April 13, 2016: Four-ever and Ever!
“I’d like to say that I’ve changed a lot since starting this blog four years ago, but I haven’t or at least not in a grand dramatic scale. I’m still clumsy, poor at time management, pretty awkward, sleepy, overly-sensitive, and stubborn. It sucks because I’m TOO stubborn to learn from my mistakes the first time, or even the second and third time, it happens. But, I’m slowly, but surely, growing and hopefully, in the future, I become the kind of woman I want to be- strong, smart, independent, kind, and beautiful, above all other things. I’m in this constant state of fluctuating, up and down and up and down, but it’s a way of knowing that I’m trying and I’m changing.
I love this blog. It’s a place where I can pour my heart, thoughts, and feelings out. It’s always there for me- when I’m sad and lonely, when I’m happy and feeling incredible, and when I have the urge to write because of something I realized. I mean, sure, I have wonderful friends and a loving family, but sometimes, they’re not there or they can’t understand. Without this blog, I think I would’ve exploded because of my thoughts a long time ago. I love writing and I love this blog.
What happens from here on out? I don’t know and, although I have no way of knowing what happens in the future, the future I still have ahead of me, I want to keep writing for as long as I live, until my last breath, until my heart’s last beat.
This blog has been keeping me sane for four years and it will continue four-evermore!”
First of all, HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my blog of 5 years and counting! Least to say, life has been a bit more challenging this past year. As an 18 year old, I’m already expected to act more like an adult- more mature, more understanding, more responsible, and the like. I don’t really know how to grow up yet, so it’s really been quite difficult.
I’ve only written 42 blog posts since my last blog anniversary post and that’s a lot lesser than my usual post count. Believe it or not, I wrote 44 blog posts last October 2012. 44 posts within that month. And now I’ve only posted 42 within a year.
I know I don’t write as often as I used to. I don’t write as much as I’d like to either. College has been really hard for me mostly because of my terrible sleeping habit and my horrible time management skills. I never learn from my previous mistakes and I’m still stubborn af.
It’s really hard to admit that little has changed since I made this blog. I thought by this time, I’d have most of my life figured out. I am blessed with so many things- a loving and supportive family, amazing friends, a roof above my head, and a lot more privileges other people could only dream of having. Not to mention that I’m living the dream– studying in my dream university and taking up a major I chose. So why am I still lost?
I miss having the time and inspiration to write. I miss being passionate about writing. I miss being able to do my best in everything I do. I really really miss the girl who’s this blog used to belong to. I don’t know how to get her back yet. I don’t even know if I’d ever get her back.
What I am proud of this past year is being able to serve God by being a lector in our church and being able to serve the community by teaching elementary students as part of my NSTP requirement. It’s not much, but I’m glad that even by a bit, I’m able to make a positive impact and I’m proud of that. I’m improving, even by just a notch, and that’s a good enough start.
So, yes, maybe I’m not the same Girl With the Pen that I was before and I might never be her again, but I’m still a work-in-progress- still learning and growing up. I believe that by this time next year, I’d be able to give a better report.
As usual, this post is kinda messy and I’m still kinda messy, but I’m working on it. I’d also like to take this opportunity to thank all my followers and readers. I know my posts aren’t always uplifting or inspirational, so I thank you for taking the time to read them anyway. I hope some of my posts are able to help you with what you’re going through somehow. Also, check out my book and anime recommendations in the Interests page. I could at least help you through that.
Hopefully, I’ll be able to post more and grow up more this year. I hope all of you are having a great day and, if not, always remember that there’s always something good in every day. Enjoy life and don’t give up, no matter what.
Love, The Girl With The Pen
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE
(Note: Such a messy post huhu. I’m really lost rn with life, but I love life, in general. I’m positive that I can figure things out and get my shit together. It’s Holy Week, so this blog’s birthday is a lot less hectic than last year’s haha. Wishing ya’ll the best!)