Flash Post 043: Kinda Lost

As of writing, I’m four weeks into the first semester of my fourth year in college. Quite a lot of things have happened, most of which are bad ones, but I’m thankful to still be alive and kicking. Honestly, these past few days have been really bad days, but I guess that’s life.

I’m in the library right now and happy enough to be able to write another flash post after 23 days of not writing in this blog AT ALL. I can also write when I’m kind of sad or angry, but then that would be more of a rant post and I think we could all agree that there’s enough rant posts here as is.

I know I’ve mentioned this in at least two of my previous posts, but I really miss the girl I was before (aka my high school self) because, as flawed as she was, she got high enough grades, graduated with honors (not the highest ones, nor the second highest, but honors nonetheless), and got into her dream university.

While I am barely hanging by a thread.. in all aspects of my life… right now.. literally.

I don’t really know, to be honest. I’m getting by and meeting up with my good friend who shares Christian booklets with me helped somehow, but I still feel like a really unorganized person who’s just becoming more of a failure every day. Fighting with someone whom I love dearly and being self-conscious about my appearance are few of the things that make my self-loathing worse.

BUT of course this would just be another shitty rant post without this last (?) paragraph, right? Sure, I’m not the girl I was before, but I still believe in myself enough to know that whatever I’m going through are just challenges and I’ll overcome them, just like all the other challenges I previously faced. Maybe I’m having a hard time right now, but I can and I will get my shit together and improve on the aspects of life I need to work on. I might’ve thought of giving up more than I should’ve, but I’m no quitter and I’ll get through the bad days and cherish the good days.

I am a work-in-progress and things aren’t looking that good right now, but I know God would never leave me nor forsake me and that he has a wonderful future in store for me. I have to remind myself that that, in itself, is enough to keep me going.

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P.S. I already made the next “My Favorite Things” board, but I’m still unable to write about it, so maybe next time :). Have a beautiful day every day! <3.


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