April 13, 2012: It Summer and Where Do We Begin?
“I had planned that this summer of 2012 will be the best summer (period) This is my first summer of being in high school and next school year, I’ll be in second year and that thought kind of makes me nervous. I don’t want to be second year yet. I want summer to feel like forever. But unfortunately, there’s only more than a month before summer ends. I had so much plans for summer this year which have disappeared and died as a thought. I also want to forget someone who meant so much to me and I didn’t even mean a thing to him. He found out that I liked him and well.. you get my point. I don’t know what to do.. I hope something exciting happens or something.”
April 13, 2013: This Same Day.. A Year Ago
“I didn’t really know what to do for this very special celebration, but a friend suggested that I write about my year of having this blog. I couldn’t say that my life changed completely because everything is still pretty normal to me. It’s still unfair, unpredictable and worth living…
I think the only difference was I always brought and wrote on a notebook, anytime anywhere. I’d write about my day, rants, movies, and more. I don’t post everything in this blog because some of it is kinda personal and contained information I was not permitted to post in this World Wide Web. After writing, I’d feel calmer, happier, and like I’d let go of some huge luggage. I also have noticed that I ACT-ed more this year. It was embarrassing, yes, but it was worthwhile.”
April 13, 2014: Happy 2nd Birthday, Blog!!
“I made this blog exactly two years from now, and I’ve been writing in it ever since. Honestly, I couldn’t imagine life without this blog, and I wouldn’t ever know what it would be like. I know I don’t post here as often as I did when I started, but this year has been such a hassle and I didn’t really feel inspired to write. But, this blog has been helping me survive life by providing me my very own space to fill with words expressing my thoughts and emotions. Writing in this blog has given me someone to talk to when I feel like absolute crap, when I feel so alone, when I realize something rather amazing, and the like. This is like my online diary that other people could read and relate to. I’d say that it’s my companion while I grow up because as I write in this blog, time goes by and things change. I somehow document stuff and milestones in my life through this blog.
This blog is like the pictures I take, it’s permanent. Whatever happens, whatever changes, this blog would remain the same. In the future, I could re-read the posts I wrote when I felt depressed, the posts I wrote when something fantastic happened, etc. This is like my portal to my brain and my heart before it changes. I don’t always read my past posts because I’m too lazy to read everything, but when I do, I remember those memories, and just smile.”
April 13, 2015: Three Years and Counting
“So, this little blog of mine has kept me company for three years already. Though I do have friends, as I said, change is inevitable, so I’m relieved that I will always have that one companion to turn to in times of despair and share happy and insightful moments with. And that companion is my blog. Not that I don’t appreciate my family and friends. I am genuinely grateful to have been blessed with such loving and supportive family and friends, but of course there are still things and times when they don’t understand me and such, and during those times, this blog is where I let all my thoughts and feelings flow freely. And now, I’m about to embark on another adventure, the beginning of a new chapter in my life. Fortunately, I didn’t fuck up and I am blessed to have been accepted in my dream university. Oh my gods! I didn’t fuck up! You have to forgive me for seeming a bit over dramatic, but you see, I read a blog post of mine yesterday saying “I’m going to college next year, which means that I’ll take some entrance exams later this year and I’m dead nervous. Those tests define my future and, whatever happens, I’d like to know that I’ve done my best. I don’t know what’s in store for me, but I really hope that I don’t mess anything up. I feel like these things are happening too fast. It feels too real now and I have to do everything I can to pass those tests. Why did I say those stuff? Well, in the future, I’ll be reading this and would probably be smiling because present me has no idea what the future holds for me. I really wish I could gather my shit enough to not fuck up. Hmm.. what would this blog be like a year from now? Would I still be posting? Would I feel happy because I already know what my university would be? Would I be sad because I didn’t get in my dream university? I guess I have no way of knowing.” I know now that I didn’t fuck up. Am I boasting too much, ah apologies. I’m just really happy.
As busy and tired as I might be in this coming school year, I don’t think I could survive the five long years of my course without this little blog of mine, my constant companion through life’s adventures. Yes, the future is still a great mystery of me, a mystery I have yet to unravel, but one thing’s for sure: I will keep writing here until my heart stops beating. It might not be as frequent nor as good as before, but, as I previously said, how lonesome life would be without a companion, right?”
TODAY, April 13, 2016: Four-ever and Ever!
Honestly, I cannot help but smile and be at the verge of crying tears of joy right now. Not only because I’m really close to losing my sanity because of college, but also because it’s been FOUR years since I’ve started writing in this blog of mine. I rarely read posts that I’ve previously written, so reading the posts I previously wrote for my blog’s anniversary is really just overwhelming. I’m filled with mixed emotions I can’t control!
So, the me back then is as clueless about the present as I am about the future. It makes me happy reading these posts and other previous posts, particularly about my future, because I’m living it and, though life feels like shit sometimes, it’s a dream come true! I can’t say the same about things further in my future, especially with Physics, but somehow I’ll manage to keep going on the path I’ve chosen. This blog is the closest to a time machine that I could probably get and I look forward to the future me reading this post.
I’d like to say that I’ve changed a lot since starting this blog four years ago, but I haven’t or at least not in a grand dramatic scale. I’m still clumsy, poor at time management, pretty awkward, sleepy, overly-sensitive, and stubborn. It sucks because I’m TOO stubborn to learn from my mistakes the first time, or even the second and third time, it happens. But, I’m slowly, but surely, growing and hopefully, in the future, I become the kind of woman I want to be- strong, smart, independent, kind, and beautiful, above all other things. I’m in this constant state of fluctuating, up and down and up and down, but it’s a way of knowing that I’m trying and I’m changing.
I love this blog. It’s a place where I can pour my heart, thoughts, and feelings out. It’s always there for me- when I’m sad and lonely, when I’m happy and feeling incredible, and when I have the urge to write because of something I realized. I mean, sure, I have wonderful friends and a loving family, but sometimes, they’re not there or they can’t understand. Without this blog, I think I would’ve exploded because of my thoughts a long time ago. I love writing and I love this blog.
What happens from here on out? I don’t know and, although I have no way of knowing what happens in the future, the future I still have ahead of me, I want to keep writing for as long as I live, until my last breath, until my heart’s last beat.
This blog has been keeping me sane for four years and it will continue four-evermore!
(Note: HAHAHA.. IT’S BEEN THREE STRAIGHT WEEKS OF HELL AND I’M CURRENTLY PREPARING MY REPORT FOR ENGLISH 11 AND I STILL NEED TO DO MY PHYSICS PROBLEM SET AND TONS OF OTHER STUFF, BUT HEY IT’S THIS BLOG’S 4TH BIRTHDAY, SO FUCK IT FOR LIKE 30 MINUTES.
THIS POST IS ALL OVER THE PLACE AND I DOUBT ANYONE WILL READ IT FROM BEGINNING TO THE END WITHOUT SKIPPING, BUT IT’S MY DRAMATIC 4TH ANNIVERSARY POST, SO IT’S FINE.
I’D ALSO LIKE TO THANK ALL MY FOLLOWERS AND READERS FOR READING MY POSTS! A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO TAKE THE TIME TO COMMENT! I’M REALLY JUST AN AMATEUR AND ALL I WANT IS TO RANT MY HEART OUT AND SOMEHOW HELP PEOPLE IN THE END, SO YEAH. THANK YOU SO MUCH AND I HOPE YOU KEEP READING!
WELL, THAT’S ALL. HAHAHA. BACK TO REALITY.. :(:)
Always and Four-ever, The Girl With The Pen
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE