Please Don’t Forget

I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to forget anything about my life. I don’t want to forget the people who made me feel loved and special. I don’t want to forget the people who have forgotten me already. I don’t want to forget the places I’ve been to and the things I’ve done. I don’t want to forget any of my memories and how I felt remembering them. I don’t want to forget the experiences I’ve had and how they made me feel. I don’t want to forget who I am and how I chose to live my life. I don’t want my life to disappear from my memory.

I want to remember the happiness I felt when I first saw my sisters. I want to remember how excited I was whenever it was my birthday and whenever Christmas came because I’d always celebrate with my family. I want to remember how awesome my childhood days were, playing around the park with my neighbors whose last name I didn’t even know. I want to remember how joyful I was whenever my dad came home.I want to remember how books and anime became my escape when reality was too much. I want to remember the good times I spent with my classmates. I want to remember how I felt hanging out with my friends and wanting it to last longer, every time. I want to remember how amazing I felt when I found out I got in my dream university. I want to remember how happy I was whenever weekends came and I got to go home and see my family.

I want to remember the sadness I felt whenever my dad left for work. I want to remember how much I missed the friends that have already left me behind and those I don’t get to see that often. I want to remember how sad movies, even if they’re not that sad, made me cry. I want to remember the pain I felt whenever I had a low score or grade. I want to remember how awful I felt during those times that I wanted to be in the star section, but I didn’t get in. I want to remember how hard it was to survive both my first year in high school and in college, the crying, the struggle, and everything. I want to remember all the things I’ve ever regretted, even those that lasted only for a little while.  I want to remember the bad times I had with my classmates, the loneliness I felt.

And most of all, I want to remember me. I want to remember how quiet and shy I was, though I hated that part of me and tried to get over it. I want to remember how I’d choose to stay home over some social gathering, even though I probably regret doing that. I want to remember how I planned my future when I was only in sixth grade. I want to remember how I wanted to cut my heart up and give the pieces to the people I love, to the things I love doing, and to whatever my heart beat for. I want to remember how I thought that would be better than having my heart for myself. I want to remember all the things I’ve forgotten, all of it. I want to remember how I thought pizza was happiness (because it is!). I want to remember how thankful I was to God for everything and everyone in my life, for his continuous guidance and protection. And I want to remember how I believed that love is the most beautiful and powerful thing in the whole wide world.

 

(NOTE: Okay, so I just finished watching “Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind” and though that movie didn’t really make me cry, how I felt about forgetting, especially the ones I love right now, kinda did. I don’t care if I get hurt, or if my heart breaks into shattered pieces, or if I suffer the pain of regret. I don’t want to forget anything, especially the things that made me happy, even if it was just for a little while, because it still did.)

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

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