Lost

I planned my future as early as when I was in sixth grade. I knew which university I’d attend, which occupation I wanted to have, and the like. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted and I thought this was it. I thought that if I followed through with that 12 year-old girl’s plan, I’d be ecstatic. And now, you could say I’m “living the dream”, but what if.. what if the idea I wanted for the future before is different from my idea of it now? What then?

Okay so maybe I’m just saying this because I’m having a hard time in my classes right now. Or maybe I’m seriously pondering upon my previous decisions. I don’t really know, honestly. No one forced me to get into the university I’m attending nor did anyone choose my course for me. The decisions that were made were all mine- my decisions. I know that not everyone has that kind of privilege and I am thankful that I do. But what now?

I don’t want to play around with numbers anymore. It’s a language that I’m not very fluent in. I can talk to you about Elementary Algebra, Geometry, Trigonometry, Analytic Geometry, and a bit of Calculus, but I’m lost in the world of Infinite Limits and Integrals.

Science is fun, given the chance to actually enjoy it. It explains a lot about the things around us and it gives us the opportunity to improve the systems we currently have. Biology, Chemistry, Physics- they’re all beautiful fields to study and I admire the things I learn as I study them. Most of them, anyway.

And engineering? It’s a wonderful field to pursue, if it’s what interests you. There’s a lot of paths you can take- civil, materials, industrial,… And even more paths within those different paths!

But I want to write. I want to explore the world and go on adventures. I want to understand people and how they think. I want to help those in need. I want to pursue something that I’m really passionate about- something that makes my heart race.

But it’s impractical. Reckless. Unrealistic.

I don’t even know myself.

Bye.

 

 

 

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