you along the way, to help you make decisions, and you will see that your life will turn our wonderfully.

*I love writing like I’m just transferring my thoughts into words and typing the words into this post. I feel really inspired writing about time after finishing all the available “Ao Haru Ride” manga chapters (Chapter 43.. 4:16 am.. teehee!). I really suggest that you, guys, watch it or read it. It’s spectacular!*

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE