Flash Post 038: “Summer Break”

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I know you probably didn’t because why would you? In any case, I haven’t posted for exactly a month because of a lot of reasons, one of which is because I’m experiencing writer’s block right now. It is very annoying and, most of the time, I question whether or not I’m a writer at all. I mean, I love writing and I have this blog, but does that really make a person a writer or are there some other requirements? I don’t know, but I’m going to write anyway because whether or not I am one, I love writing and I want to keep writing.

My third year of college ended a few weeks ago. I managed to pass all but two of my classes (so that’s basically 4/6 classes passed) – I failed one (as expected, sadly) and I have to take a removals exam for the other. Now, I’ve become a Philosophy major for approximately a month. A friend of mine described this semester as the “Semester of Enlightenment” when I told him about it, but right now, I feel lost during class discussions because I’ve forgotten EVERYTHING I learned from my previous Philosophy class, so I need to review my books and notes to be able to catch up with my classes this semester. BUT I have friends in both of my classes, they’re taught by amazing professors, and I’m really enjoying them, so everything’s well. Last meeting, we discussed about Plato’s Lysis in one of my classes and watched The Giver in my other class. I’m supposed to write a reflection paper about the movie, but I haven’t gathered my thoughts about it yet. I’m probably going to write it later or tomorrow.

This post I’m currently writing is actually one of my “I need to get my shit together” posts because I’m a bit messier than usual since “summer” started. Yes, I’m only taking general elective courses this semester, but I’m still aiming high and I would really love to learn about and understand Philosophy more. Obviously, I can’t slack off. And I have to fulfill org duties and review for the removals I have to take in July. I’m also planning to join a story writing competition with a story I haven’t even actively thought about yet.

And can I just rant about how I’m already twenty for a bit!?!?! It’s only been a few days and I don’t feel as different as I thought I would, but I also thought I’d be a better version of myself by this time, but I’m not. I’m probably as messed up (if not more) than I’ve always been. Although I know that I’m probably not as messed up as I think I am, I also know that I have ways to go before being the person that I am. I’m a work in progress and as long as I keep trying, I know I can be that smart, strong, and independent woman I want to be in the future.

I’m not sure if I was able to write everything I wanted to write about in this post, but I’m glad I was able to write because I haven’t written in a while. Hopefully, I’ll be able to post another “My Favorite Things” post very soon because the last one was about 2 months ago and I think it’s about time for a decent post after a while.

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(I know I’ve posted this .gif before, but it’s kind of one of my favorite cute motivational .gif’s HAHAHA)

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

 

 

 

 

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Flash Post 037: The Beginning of The End (of My Third Year in College)

It’s almost finals week!! Well, it’s practically finals week already, but technically, it starts this Friday. I have an approximately 3 exams this week, a paper due tomorrow, and a presentation on Thursday. Basically, it’s almost no different from any other hell week I’ve experienced this semester EXCEPT I actually need to legit more than survive this one because IT’S FINALS AND I NEED TO PASS ALL BUT ONE (I’M SO SORRY! I STILL FEEL SUPER BAD ABOUT THIS BUT I NEED TO PRIORITIZE THE CLASSES THAT I ACTUALLY STILL HAVE A PRETTY GOOD CHANCE AT PASSING) OF MY CLASSES!!!

But first, let me just share the first paragraph of a post I’d written almost (10 days short) 2 years ago:

“Okay, so it’s my finals week this week and I’ve only been reviewing for the exams the night before th actual exams!! I’m so horrible!” -Me, Flash Post 001: My First College All-Nighter

If reviewing for exams the night before the actual exams is so horrible, then I’ve been doing an incredibly horrible job at studying this WHOLE semester, especially during the times when I’d cram weeks-worth of knowledge into one night. Like what I’m doing tonight. HA.

I was supposed to have an exam a while ago, but it was moved on Thursday so YAY FOR ME. Except I kind of put off studying for my exam tomorrow because of said supposed exam a while ago, so there’s that. But it’ll be alright. I just need to not mess up studying tonight.

I’m posting a blog post now because I might not be able to post until after finals week (unless I really feel the urge to do so). I really really really hope (and NEED) to pass all of my classes this semester and figure out how to enlist the major I’m about to fail this semester in my university’s other unit. Lord, please help me!!

And since it’s already the end of this flash post, might as well write that I kind of sort of miss him a bit already even though it’s only been around a month since I got the chance to properly hang out with him again (psssh..). I’ve already sort of kind of accepted that the next time we’d get to properly hang out would be during the next academic year (like how I accepted that I’m gonna fail that one major hahaha sahd), but it’d be nice to see him every now and then this week and the next.

I’m still not (and probably won’t be in the near future) over him. But I’m fine and we’re fine. It’s alright.

FINALS WEEK IS COMING AND MY THIRD YEAR IN COLLEGE IS ALMOST ENDING!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

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Flash Post 036: 11 Hours

It’s 3:22 am and I’m currently studying for an exam I have today which will start at 12:30 pm. I’ve already finished two exams this week and this is my last exam for the week, so I’m pretty happy that I’m still relatively alive and sane right now.

Might as well write that I’ve (sort of) given up on this class since before the second long exam WHICH isn’t something ANYONE should do. At that point in time, I still had two long exams and a final exam that could really still boost my grades up. After that, I decided to invest my effort on the classes which I still might have a chance at getting a high grade by the end  of the semester. Long story short, I’ve decided that the class was a lost cause and my performance in that class continued to go downhill from there.

UNTIL last Thursday when my professor told me that I might still have a chance at at least passing the class. I’m not really sure why he’s that optimistic (yes, at least passing is a VERY optimistic thought for someone who’s given up), but I might as well give it a chance and, as my mom would always say, it’s not over till’ it’s over.

How am I cramming WEEKS worth of knowledge and understanding into approximately NINE hours before the exam, well I’m trying to really understand the processes since my professor told me it’s pretty mechanical. Youtube videos of the lessons are very helpful and HOPEFULLY I could give it my best effort, or at least the best effort I could manage at this point in time.

You might be wondering (or not) why I still have the time (and nerve) to write a blog post if I’m super busy studying for the exam, it’s because I need to keep myself awake for the next nine hours (well, 11 hours.. counting the exam.. because I shouldn’t fall asleep.. DURING THE EXAM!) and writing is helping me not only by keeping me awake, but it’s also very enjoyable to be able to express my raw (unprocessed..?) thoughts here again after so long.

And, after all that’s happened, I think I’m back to square five (aka 20% progress). I just don’t see the point of having to make an effort to move on when, after a few clarifications about things, there’s no real reason to do so. It’s true that I’m still (a bit) awkward, that we’re most likely going to be nothing but good friends (hopefully, great friends) in the near (and a bit far) future, and that I still like him, but THAT’S okay and whatever will be will be, I guess. THANKFULLY, it’s still not awkward, in general, and I hope it never does. If you’re reading this (not likely, but still possible), thank you.

It’s 3:52 am and it took me approximately 25 minutes to write this whole thing. Subtracting it from the time I have left to study for my exam, I still have A LOT OF TIME to study!

(Let’s try to be as optimistic as my professor! Yay!!)

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LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

 

 

Flash Post 035: In The Middle (Of The Semester)

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IT’S ALREADY THE 14TH DAY OF THE 3RD MONTH OF THIS YEAR 2018!! And although I’m still a very messy person (both inside and out), I’d still say that I am enjoying the year, so far. Sure, I might not be at the greatest point in my life , in terms of academics, but I’m constantly meeting and hanging out with new friends and I really had fun during last week’s activities (*insert my organization’s name here* WIN!!) so I guess my life isn’t so bad right now.

I’m also already in the middle of the current semester WHICH MEANS I have to start saving my grades in my classes because I don’t want to die again during finals week. I got my Engineering Economics exam (which was the first ever legit exam I took this semester) back yesterday and, to my surprise, I PASSED!! Don’t get me wrong – I didn’t not want to pass, but I wasn’t that confident I’d pass the exam, so I was EXTREMELY happy when I found out I did.

Tomorrow’s the second exam for that class though, so I need to get my shit together and study properly for it. I’m still in the running for exemptions and I DO NOT want to mess that up. To my classmate who occasionally reads this blog, seems to have everything in life super organized, and is sort of really great at said subject, I would very much appreciate it if you could help me. You’re the best!

And amidst all the stuff I need to do, thoughts of you are still somewhere lurking inside my mind. I don’t think of you as often as I used to which is great and I’m immersing myself in other things, too.

I wish I could write about how I feel about you as easy as I write about other things. I wish I could just pour all these feelings and make something creative, like a short story or poem, instead of getting stuck with them alone inside my head. I wish there’d be a systematic and logical way to solve this kind of problem as soon as possible.

But shooting stars don’t exist and I still sort of slightly miss you.

I’m trying to be as casual as I can in chat and in person, so please let me be in my own personal blog.

BESIDES, there are plenty of other things I’d wish for, given the chance (e.g. academic excellence, physical fitness, world peace) so no worries.

Life is as hard as it is beautiful.

I need to study for my exam tomorrow *insert crying emoji here*. Till’ next time! ❤

Update: I FINISHED THE EXAM BEFORE THE END OF OUR CLASS AND GOT  TO REVIEW MY ANSWERS! I DON’T GET TO DO THAT OFTEN IN COLLEGE SO YAY!! ❤

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

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P.S.

Rest in peace, Stephen Hawking..

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(c) The Big Bang Theory Facebook page

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ALSO

HAPPY PI DAY!!

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Flash Post 034: I’m Not That Girl

I extremely miss the girl that I was before,

She knew what she wanted in life – that I adore.

Always doing her best in everything she did,

Sure, she had flaws, too. Let that slide – she was a kid!

 

Now, I’m almost 20. What have I done so far?

Graduated high school, got in college, drove a car.

All the credit goes to the girl I once was,

What happens now when all of that, she was the cause?

 

Maybe I’ve forgotten how challenging it was,

What she did was quite a feat, a round of applause.

Yes, I may be kinda lost and rather different now,

But there’s a chance that I can be better somehow.

 

I’ve gone through so much and these challenges will pass.

I’m not her anymore. Not the top of my class.

But if there’s someone I must beat in life – that’s her.

I can and I will even though right now life is a blur.

 



I have two upcoming exams tomorrow and on Monday and I need to get my shit together now, probably more than ever. I’m currently taking FIVE majors this semester (and a general elective.. hello again Bio) and there’s a possibility that I might get delayed if I fail even one of these. I mean, I’m all for people taking they’re time and moving at they’re own pace, but my parents are sort of strict and I have this personal goal I need to achieve for myself.

It’s pretty weird to compare myself right now to who I was in the past, but it does make sense, right? She graduated with honors in high school and got into her dream university. On the other hand, I’ve failed a total of FOUR classes during my three-year stay in college, so far.

I’d like to continue this post, but I’ve lost my train of thought (above other things) and I need to continue studying. I’ll leave you with some things I wrote not so long ago which are related to my dilemma-at-hand.

“I’ve lost myself somehow. I don’t know how, or when, but the person typing this out is definitely not the owner of this blog. The Girl With The Pen was someone passionate about writing and everything else she did, who loved the idea of love, and who never once thought of giving up. Where she is now? I wonder.” – Taken from The Stranger With A Pen

“So, this me right now is writing this post and she might not be the girl I was in the past and I might not be her tomorrow, but she’s left pieces of herself in her writing and I will leave pieces of myself in mine.” – Taken from A Writer In Love

 

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Flash Post 033: 50-Day Free Trial

Me: So today marks the end of my 50-day trial of the year 2018.

Life: There’s no free trial. You were given 365 days this year and you’ve managed to live through 50 days already. 

Me: What do you mean “There’s no free trial”????



Today is the 50th day of the year and I kind of want a redo of most of the 49 days I’ve already spent this year, but of course that’s not possible. Right now, I have two options: to see it as 49 days down the drain and my year is ruined OR to recognize that I still have 315 days and 13 hours to live this year to the fullest.

Of course I’m choosing the second option because I haven’t actually done anything that’s extreme enough to ruin this only 50-day old year (HEY IT ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE!!). It’s just that sometimes it gets really sad that I start to question my life choices. Not that I don’t question them on a regular basis, but it’s gotten a bit more frequent and I’m not really asking the same questions as before.

I guess I’m mostly sad about the fact that I’ve managed to destroy my “no sleeping in class” streak (of two weeks) with “OH MY GODS I SLEPT FOR MOST OF THE CLASS” streak (of three weeks), the anxiety I feel about that Engineering Economics exam I took about two weeks ago which hasn’t been returned yet, and some other problems I’d really rather not discuss or think about.

I have a debate tomorrow, an exam on Wednesday, an exam on Saturday, and an exam on Monday. I’ve gone through worse, but it’s kind of the fact that all of my exams will be the first I take for those classes and I’ve sort of slightly forgotten how to actually study for exams over the break, so yes  I need to get my shit together more than I usually do to get through these next two weeks.

I’m alright and everything’s going to be fine and I hope you’re doing great, as well. Let’s get through all our problems (that we are able to solve right now) together! ❤

Also, to the guy who might be reading this (I say “might” but there’s a greater chance he’d never get to read this in this lifetime), thank you for continuously considering me as a friend and for being the nicest and most considerate crush  I’ve ever had. It took me a while, but I think I finally fully understand what you said about effort. See you around!! 🙂

I better resume the little progress I’ve done in studying for my exams. If you’re looking for a sign to have a fresh start after 50 days into this year, this is it. Today is a new day, the sun is shining brightly, and it’s never too late to decide that this year is going to be your year.

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

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Image result for cute motivational gif

 

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Image result for cute motivational gif

Flash Post 032: Best time to drink coffee?

I tried drinking coffee during my first class, but I still ended up falling asleep. Four hours later, I’m hyper af and I don’t know what to do with this much energy.

So  here I am writing about it. Typical.

I thought I have a lot going on this week, but after listing them all down, it’s all still pretty manageable as long as I don’t screw up by wasting the time I should be using productively to watch TBBT or some KDrama.

There comes a time in a woman’s life when she realizes that although she’s already in her third year of college and ALMOST turning 20 (yes, I’m still 19.. please don’t make me older than I already am), she still doesn’t know what to do after college and how to legit adult.

Why do most people seem like they know what they’re doing? Was there an “Adulting 101” handbook given when people turn 18? Cause’ I didn’t get my copy.

Well, all things considered, I think I still have a pretty good grasp as to what I want to do in the future. I just can’t completely plan out all the details yet. And I think what I’m currently doing is okay at this point in my life right now.

I should really just stick with the stuff I can do now, like study for my engineering economics exam on Thursday. Or fix my resume and CV so I can apply for internship opportunities. There’s a lot of stuff I can do right now that could benefit my future, whether it’s short-term or long-term.

 

The computer I was using to write this post died on me and I’m posting this about 2 days after actually writing it haha.

 

LIVE. LAUGH LOVE