As the semester comes to an end, so do I. Honestly, I’m literally dead during the weekday and only come alive during the weekends that are really too short. It’s really sad, actually. And I don’t know how I’m actually going be able to fix it. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this hopeless in my life. Sure, I’m a pessimistic optimist, but this time around, it’s like I’m on the verge of giving up. GIVING UP. Old me would probably kill me if she reads me write that. Funny how that phrase contains the reason why I’m struggling right now and the reason why I’ve been struggling so hard, so far.
So, college isn’t the dream come true that I thought it would feel like. I got in my dream university and now I’ve got to stay in for AT MOST 5 years. I didn’t really think this ahead. Why did I grow up wanting to go the uni anyway? Why did I grow loving it?
What if I didn’t?
BUT those thoughts stop there. Because I do know why I chose it, besides the fact that it was the only school I knew until- what- fourth grade? I chose it because it’s one of the most amazing universities, recognized internationally. I chose it because I believe that it will my future as bright as it could possibly be. I chose it because, for me, there’s nowhere to go but (hihi).. I chose it and I am not giving up.
Whatever happening isn’t anyone’s fault by my own. My family has been nothing but supportive and loving. My friends, let’s just say they help keep my sanity in check. And God, above anything and anyone else, guides me to the path that He has prepared before me, protects me and my family, and supports me every single time, without fail. AND I’M THANKFUL FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.
Therefore, if I mess anything up, it’s all me, and I don’t want to mess anything more than I already have. I just reaaally don’t know how to get my shit together. If you guys have some suggestions as to how I can make it possible, please write it down in the comments and I shall try to make it happen (try to the best of my abilities, that is).I would really really appreciate it! Honestly, I’m lost inside a pit of my own creation and it’s hard to climb out.
I regret not studying enough. I regret not knowing enough about Physics, Chemistry, and Math to understand it. I regret all those reaction papers I didn’t write. I regret everything I’ve done wrong during this semester.
But nothing’s over yet.
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE