Flash Post 034: I’m Not That Girl

I extremely miss the girl that I was before,

She knew what she wanted in life – that I adore.

Always doing her best in everything she did,

Sure, she had flaws, too. Let that slide – she was a kid!

 

Now, I’m almost 20. What have I done so far?

Graduated high school, got in college, drove a car.

All the credit goes to the girl I once was,

What happens now when all of that, she was the cause?

 

Maybe I’ve forgotten how challenging it was,

What she did was quite a feat, a round of applause.

Yes, I may be kinda lost and rather different now,

But there’s a chance that I can be better somehow.

 

I’ve gone through so much and these challenges will pass.

I’m not her anymore. Not the top of my class.

But if there’s someone I must beat in life – that’s her.

I can and I will even though right now life is a blur.

 



I have two upcoming exams tomorrow and on Monday and I need to get my shit together now, probably more than ever. I’m currently taking FIVE majors this semester (and a general elective.. hello again Bio) and there’s a possibility that I might get delayed if I fail even one of these. I mean, I’m all for people taking they’re time and moving at they’re own pace, but my parents are sort of strict and I have this personal goal I need to achieve for myself.

It’s pretty weird to compare myself right now to who I was in the past, but it does make sense, right? She graduated with honors in high school and got into her dream university. On the other hand, I’ve failed a total of FOUR classes during my three-year stay in college, so far.

I’d like to continue this post, but I’ve lost my train of thought (above other things) and I need to continue studying. I’ll leave you with some things I wrote not so long ago which are related to my dilemma-at-hand.

“I’ve lost myself somehow. I don’t know how, or when, but the person typing this out is definitely not the owner of this blog. The Girl With The Pen was someone passionate about writing and everything else she did, who loved the idea of love, and who never once thought of giving up. Where she is now? I wonder.” – Taken from The Stranger With A Pen

“So, this me right now is writing this post and she might not be the girl I was in the past and I might not be her tomorrow, but she’s left pieces of herself in her writing and I will leave pieces of myself in mine.” – Taken from A Writer In Love

 

Image result for MOTIVATIONAL GIFS

Image result for MOTIVATIONAL GIFS

Advertisements

Flash Post 030: I NEED TO SLEEP

Tomorrow is the first day of my second semester being a third year student and I’m having a hard time sleeping. It’s like the night before a field trip when you’re feeling excited and nervous at the same time. I’m super excited to start a brand new semester with new professors, new classmates, and a new schedule (which isn’t half bad, really), but I’m also nervous because of the same reasons.. new semester.. new professors.. new classmates.. new schedule. AND A NEW DORM! Ugh too many new things! Can I have another week to process all this?

Of course not.

So here I am, trying to express myself, through writing, to let go of some of my thoughts and feelings. I need to sleep soon cause’ I don’t want to sleep in class ON MY FIRST DAY.. or in the coming days. I want to break that habit, so I need to get proper sleep at least tonight.

But that’s probably not happening.

Starting tomorrow, I won’t be going to the same dorm I’ve stayed in since I was in first year, I’ll be following a different schedule which means I’ll have to adapt to this new schedule sooner or later, and I’ll probably be missing my schedule, classmates, and professors from last semester and the Christmas break that has come to past.

But it’ll work out – that I’m sure of! I just need to fix the things I need for tomorrow before going to bed and take ALL OF THIS one step at a time.

Let me end this post with a few of my favorite verses and some cute motivational .gif’s! As always, I am proud to be a Roman Catholic and whether or not you have the same religious beliefs, I respect you. So I ask you to do the same for me. Thank you and let’s all spread love and happiness!! ❤

Image result for I will never leave you nor forsake you

Image result for luke 1:37

Image result for philippians 4:13

Image result for cute motivational gifs

Image result for cute motivational gifs

Image result for cute motivational gifs

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Twenty Eighteen

Happy new year to everyone!! I know it’s already the fourth day of the “new year”, so I’m kind of late with my greeting, but I didn’t want to post something rushed and crappy for my first post this 2018, so I decided to take my time to gather my thoughts and to feel inspired and motivated to face the year.

And after four days, here I am! I won’t be writing about the year that was simply because I’ve already written 47 posts about how my days went down and I’d very much like to close that chapter of  my life already, keeping the memories I cherish and lessons I’ve learned with me.

I’m turning TWENTY this year and, as much as I’d like to not turn TWENTY, it can’t be helped. I’m going to turn a year older and it just so happens that I’ve already spent 19 years in this world. I can’t really say I’ve done much during those years, but I’m currently studying in my dream university taking up a course I never really planned on taking but I now have come to like, so I’d say I spent generally most of those years in a not-so-bad way.

The year I turned 18 years old, I realized that the whole excitement of getting to throw a huge celebration and becoming legal is a trap. Yes, A TRAP. People suddenly expected me to become mature, to act like an adult, and all that. Let me just say that I’m a bit slower to become mature compared to other people, so all those years of being a teenager didn’t quite prepare me for these sudden expectations. It’s a bit scary, really, but I’m slowly getting my shit together and trying to do the right thing in situations. I would like to thank my parents, most especially, for loving and caring for me despite this “phase” I’m going through. Even I think I’m too old to be going through a phase, but I don’t really remember going through a legit rebellious phase during high school, so maybe this is it? I don’t know, but hopefully I’ll get through it as soon as possible.

I’ve decided that this year, Twenty Eighteen, is my year. Even before the clock struck 12, I’ve skimmed through a lot of posts and tweets about how this year is going to be the year of a lot of people and I think it’s great to start that year with that mindset – with a winning and positive attitude that we’re going to slay this year. I also admire the “new year, new me” attitude because I think a lot of people really want to change how they are as a person, their perspective on something, or even an aspect of their personality and what better time to start it than the beginning of another year, am I right? But let’s remember that every day is a new day and you don’t need a new year to decide that you’re going to change something about yourself and it’s okay to have fluctuations every now and then – the important thing is that you keep striving to become a better version of yourself. So if you’ve kind of given up on this year already, please don’t because it’s just the 4th day and I believe you can still do it.

That being said, I’d like to start and end the year with my head held up high and with that mindset. I admit that I’ve got a lot to work on with regard to myself and that I have ways to go in being the woman I want to become in the future, that smart, strong, independent woman I wrote about in one of my exams last year, but I’m a work-in-progress and every little step counts.

I’ve decided that my word of the year is Challenge. For this year, I’d like to challenge myself to get out of my comfort zone, to take risks and invest in things that would help me grow and become a better version of myself, to push myself to my limits, and to go above and beyond what I’m expected to do. It’s not an easy task and I’m going to take the whole year (or more) to accomplish it, but nothing great is ever achieved easily. And in the this year and my life revolve around God because when you entrust your life to Him, you are saved and He will reveal the wonderful future he has in store for you in His time.

So there you have it! This post might have been three days late, but I couldn’t have written this any sooner. I guess sometimes you just gotta take your time and take things slow.

Cheers to another amazing year ahead of us!! Let this year be another year of living life, laughing at simple things, and loving God, others, and of course, yourself!

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

The Start of the BEST CHRISTMAS BREAK Ever!!

I am FINALLY done with the first semester of my third year in college!!!

Honestly, this semester has been a sort of messy mix of a lot of things. There were times I just wanted to get it over with, but there were also times I felt that it was time was going too fast – I wanted more time and I didn’t want some things to end. I guess part of the reason why it felt faster than it should’ve was because there were simply too many suspension of classes. I think cumulatively, we had about 3-4 weeks of no classes this semester and that’s A LOT of days.

I liked my schedule, my professors, and the groups of classmates I had for this semester. They were all great and I wouldn’t have preferred to have it any other way. Sure, I had this one class where we didn’t meet for about 2 MONTHS, but we ended up with substitute professors who were wonderful in their own ways. I had a class that was sandwiched between two majors, so I had to go from one building to another, then back, but, most times, I don’t regret not cancelling that class. What I thought would be really hassle Tuesday’s and Thursday’s turned out to be my favorite days of the week for this semester.

Actually, I think about that quite a lot. There’s a lot of things that could’ve gone differently if I had done some things in another way. I know it’s like that for everything, but I especially felt it during this semester. It’s true even for seemingly minor decisions at the time – one thing led to another and now, it’s a bunch of things. I can be a very impulsive person who acts purely upon emotions, but I can also be the type of person who plans everything out and over thinks EVERY LITTLE THING. I don’t always get to choose which kind of person I am, most of the time, so I think by now you understand how a little thing could’ve resulted to an EXTREMELY DIFFERENT SEMESTER!

I say that and I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t also think about what it’d be like, but I’m pretty happy with how the semester was. As I said, I had a great schedule, great professors, and great groups of classmates, so thinking about those kinds of things is unnecessary. I’m super thankful for all of that and for the continuous love and support I receive from my family and friends. Honestly, I couldn’t have survived this semester if not for all of them, so thank you, Lord, for blessing me with so many great people in my life.

I’ve also learned a lot of things from this semester, as you could notice from Flash Post 018: Things I Probably Shouldn’t Do Again..Flash Post 25: And The List Goes On.., and a lot of my other previous posts. It’d do me good to remember all these things and other stuff, but I think I’d forget it at some point, so I need to tag those posts here.

So much for this semester. Overall, I’m very happy that it’s over. I’ve got AT MOST 2 years and a semester more in college, so here’s to closing this chapter of my life and ALMOST starting a new one (let’s save that for my new year’s post haha).

Before then, I have A LOT of RiverdaleThe FlashShokugeki no Soma, etc. to watch over the break.

I hope you’re all doing great cause’ you’re amazing human beings and you deserve nothing less. This will be one of my many December posts and I’m looking forward to it.



I’m the girl, you’re the guy. What am I allowed to do?

You already know how I feel, so it’s up to you.

It’s one-sided. I’m selfish. But I want to see you.

I can find ways, but should I? What am I supposed to do?

 

But, as I wrote on my exam, I’m a “smart, strong, independent woman” who loves herself more, so this isn’t me desperately trying to ask someone for their time, rather, it’s me trying to figure out how “getting to know” works and what “opportunities” mean when I’m the type of person who can plan and make things happen if I really want to.

I’m a smart, strong, independent woman and whether or not we get to meet during this break, I’m going to have the BEST Christmas break of my life and I’m really more than just a girl who likes you.

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

Update: I’m starting to think that, although he knows, it’s still very much one-sided on my part. Of course it is. And maybe he’s just that type of person and I get that. I really do! We’re all some sort of person with our own personality and attitude and all that. But the least that anyone could do is…

Hmmm.. I don’t want to rant about him here because I like him and it’s one-sided and I just think it’s unfair to write about him negatively in public because he’s just really being him and I don’t want to rant about anyone who’s just being who they are.

MERRY (ALMOST) CHRISTMAS!!!

Image result for december gif

IT’S THE FIRST DAY OF THE TWELFTH MONTH OF MY 19TH YEAR ON EARTH AND OH MY GOSH CAN YOU FEEL THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT?!?!

No? Well, I can, despite having about 15 days of school left. I haven’t really felt Christmas-y in a while (since I entered college, I think) so I’d say it’s a good thing to feel all warm and happy this time of the year.

Hmmm.. not as warm and as happy as I’d like to be, but the sun’s still shining and life is still (and will always be) beautiful.

Like me. HA. 

I just passed my extra homework a few minutes ago and I’m happily writing away inside our school library. It’s nice being able to write after finishing what has to be finished.. even though I wasn’t able to get all of the items. I should really do this more often.

I felt like writing a blog post the day before yesterday, but the title included the phrase “This is NOT a Decent Post” and I started ranting about a lot of things that make me sad, so I decided to stop and just go home.

I still have a class later and a lot of exams during the next two weeks, but for now, I can write and that’s good enough for me.



Happy December, everyone! I hope you’re having a wonderful day to start the month! If you’re not having such a good day, always remember that “Everyday might not be a good day, but there’s always something good in every day” and that you (YES YOU!) are a beautiful human being to whom God has given the gift of life for a special purpose. You might not know it yet (HECK I DON’T EVEN KNOW IT YET.. I THINK), but there is such a reason and you’re future will be amazing.

Personally, I have a lot to be thankful for and happy about! I’m studying in my dream university, taking up a course that I kinda like, surrounded by really awesome people, and having two (literal) places to call home (both with delicious food and sufficient WiFi!). So, this December, I’d like to focus on the positive things in my life and deal with the not-so positive stuff in a positive way!

Hopefully, I’d be able to post my new “My Favorite Things” board soon (probably a bit after the end of this semester). I’d also like to post something like an appreciation post for everyone who make my day better than okay (YAY!), a post reminiscing all the memorable moments this 2017, and a new year’s post posted a few minutes before 2018. HEY! THIS BLOG WILL HAVE SO MUCH STUFF GOING ON THIS DECEMBER! WOOH!

Honestly, 2017 has been a messy mix of good things and bad things, as most years should be, I think. It’s not easy being a year older than 18 cause’ it makes me a year shy of being 20 years and old and that’s just a bit too much to take in right now.

I still have a long way to go in the road of being the woman I’d like to become in the future. And sometimes, the stuff that my mom says, when we fight, get to me, to the point of me actually believing that it’s true, so that’s kinda sad. But I’m a work-in-progress and if I can’t believe it and my mom can’t believe it either, then what hope do I have?

I suddenly just thought of another post idea! I should probably write something for myself as a reminder of a lot of things.. because.. as I said.. I’M FORGETFUL AND STUBBORN AF.. aside from other things.



So there you have it! A kind of messy, but really happy, post to start this December! I’m pretty sure I’ll be busy these next two weeks, so I might not be able to post here, but always remember to…

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE. ❤

 

P.S. Y A Y

P.P.S. IT’S SNOWING!!!

Image result for cute snowman gif

Flash Post 22: ≈ A Month

I’m both happy and sad that this semester’s almost over. Happy because who doesn’t want a semester full of hell weeks (and class suspensions) to be over? And sad because this has been the best semester I’ve had in a while, in terms of people, schedule, and academic performance. It’s really too soon to say, though, considering that I still need to get more than passing scores for the remaining exams to pass in at least two of my classes. Sure, the stakes are higher than ever for the rest of the semester, but for the first time in a long time, I actually believe that I can manage it, hoping that I get my shit together enough to get through this.

Part of the reason why this semester’s great is the people who do seemingly little things that mean a lot to me, the new friends I’ve met only this semester but have become rays of sunshine to my day, the close friends who’re always there for me in more ways than one, and, of course, my family who’re constantly supporting me and challenging me to do my best in everything I do. They might not realize it and I might not always tell them or show them, but I am very blessed to have them in my life and I’m very grateful for the things they do.

Only around a month to go and I really need not to mess this up. Well, I’m aiming for better than not mess it up, but that’s probably the least that I can do. I don’t want my efforts to be for naught.

Just one month. Just a bit more to go.

I guess I’m posting this to thank the people who make my days a lot brighter, to motivate myself to do more than survive, to make myself believe that I’m actually capable of managing the rest of this semester, to prove to myself that I can actually write something that isn’t about the guy I like, and a whole lot of reasons. Well, except to finish my write-up for the art gallery visit because this obviously isn’t it.

There’s a lot of good things and bad things about this semester, a lot of good days and not-so good days, and I guess liking him is like that too – heartwarming and heartbreaking.

And… I’ve failed to finish this post without mentioning him, but he’s been a huge part of this semester and I can’t set that aside. ありがとうございました。 私はあなたがとても好きです。

さようなら~!!

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

Disclaimer: I don’t understand much of the Japanese language. I neither speak nor write in Japanese on a regular basis. The translation was generated through Google Translate.

 

 

P.S. Happy November!!!

 

 

 

 

A Writer in Love

I’ve been writing stories since I was elementary, but I’ve never finished a single one. At some point, I thought they were all just garbage, so I decided to delete all of it. Surely enough, I regretted that decision when I was in sixth grade, when one of my best friends also liked writing stories. I got back into writing stories because of her and our days of talking about the stories we had in mind. I haven’t seen her in a while and I miss her for a lot of reasons, but I guess things change and these memories are something I’ll cherish forever. I’ll still get to see her of course, so I look forward to those memories we’ll be making together in the future.

I wasn’t much of a poem or essay person, but during my first year in high school, we had to write a lot of them for our English class. I’d say that was the time I realized my fondness for writing. I already liked reading books and writing stories at the time, so I guess I just discovered that I found it easier to express my thoughts and feelings in writing rather than in speech. I was a quiet girl and, most of the time, I still am, so writing was my only medium of expressing myself, really.

Then I made this blog. It’s probably one of the best decisions in life I’ve made, so far. I’ve probably said this before, but my friend and I made our blogs because we were inspired to do so by an upperclassman. She’s really talented and successful and, honestly, she’s been one of my life pegs since high school. So she had a blog, well she has a blog, but she doesn’t write that often anymore, and my friend and I made our own blogs. My friend was really good at writing to the point where I sort of envied her, but it was all good since she was doing her thing and I was doing mine. She deleted it though, consequently leaving me alone in this blogging adventure we once shared. Well, it was more of a personal thing on her part and I don’t really feel deserted by her. Personally, I would’ve still wanted us to be as close as we were before, but it was my fault and that’s a completely different story.

Now, writing’s the only thing I can do, I think. Well, I’m not saying I’m a good writer, but it’s something I can do remotely well. I don’t write as often as I’d like to due to my circumstances and my frequent state of being uninspired, but I still love writing nonetheless.

Thinking about it, that’s actually something we need more of in this world: Love. I know I’ve written a lot about it, from my crushes to sharing love to complete strangers, and from loving yourself to God’s love. It’s a really broad and complex topic and I still think everyone has their own meaning of love.

But can I just say that it’s such an amazing thing to be a writer.. and in love..?

I’m not just talking about the romantic kind that Shakespeare wrote about in most of his works. I’m talking about love for God’s creations, such as life and nature. There are so many things to write about, but being in love with what you’re writing about is just.. wonderful, in the best sense of the word.

And what we write will live on for centuries, even after we die. Sure, it might not be as well-known as Shakespeare’s and Hemingway’s, but it’ll still be there and someday, it might even be read by future writers. That’d be nice, I think.

I think all writers leave pieces of themselves in everything they write, from those mandatory essays and reaction papers to their personal works. So, imagine living through these little pieces even after you’re gone – pretty much like how a horcrux works in the Harry Potter universe. Cool, right?

So, this me right now is writing this post and she might not be the girl I was in the past and I might not be her tomorrow, but she’s left pieces of herself in her writing and I will leave pieces of myself in mine.

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE



This post might be a bit messy, but this is probably the most well-written one I’ve posted in a while, so it’s okay. I started writing this because I felt frustrated that I’m not able to write a decent short story for my Wattpad account. I re-read my old ones and WHY DO THEY LOOK SO WELL-THOUGHT OF FOR ME???

So, yeah, I’m the girl with the pen who’s a writer in love.. with a lot of things- people, ideas, the world, life.. and I guess I’m in love with love, too. Or at least the idea of love.

Well isn’t this a fun post? HA. I have a quiz tomorrow and an exam on Saturday and what is life? And I’ve posted in two consecutive days! Wooh!

Also, I’d like to thank a lot of people, again. I might not be able to enumerate all the good things these people have done for me (even if they’re small and simple things) because there’s a lot of them, but thank you nonetheless for making these past few days brighter and for making me happier. So much love for you all~ ❤

giphy