Flash Post 28: In The Middle (of Finals Week)

Okay, so right now, I should be studying for an exam for the class where I’m still running for exemption from taking the finals. But I realized that there’s too many stuff going on inside my mind, so I decided to write a quick “Flash Post” before continuing my studies.

There are certain things I simply cannot think about right now AND that’s what this post is about, I think. To make things clear, I’ll neatly write it down as a list.

*Insert my name here*’s to-not-think-about list:

  • Whether or not I’m going to fail my Engineering Statics class
  • Whether or not I’m going to fail my Statistics majors class
    • Do not compute for the score you need for finals to pass.
    • Do not compare yourself with other people. You are your own person!
    • Don’t think you’re going to fail. Worse comes to worst, you still got that +2% attendance bonus!!
  • The mini movie house that just opened nearby
    • You ALREADY HAVE PLANS, so don’t do it. Just DON’T.
    • “Mother knows best.”
  • The guy I really like
    • IT’S FINALS WEEK AND YOU’RE STILL THINKING ABOUT HIM! You’re awful.
    • You can deal with these kinds of things later, *insert my name here*. Now is NOT THE TIME TO BE THINKING ABOUT IT!
    • For Pete’s sake (who’s Pete?), DO NOT OVERTHINK!!!! It’s not helping anyone.
    • Rather than worrying over this, just think of him as an inspiration to slay finals week.
    • Okay, just don’t think about him and do your best 🙂 .

I just really need to get through this day and do great in my exam later, so that I can go home, be exempted from taking the finals for that class, and study for my only remaining final exam this Friday.

 

Bonus funny material:

 

It’s funny cause’ I really should be studying, but I stumbled upon it on Twitter. He should’ve still had a sign even though he’s not a “pa-fall” person. He’s just a reaaaaally nice guy that people have a tendency to like (or really like!), I think haha.

I really should be studying now, so bye.. for now 🙂

Image result for cute motivational gif

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Advertisements

Flash Post 27: 4 am Thoughts

Yesterday was really sort of depressing and, for the most part, I didn’t know why exactly. I’ve got ideas on why my day started out on the wrong foot, but most of them aren’t considered as a big deal, really. I didn’t do well on my exam the other day (which is probably the only one that’s a “big deal”). I had to wear a skirt and borrow sandals for school yesterday cause’ I didn’t have any pants that I could wear. I wasn’t able to finish my part of the homework (but I did most of it, anyway, so this is probably fine).

You think it’s the outfit, too, right? Yup, probably the outfit.

And the fact that it was the last day for a class I really liked (for all sorts of reasons, not so much the class itself, honestly) and I wasn’t prepared. Well, most people would be happy that we don’t have to go to class anymore tomorrow, but I’m kind of not.. happy about it.

As an over thinker, of course I just had to deprive myself of the pleasure of being “in the moment” by being sad about how it’s ending and how it’s gonna be the “last time”.

I hadn’t seen them in a week and I wish I hadn’t been sad about the whole thing.

The weather wasn’t feeling all the sunny either. And the last walk was the quietest walk we’ve had ever, I think.

I wish I could’ve said more stuff, but I was over-analyzing the situation, thinking shitty things, and I just felt kind of sick, really.

The point is, things could’ve gone better if I had done some things differently. I was just so anxious and sad, so it just kind of ended like that.



BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT THIS POST IS ABOUT!

See, I thought that a close friend of mine (who I haven’t seen in a week) was acting kind of cold towards me (because we’re usually really kind of clingy to each other), but, as usual, I was just over thinking it and she’s a really great friend whose advice kind of gave me some peace of mind.

And I thought I was being a bother to someone who’s really considerate and kind and I’m sure he has flaws somewhere, but his good points outweigh his bad points, I think. It’s still a bit scary with this one, actually, to the point where I end up not doing anything cause’ I’m afraid that I’d do too much (cross some invisible line, maybe?) and scare him off.

But, as my close friend said, people actually tell you whether or not you’re a bother (well, too much of a bother since some of them can tolerate a certain level). And while I know most people aren’t like that, I know they are. So I hope they tell me if I’m bothering them too much.

And then there’s my mom. I knew what I had to do, but I still did the thing I knew I shouldn’t do. Last night was a mess, but my mom’s still the best. I seriously doubt there’s anyone else like her.

AND THERE’S JUST A LOT OF PEOPLE IN MY LIFE THAT I AM SO BLESSED WITH AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT I DID TO DESERVE THEM BUT THANK GOD THEIR IN MY LIFE CAUSE’ I DON’T KNOW HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT THEM.

And it’s actually still very scary to be left alone, really.

But that’s for another time. I still have two exams today and let’s go, derivatives!



To the person that I like,

Even though you know I have a blog, already, I highly doubt you’d be reading this, so I’ll just leave it here.

I hope you don”t get scared cause’ I’m really afraid I’d scare you off. I really want to get to know you better cause’ I like you and I think that’s normal. Please tell me if I’m bothering you too much because that’s one of the last things I want to do.

ALSO, I’ll admit I did some pretty stupid things, but please don’t dislike me for that reason, if you’ve come to that realization. We’re both alright with it now and just don’t bring it up. Just properly talk things out.



Am I a very messy person right now?

It’s 4 am and I’ve only had 2 hours of sleep.

Do I still love my life?

 

OF COURSE I DO!

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Flash Post 26: A Really Messy Post

(I’m turning 20 years old next year… I kinda don’t want to.)

It’s 9 am and I’m here writing at my dormitory. Good thing I don’t have an 8:30 class anymore. I would’ve been late for that if I did.

I didn’t do so well on my exam yesterday. I studied more than I  did the past exams, but I should’ve practiced more by answering more exercises.

“There comes a point in a person’s life” wherein they know they’re screwed, mid-exam.

But my mom says I shouldn’t give up yet, since there’s still finals and she didn’t raise a quitter. And, well, “Mother knows best”.

So, I have 2 exams tomorrow, an exam on Saturday, 2 exams next Monday, an exam next Tuesday, an exam next Friday, and finally, an exam next Saturday.

A grand total of 8 more exams left for this semester.

In less than 2 weeks…

I’ve survived a lot worse.. And hey! I’m exempted from taking the finals for one majors class.



There are a lot of things that could’ve gone better if only I had done something differently. I could’ve avoided a lot of arguments with my mom/parents if  I had a different tone or if I had said something different. I could’ve done better at school if only I wasn’t sleepy, lazy, and stubborn. I could’ve had more friends if I wasn’t so damn awkward.

There’s a million things I could’ve done, but I didn’t.

And this post is getting sad, but that’s kinda how I feel right now. Because of the previous line though, I thought of something that could turn this sad frown upside down!

“There’s a million things I haven’t done, but just you wait.”

Which is a line from the spectacularly amazing musical Hamilton: An American Musical.

(I spelled the word “musical” correctly, but it’s underlined in red and it looks weird, when you really look at it.. Hmmm…)

MY POINT is that I’m only 19 years old and there’s still so much I could do.

Life isn’t over yet and, while I’m going to have to face a lot of challenges..

Image result for never will i leave you hebrews

Image result for i can do all things through him who strengthens me

Image result for for with god, nothing is impossible

Image result for i know the plans i have for you says the lord



I really didn’t mean for it to become a post full of bible verses, but I’m glad it turned out this way.

If you aren’t a Christian, I still completely respect you and your beliefs. I ask you to do the same for me.

This post is kinda messy and I still don’t like the idea of wearing a skirt to school today.

Oh well…

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Flash Post 25: And The List Goes On..

Two months and a day after Flash Post 018: Things I Probably Shouldn’t Do Again.., I’m back with more stuff I probably should never do again! Honestly, I might have repeated some of the things on that previous list, but I’ve done a few new stupid stuff . It just proves THREE things: 1.) the list grows longer as I get older, 2.) you never stop learning in life, and 3.) you can only do so much stupid stuff in a lifetime.

Without further ado, here’s a continuation of the list of things “I probably shouldn’t do again”!

I WILL NEVER…

16. Not plan my activities during the weekends, especially during long breaks…..

17. Not attend class on a whim because I suddenly feel “sick” due to recent events…..

18. Talk about too many personal things with too many people…..

19. Plan something so detailed without more than minimal consultation with the parties involved…..

20. Cram a take home exam, given DAYS BEFORE, a few hours before the deadline…..

(Well, personally, I’ve faced worse, but I’m putting this anyway because, instead of prioritizing the work during the weekend, I watched the new episodes of The Flash season four, watched the new episodes of Riverdale season two, watched the eighth episode of Shokugeki no Soma, and a lot of other stuff. SO, I think I could’ve handled this one a lot better if only I did it before everything else. Which I didn’t.)

21. Avoid studying for an exam (and, well, taking the exam itself) by not-so subtly refusing to leave an establishment while in the company of my friends…..

22. Insensitively hurt a friend by making them do something that would hurt them, even if both of us are unaware (to a certain degree) of how much it would eventually hurt them…..

23. Not frequently check my bank accounts to ensure that I’m not literally broke af while I’m away from home…..

24. …..

EVER AGAIN!!

So, that’s a total of EIGHT more things added to the list of stupid (and awful) things I should never do again.

I admit that I’ve gotten a lot messier these past few weeks than my usual messy for some reason and I would’ve said that it’s okay since it’s part of life and growing, BUT I’ve really done a significant amount of damage to the relationship I have with some people because of my stupidity (and my being stubborn af). Honestly, I’ve gotten into two INTENSE arguments with someone I really love and I’ve put an important friend of mine in really weird situations because of my actions, above a lot of other things. And even then, both people are still talking to me and are still treating me with kindness AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT I DID TO DESERVE THESE PEOPLE AND ALL THE PEOPLE I HAVE I MY LIFE BUT THANK GOD FOR THEM BECAUSE I DOUBT I’D SURVIVE LIFE WITHOUT THEM!

These past weeks could’ve been easier and a lot simpler if I hadn’t done a few things and if I had done things differently. I still have an exam tomorrow morning, a problem set due tomorrow afternoon, and a bonus lab worksheet due this Friday and here I am writing a blog post, holding onto my sanity for dear life.

Just 2 more weeks of classes and finals week… Just a bit more…..

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Me (at this point of the semester) and being dramatic af:

Image result for deepmind ai gif

(Side note: If you guys don’t know, the “man” running in the .gif is Deepmind’s artificial intelligence and it’s pretty cool, so if you want, you could read a bit about it here: Google’s DeepMind AI was Told to Teach Itself How to Walk and This is What it Came Up With)

Flash Post 24: Good Morning, World!

I fell asleep at around 9 pm, then I woke up at around 2 am. From 2 am to around 5 am, I’ve been doing an assignment due today (well, more like finishing up, really) while listening to “Dear Evan Hansen” (AMAZING MUSICAL! 10/10 WOULD RECOMMEND!). And now, at 6:07 am, I feel like if I let myself sleep on my bed, I’d be late for my 10 am class. It’s a very important class, so I shouldn’t be late BUT, at the same time, for the same reason, I have to not sleep in class. Do you see the dilemma? I do haha.

Well, I’ll just probably drink a bit of coffee to stay awake.

I’m also planning to pull an all-nighter for an exam I have tomorrow night.

I was going to write that I’d just sleep a lot after tomorrow’s exam BUT I have a problem set due on Friday noon.

HA! I’ll just sleep a bit more on Friday then a lot on Saturday.

But I didn’t write this post to plan my sleeping schedule in the coming days. I’m sure I’ll get more than minimal sleep for the rest of this semester and that’s fine.

At this point in time, all I want is to pass all my classes this semester. Well, for some subjects, I’d like a more than passing grade, but for most, passing is ENOUGH.

I’m not only aiming for passing though, unlike a few semesters ago, which was probably my worst semester (hopefully for my whole college life). TWO failed classes, ONE dropped, and ONE almost failed (which is the class I failed the previous semester). SO YEAH.

AND my art gallery write-up is 23 days, 6 hours (and counting!) overdue. Normally, writing a paper for something I actually did twice (different exhibits) is something I don’t consider as work cause’ I love writing BUT, for some peculiar reason, I couldn’t find the motivation to write this. I still can’t actually and, after 23 days of not writing it, it’s just pretty troubling to think about, really.

I’ll most likely just ask for an extra credit assignment (if that exists in college).

Funny cause’ I really like that class… Hmmm…

If you’re wondering why I’m writing this post (well, assuming that you’re still reading it), I don’t know either to be honest.

But since I’m posting right now anyway, here’s are motivational .gif(‘s) to start your day!

Image result for motivational good morning gif

Image result for motivational good morning gif

Image result for motivational good morning gif

 

I really hope you have a great day because the world is beautiful and so are you.

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

 

Flash Post 023: n+1 (where n is any real number)

About a year ago. I thought of myself as a person who does most things halfheartedly – intentionally settling for mediocrity because, for reasons, I wasn’t willing to give any extra effort to the things I was doing. I don’t know when I turned from being a sincere person who does her best in everything.. to that. I’d say I lost sight of my dreams and who I wanted to be. I didn’t see the value of what I was doing and how my choices would affect my future. I gave myself too much slack, only worsening my already awful time management skills.

This year, I’ve realized that I’m surrounded by extremely passionate people who work together to achieve common goals that would not only make them proud of their hard work and efforts, but also inspire and motivate other people to become as passionate and committed as they are. I’ve conversed with people who are in love with what they’re doing, making them enjoy it rather than seeing it as work. In short, these people have inspired me to passionately immerse myself into the things that I do and to run after my dreams again, to some degree.

I say all that, but I don’t really understand what I’m passionate about, at the moment. I mean, of course I should be passionate about my course and writing, and all that, but how do you continue to fuel your passion to the point where it actually pushes you to do more?

To be honest, I’m studying for an exam, but a friend of mine told me how wonderful it would be if we can share the word of God to the people with a certain feeling of being so filled with it that we have no other choice but to share it with other people. She compared it with how I couldn’t help sharing with them the stuff that happens with the guy I like. AND HONESTLY THAT MADE ME UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE WAS TRYING TO CONVEY BECAUSE I HONESTLY CAN’T DO ANYTHING BUT TALK ABOUT OR WRITE ABOUT HIM 24/7.

I like him a lot and maybe, in a while, I can express it properly through words. He’s constantly running through my mind. While I’m sort of sad that I can’t think, talk about, and write about anything else but him… Actually, at this point, it’s just really sad how it’s come to this and this is all going to be over soon. There’s no consolation in liking someone THIS MUCH and knowing that, after this, all you’ll have is the memories.

WELL THIS POST TOOK A ROUGH TURN. Basically, my point is that it would be really great if I can be as passionate about something ACTUALLY FULFILLING as I am about him. Not that this isn’t worthwhile, it just sort of hurts now and there’s nothing else to do but let it out through writing and eventually move on.

HOPEFULLY, in my next post, I’ll be able to write about something other than him because I need to prove to myself that I can do it, so I will.

141/272

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

Flash Post 22: ≈ A Month

I’m both happy and sad that this semester’s almost over. Happy because who doesn’t want a semester full of hell weeks (and class suspensions) to be over? And sad because this has been the best semester I’ve had in a while, in terms of people, schedule, and academic performance. It’s really too soon to say, though, considering that I still need to get more than passing scores for the remaining exams to pass in at least two of my classes. Sure, the stakes are higher than ever for the rest of the semester, but for the first time in a long time, I actually believe that I can manage it, hoping that I get my shit together enough to get through this.

Part of the reason why this semester’s great is the people who do seemingly little things that mean a lot to me, the new friends I’ve met only this semester but have become rays of sunshine to my day, the close friends who’re always there for me in more ways than one, and, of course, my family who’re constantly supporting me and challenging me to do my best in everything I do. They might not realize it and I might not always tell them or show them, but I am very blessed to have them in my life and I’m very grateful for the things they do.

Only around a month to go and I really need not to mess this up. Well, I’m aiming for better than not mess it up, but that’s probably the least that I can do. I don’t want my efforts to be for naught.

Just one month. Just a bit more to go.

I guess I’m posting this to thank the people who make my days a lot brighter, to motivate myself to do more than survive, to make myself believe that I’m actually capable of managing the rest of this semester, to prove to myself that I can actually write something that isn’t about the guy I like, and a whole lot of reasons. Well, except to finish my write-up for the art gallery visit because this obviously isn’t it.

There’s a lot of good things and bad things about this semester, a lot of good days and not-so good days, and I guess liking him is like that too – heartwarming and heartbreaking.

And… I’ve failed to finish this post without mentioning him, but he’s been a huge part of this semester and I can’t set that aside. ありがとうございました。 私はあなたがとても好きです。

さようなら~!!

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

Disclaimer: I don’t understand much of the Japanese language. I neither speak nor write in Japanese on a regular basis. The translation was generated through Google Translate.

 

 

P.S. Happy November!!!