Flash Post 037: The Beginning of The End (of My Third Year in College)

It’s almost finals week!! Well, it’s practically finals week already, but technically, it starts this Friday. I have an approximately 3 exams this week, a paper due tomorrow, and a presentation on Thursday. Basically, it’s almost no different from any other hell week I’ve experienced this semester EXCEPT I actually need to legit more than survive this one because IT’S FINALS AND I NEED TO PASS ALL BUT ONE (I’M SO SORRY! I STILL FEEL SUPER BAD ABOUT THIS BUT I NEED TO PRIORITIZE THE CLASSES THAT I ACTUALLY STILL HAVE A PRETTY GOOD CHANCE AT PASSING) OF MY CLASSES!!!

But first, let me just share the first paragraph of a post I’d written almost (10 days short) 2 years ago:

“Okay, so it’s my finals week this week and I’ve only been reviewing for the exams the night before th actual exams!! I’m so horrible!” -Me, Flash Post 001: My First College All-Nighter

If reviewing for exams the night before the actual exams is so horrible, then I’ve been doing an incredibly horrible job at studying this WHOLE semester, especially during the times when I’d cram weeks-worth of knowledge into one night. Like what I’m doing tonight. HA.

I was supposed to have an exam a while ago, but it was moved on Thursday so YAY FOR ME. Except I kind of put off studying for my exam tomorrow because of said supposed exam a while ago, so there’s that. But it’ll be alright. I just need to not mess up studying tonight.

I’m posting a blog post now because I might not be able to post until after finals week (unless I really feel the urge to do so). I really really really hope (and NEED) to pass all of my classes this semester and figure out how to enlist the major I’m about to fail this semester in my university’s other unit. Lord, please help me!!

And since it’s already the end of this flash post, might as well write that I kind of sort of miss him a bit already even though it’s only been around a month since I got the chance to properly hang out with him again (psssh..). I’ve already sort of kind of accepted that the next time we’d get to properly hang out would be during the next academic year (like how I accepted that I’m gonna fail that one major hahaha sahd), but it’d be nice to see him every now and then this week and the next.

I’m still not (and probably won’t be in the near future) over him. But I’m fine and we’re fine. It’s alright.

FINALS WEEK IS COMING AND MY THIRD YEAR IN COLLEGE IS ALMOST ENDING!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Image result for finals week cute gif

 

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Questions

What have I done with my life, so far?

I can’t help but question myself whenever I see people, that I know, travelling, chasing after their dreams, doing something for the betterment of others, and what not. I am in awe of them because they’re off doing amazing things. They’re wonderful, really, and I want to be like that, too- wonderful.

How can I actually improve myself?

Awareness and acceptance is the first step to self-improvement, I think. I also need a very legit reason to do so, something I can hold onto when things get difficult. See, it’s not only physical appearance I’m talking about, but also my attitude towards people and things, such as academics.

What comes after that? The hard part- the execution. It’s really not easy to change oneself, especially when you’re as stubborn, indecisive, and forgetful as me. I’m awful, really. And sometimes, I think of myself as a hypocrite- how can I be writing about big things while I’m still a work in progress? I’ll just leave that unanswered because I don’t know how to.

I’m going to have to face a lot of obstacles on my way to improving myself, most of which will be the obstacles that I myself have set before me- self-doubt, insecurity, selfishness, and the like. But somehow, hopefully, I’ll get by.

Why would I go to such measures just to improve myself?

Why? Well, simply because I’m not satisfied with who I am right now. I dislike who I am as a person and how I’m living my life. I want to do better. I know I can.

I want to get out of my comfort zone. I want to make new friends. I want to help other people. I want to explore new places. I want to try new things (legal, of course). I want to make a difference. I want to be passionate about something. I want to publish books. I want to spend time with my family and friends. AND SO MUCH MORE!

And I feel that the me right now won’t be able to do all those things.

 

(Note: I HAVE A CHEMISTRY (DISCUSSION) EXAM NEXT MONDAY, A MATH EXAM NEXT NEXT FRIDAY, AND A CHEMISTRY (LAB EXAM) AND A PHYSICS EXAM NEXT NEXT NEXT MONDAY!! NOT TO MENTION THAT IT’S FINALS WEEK NEXT NEXT NEXT NEXT WEEK!!

Gods, I just want this semester to end. Please. I don’t know how I’m going to survive and I don’t know how I can make my grades survive with me, but I need to manage to do that somehow.

And this post looks like I’m talking to myself or whatever. I hope at least one of you readers could relate and I hope this post helped you somehow cos it really looks like I’m talking to myself and that’s just sad, really.)

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE