Flash Post 034: I’m Not That Girl

I extremely miss the girl that I was before,

She knew what she wanted in life – that I adore.

Always doing her best in everything she did,

Sure, she had flaws, too. Let that slide – she was a kid!

 

Now, I’m almost 20. What have I done so far?

Graduated high school, got in college, drove a car.

All the credit goes to the girl I once was,

What happens now when all of that, she was the cause?

 

Maybe I’ve forgotten how challenging it was,

What she did was quite a feat, a round of applause.

Yes, I may be kinda lost and rather different now,

But there’s a chance that I can be better somehow.

 

I’ve gone through so much and these challenges will pass.

I’m not her anymore. Not the top of my class.

But if there’s someone I must beat in life – that’s her.

I can and I will even though right now life is a blur.

 



I have two upcoming exams tomorrow and on Monday and I need to get my shit together now, probably more than ever. I’m currently taking FIVE majors this semester (and a general elective.. hello again Bio) and there’s a possibility that I might get delayed if I fail even one of these. I mean, I’m all for people taking they’re time and moving at they’re own pace, but my parents are sort of strict and I have this personal goal I need to achieve for myself.

It’s pretty weird to compare myself right now to who I was in the past, but it does make sense, right? She graduated with honors in high school and got into her dream university. On the other hand, I’ve failed a total of FOUR classes during my three-year stay in college, so far.

I’d like to continue this post, but I’ve lost my train of thought (above other things) and I need to continue studying. I’ll leave you with some things I wrote not so long ago which are related to my dilemma-at-hand.

“I’ve lost myself somehow. I don’t know how, or when, but the person typing this out is definitely not the owner of this blog. The Girl With The Pen was someone passionate about writing and everything else she did, who loved the idea of love, and who never once thought of giving up. Where she is now? I wonder.” – Taken from The Stranger With A Pen

“So, this me right now is writing this post and she might not be the girl I was in the past and I might not be her tomorrow, but she’s left pieces of herself in her writing and I will leave pieces of myself in mine.” – Taken from A Writer In Love

 

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Image result for MOTIVATIONAL GIFS

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Flash Post 033: 50-Day Free Trial

Me: So today marks the end of my 50-day trial of the year 2018.

Life: There’s no free trial. You were given 365 days this year and you’ve managed to live through 50 days already. 

Me: What do you mean “There’s no free trial”????



Today is the 50th day of the year and I kind of want a redo of most of the 49 days I’ve already spent this year, but of course that’s not possible. Right now, I have two options: to see it as 49 days down the drain and my year is ruined OR to recognize that I still have 315 days and 13 hours to live this year to the fullest.

Of course I’m choosing the second option because I haven’t actually done anything that’s extreme enough to ruin this only 50-day old year (HEY IT ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE!!). It’s just that sometimes it gets really sad that I start to question my life choices. Not that I don’t question them on a regular basis, but it’s gotten a bit more frequent and I’m not really asking the same questions as before.

I guess I’m mostly sad about the fact that I’ve managed to destroy my “no sleeping in class” streak (of two weeks) with “OH MY GODS I SLEPT FOR MOST OF THE CLASS” streak (of three weeks), the anxiety I feel about that Engineering Economics exam I took about two weeks ago which hasn’t been returned yet, and some other problems I’d really rather not discuss or think about.

I have a debate tomorrow, an exam on Wednesday, an exam on Saturday, and an exam on Monday. I’ve gone through worse, but it’s kind of the fact that all of my exams will be the first I take for those classes and I’ve sort of slightly forgotten how to actually study for exams over the break, so yes  I need to get my shit together more than I usually do to get through these next two weeks.

I’m alright and everything’s going to be fine and I hope you’re doing great, as well. Let’s get through all our problems (that we are able to solve right now) together! ❤

Also, to the guy who might be reading this (I say “might” but there’s a greater chance he’d never get to read this in this lifetime), thank you for continuously considering me as a friend and for being the nicest and most considerate crush  I’ve ever had. It took me a while, but I think I finally fully understand what you said about effort. See you around!! 🙂

I better resume the little progress I’ve done in studying for my exams. If you’re looking for a sign to have a fresh start after 50 days into this year, this is it. Today is a new day, the sun is shining brightly, and it’s never too late to decide that this year is going to be your year.

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

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Image result for cute motivational gif

Image result for cute motivational gif

 

Image result for cute motivational gif

Image result for cute motivational gif

Flash Post 032: Best time to drink coffee?

I tried drinking coffee during my first class, but I still ended up falling asleep. Four hours later, I’m hyper af and I don’t know what to do with this much energy.

So  here I am writing about it. Typical.

I thought I have a lot going on this week, but after listing them all down, it’s all still pretty manageable as long as I don’t screw up by wasting the time I should be using productively to watch TBBT or some KDrama.

There comes a time in a woman’s life when she realizes that although she’s already in her third year of college and ALMOST turning 20 (yes, I’m still 19.. please don’t make me older than I already am), she still doesn’t know what to do after college and how to legit adult.

Why do most people seem like they know what they’re doing? Was there an “Adulting 101” handbook given when people turn 18? Cause’ I didn’t get my copy.

Well, all things considered, I think I still have a pretty good grasp as to what I want to do in the future. I just can’t completely plan out all the details yet. And I think what I’m currently doing is okay at this point in my life right now.

I should really just stick with the stuff I can do now, like study for my engineering economics exam on Thursday. Or fix my resume and CV so I can apply for internship opportunities. There’s a lot of stuff I can do right now that could benefit my future, whether it’s short-term or long-term.

 

The computer I was using to write this post died on me and I’m posting this about 2 days after actually writing it haha.

 

LIVE. LAUGH LOVE

Flash Post 031: White

Today, the sky is completely white (the proper term would be “cloudy af”, I think) and it’s so cold everywhere and I realized that I really dislike this kind of weather.

My classes for Wednesdays and Fridays end at 12 noon and 10 am, respectively, and I should really plan out what I do after class because now I’m very hyper, because of the coffee I drank earlier, and super unproductive.

I had planned to study, but it seems that I’ll be doing that a bit later. Everyone’s so busy with a lot of things and I know I should be busy, too, but here I am writing a blog post for my personal blog.

I’m only starting to learn more about my course from my majors, so it’s not that bad if I don’t know what to do for the rest of my life yet. I know I want to pursue a master’s degree after graduating and I want to make a positive impact on the world, but that’s pretty much it for now.

And I don’t know how I’m going to manage that because I don’t have anything legit to put on my resume, my time management and work ethics need A LOT of improvement, and I don’t have any other skills aside from writing which I’m not even that good at in the first place.

The weather is so depressing and I don’t know how the rest of my day will go but life is still very much beautiful and I’m glad to be alive.

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Flash Post 28: In The Middle (of Finals Week)

Okay, so right now, I should be studying for an exam for the class where I’m still running for exemption from taking the finals. But I realized that there’s too many stuff going on inside my mind, so I decided to write a quick “Flash Post” before continuing my studies.

There are certain things I simply cannot think about right now AND that’s what this post is about, I think. To make things clear, I’ll neatly write it down as a list.

*Insert my name here*’s to-not-think-about list:

  • Whether or not I’m going to fail my Engineering Statics class
  • Whether or not I’m going to fail my Statistics majors class
    • Do not compute for the score you need for finals to pass.
    • Do not compare yourself with other people. You are your own person!
    • Don’t think you’re going to fail. Worse comes to worst, you still got that +2% attendance bonus!!
  • The mini movie house that just opened nearby
    • You ALREADY HAVE PLANS, so don’t do it. Just DON’T.
    • “Mother knows best.”
  • The guy I really like
    • IT’S FINALS WEEK AND YOU’RE STILL THINKING ABOUT HIM! You’re awful.
    • You can deal with these kinds of things later, *insert my name here*. Now is NOT THE TIME TO BE THINKING ABOUT IT!
    • For Pete’s sake (who’s Pete?), DO NOT OVERTHINK!!!! It’s not helping anyone.
    • Rather than worrying over this, just think of him as an inspiration to slay finals week.
    • Okay, just don’t think about him and do your best 🙂 .

I just really need to get through this day and do great in my exam later, so that I can go home, be exempted from taking the finals for that class, and study for my only remaining final exam this Friday.

 

Bonus funny material:

 

It’s funny cause’ I really should be studying, but I stumbled upon it on Twitter. He should’ve still had a sign even though he’s not a “pa-fall” person. He’s just a reaaaaally nice guy that people have a tendency to like (or really like!), I think haha.

I really should be studying now, so bye.. for now 🙂

Image result for cute motivational gif

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Flash Post 27: 4 am Thoughts

Yesterday was really sort of depressing and, for the most part, I didn’t know why exactly. I’ve got ideas on why my day started out on the wrong foot, but most of them aren’t considered as a big deal, really. I didn’t do well on my exam the other day (which is probably the only one that’s a “big deal”). I had to wear a skirt and borrow sandals for school yesterday cause’ I didn’t have any pants that I could wear. I wasn’t able to finish my part of the homework (but I did most of it, anyway, so this is probably fine).

You think it’s the outfit, too, right? Yup, probably the outfit.

And the fact that it was the last day for a class I really liked (for all sorts of reasons, not so much the class itself, honestly) and I wasn’t prepared. Well, most people would be happy that we don’t have to go to class anymore tomorrow, but I’m kind of not.. happy about it.

As an over thinker, of course I just had to deprive myself of the pleasure of being “in the moment” by being sad about how it’s ending and how it’s gonna be the “last time”.

I hadn’t seen them in a week and I wish I hadn’t been sad about the whole thing.

The weather wasn’t feeling all the sunny either. And the last walk was the quietest walk we’ve had ever, I think.

I wish I could’ve said more stuff, but I was over-analyzing the situation, thinking shitty things, and I just felt kind of sick, really.

The point is, things could’ve gone better if I had done some things differently. I was just so anxious and sad, so it just kind of ended like that.



BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT THIS POST IS ABOUT!

See, I thought that a close friend of mine (who I haven’t seen in a week) was acting kind of cold towards me (because we’re usually really kind of clingy to each other), but, as usual, I was just over thinking it and she’s a really great friend whose advice kind of gave me some peace of mind.

And I thought I was being a bother to someone who’s really considerate and kind and I’m sure he has flaws somewhere, but his good points outweigh his bad points, I think. It’s still a bit scary with this one, actually, to the point where I end up not doing anything cause’ I’m afraid that I’d do too much (cross some invisible line, maybe?) and scare him off.

But, as my close friend said, people actually tell you whether or not you’re a bother (well, too much of a bother since some of them can tolerate a certain level). And while I know most people aren’t like that, I know they are. So I hope they tell me if I’m bothering them too much.

And then there’s my mom. I knew what I had to do, but I still did the thing I knew I shouldn’t do. Last night was a mess, but my mom’s still the best. I seriously doubt there’s anyone else like her.

AND THERE’S JUST A LOT OF PEOPLE IN MY LIFE THAT I AM SO BLESSED WITH AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT I DID TO DESERVE THEM BUT THANK GOD THEIR IN MY LIFE CAUSE’ I DON’T KNOW HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT THEM.

And it’s actually still very scary to be left alone, really.

But that’s for another time. I still have two exams today and let’s go, derivatives!



To the person that I like,

Even though you know I have a blog, already, I highly doubt you’d be reading this, so I’ll just leave it here.

I hope you don”t get scared cause’ I’m really afraid I’d scare you off. I really want to get to know you better cause’ I like you and I think that’s normal. Please tell me if I’m bothering you too much because that’s one of the last things I want to do.

ALSO, I’ll admit I did some pretty stupid things, but please don’t dislike me for that reason, if you’ve come to that realization. We’re both alright with it now and just don’t bring it up. Just properly talk things out.



Am I a very messy person right now?

It’s 4 am and I’ve only had 2 hours of sleep.

Do I still love my life?

 

OF COURSE I DO!

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE