My Selfish Desires

I’m really sorry, but these thoughts won’t go away,

I know I’m selfish, please, just listen for a while,

I also have this side of me, will you still stay?

This is me giving it my all, can I make you smile?

 

When we first met, t’was a day like any other,

I had no idea how special you would be to me,

I’m grateful to you, for you, to Father,

No matter how far, to my heart, you have the key.

 

Let’s sing karaoke, go to amusement parks!

Take pictures, give presents, share our meals, together,

Have debates, talk deep, exchange of witty remarks,

These things, I want with you, this is our forever.

 

I know that I’m flawed, even dramatic, at times,

I do not have it in me to bid you “adieu”,

I love you, though it doesn’t seem that way sometimes,

I don’t need so many friends, I need only you.

 

(Note: HA! I actually made something not so messed up for once! And, just to be clear, this is a poem for my best friends and not really for anyone else. I’m not really ready or even up to romantic relationships and those kind of commitments haha. I just really miss my friends and I want them to know how much they mean to me. Though, you’re free to interpret it your own way.)

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

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And she’s got everything that I have to live without ~~

Here I go again, writing another blog post when I should really be writing my world history homework. I can’t help it. This is my only time to write and during the duration of writing this post, I feel guilty of wasting my time. But doing what you love isn’t that much of a waste, is it? Besides, I’ve been sleeping all day, I can probably sleep late tonight.

I’m quite an undesirable girl that persists on being optimistic when she’s really very pessimistic. My size isn’t exactly ideal and my looks.. well. Point is,  a boy liking a girl like me is a long shot. I couldn’t imagine it happening in a million years. Although I thought of how a guy would even try liking me, probably some bet or joke.

Yes, a joke. I’m a human being that has no hope of being fallen in love with. I mean, I know there are some love stories that prove me wrong, but love could be non-mutual or one-sided. What would happen if I really like a guy (even possibly love him) but he doesn’t love me back? Is that considered?

But like any other other girl, I dream about my very own prince charming, someone who’d sweep me off my feet and take me to happy ever after. I can’t help but feel sorta envious to the girl someone/someones fancies. Is it really hard to be her? She seems PERFECT. But then again, maybe not.

Ugh, these hormones are turning me into some hopeless dramatic romantic. YUCK! Whether I like it or not, this is not a fairytale nor a wish-granting factory. But I do believe that there is someone out there somewhere that would like me for me. And I do hope I meet him in this life.

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Now I’m Standing Alone in a Crowded Room And We’re Not Speaking

No one wants to feel alone and unloved in this world. Everyone needs the assurance of someone being there for them when they fall. Of course, at times, we need to be alone for self meditation and reflection, but most times, we need someone to talk to. I cannot (repeat CANNOT) live this life without my friends and family. It won’t be worth living anymore.

I have tried to imagine a day when all of my friends would leave me and I’d be alone. It was definitely unbearable, being unable to talk to anyone. It’s really quite sad what I’m doing right now, typing on some keyboard and talking to a computer, but no one’s online. 

And the day is coming near. I feel that my friends are leaving and forgetting me because they have new friends. I try to make an effort to be a part of their new group but a hopeless thought often strikes me. The awful thought that no matter what I do or say, I would never be part of them and end up left alone in some dark alley. 

Why is that? Someone told me that I should just move on from those so-called “friends” and find people that could and would be true friends to me. But, I don’t find it that easy, having spent so much time on those old friends that you used to know so well. On the other hand, why keep holding on when those on the other end of the rope have obviously let you down? Why put so much time and effort on those people who forgot you already? Why keep trying?

As you can see, this post is almost filled with questions because I, myself, am confused and unsure of what to do next. I’m sorry if this isn’t as insightful and inspiring as you thought it would be. 

Curse this pathetic thing called “Change”. I mean, there’s good change, but there’s also bad. The people who I used to hang out with are with other people and seem to have forgotten me. Ugh. I can’t help but reminisce those moments when we were still close. 

Communication has to go both ways. A person cannot go talking to a brick for long. He/she would get tired of it and give up. I know that’s not such a good example but that’s how I feel, that I’m the only one who’s giving the effort in our “friendship”

But how long could you hold on to something broken? When you let go, where would you go?

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE?