Dancing on a Rainy Day

I’m in my second year of college and I need to get my shit together. Honestly, I’m not doing as well as I had hoped at school this semester. I’ve failed four exams in total, so far (three exams in Math and an exam in Engineering Drawing). I just took my third Engineering Drawing Exam yesterday and I seriously need to pass that in order to pass the class. I have my last long exams in Physics and Math next week, then there’s finals. At this point, I don’t really know anymore.

But what I do know is that I need to put myself back together somehow, at least enough to manage to get through life right now. Sometimes, I feel like I’m not doing what I actually want to do. I’ve been pondering upon my life choices- from why I caved into my sleepiness the night before to why I chose engineering and my university in the first place. I’m at a very confusing point in my life, really. But I can’t back out now because that would be considered quitting and I am no quitter. Besides, it’s the practical thing to do. No one forced me to take up my course or to go to the university I’m attending, but I really didn’t know what I was in for and now there’s expectations that come with it.

Anyways! The reason why this post it titled “Dancing on a Rainy Day” is because I planned to make this an optimistic post! A post-ivity! (HAHAHA) since I haven’t been posting very much recently and my previous posts are a bunch of rants like how I started this post. I’ve just been going through a lot and writing it in this blog somehow makes me feel better so yay!

When I failed my fourth exam in Math (I failed 3/4 exams I’ve taken in the course), my professor asked me if I was nervous during the exam. Of course I said yes because who wouldn’t be scared during an exam? So then he told me that that was the main reason why students don’t do well- fear. I thought it was just usual, but apparently, you could actually not feel fear during exams. I still don’t know how, but I took his words to heart. I started going to the lecture and discussion classes with a positive attitude towards Math. It’s not easy, at all, but I’m faking it till’ I make it- till’ I make myself believe that I understand the lessons and that I can do it. It’s actually working because instead of giving up completely at the sight of limits and natural logarithms, I treat it as a challenge and hype myself up by accepting it.

I’ve forgotten how my attitude towards things have a huge impact in my life- to my future. I’m really stubborn and forgetful, so it’s difficult for me to learn from my mistakes. It’s hard to change. I can’t explain it very well, but I guess we all have some aspects of ourselves that we want to improve, so I guess you get my point. But as the quote goes, “If you want something you’ve never had, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done”. Aside from faking it, taking the first step to becoming a better version of yourself is another thing you should do to be able to change for the better.

I admit that I wasn’t able to do my best this semester. I gave myself too many breaks because I thought I deserved it after a tiring day. During some trials, I thought I couldn’t do it so I let myself give up. And that’s not right. The past me, both elementary and high school would be disappointed with how I am now. And this is not how I want myself to be. I’ve always dreamed to become a very successful, smart, strong, and independent woman in the future. I really need to get my shit together.

So yes, I need to learn how to dance in the rain- to be positive amidst life’s challenges. I have to figure out how to prioritize things and manage my time more wisely. I need to venture through the different opportunities of how I can follow my passion in writing and how to grow as a writer, despite the several things I see as nuisances and hindrances to it. In rainy days like this, pessimism isn’t going to help, so might as well be this positive idiot than be down about it.

Till’ next time~

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

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