for the nth time

The same fucking thing happens every fucking week and that’s because I’m stubborn as fuck. I make mistakes. I feel sad. I try not to fuck up. I get tired of trying. I fuck up. REPEAT. It’s like I never learn, well not like, I NEVER LEARN AND IT’S FUCKING ANNOYING. It’s always this choice between doing the right thing to do and doing something that gives me temporary happiness. AND I ALWAYS GO FOR THE LATTER. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK, RIGHT? And I don’t listen to anyone’s advice, NOT EVEN MY OWN. Honestly, I rarely read my previous posts which sucks because the me from then was so much knowledgeable than the me now. 

I KNOW WHAT TO DO BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE TO DO IT AND ACTUALLY DO IT. Things are way easier said (and written) than done. My previous post was almost exactly like this and it’s been what.. 16 DAYS!! And I’m getting lower and lower by the minute. What is happening to me? Well, of course I’m doing this to myself and I know I need to get my shit together, but it’s so fucking hard to do that. 

It’s REALLY difficult to push yourself into doing the right thing instead of doing the thing you really want to do, but in the long run, it’s clearly the better choice. I mean, sure, it sounds fun to watch a movie with friends, but if it just so happens to be hell week, it might not be such a good decision. Cramming stuff in your brain is stressful and you’ll easily forget it (before or after the exams.. let’s hope it’s the latter tho). And when you get a failing mark, LET ME TELL YOU, it’s as depressing as fuck, but you can’t complain because whether or not you accept it, you know it’s the score you deserve because you didn’t really study for it. AND THAT’S JUST ONE OF THE MANY SITUATIONS, well, a situation that I think all of us could relate to.

Our choices define us and how we choose to live our lives now determine how our future will be. It’s not likely for the people who just slack off and do nothing to have such a bright future, even though they’re rich now, because improving or maintaining their status requires them to work hard and do their best. It’s up to the us right now how the us in the future will be. Choose to do the things that your future self will thank you for.

AND DON’T JUST SETTLE FOR  WHAT YOU MANAGE TO DO. Certainly, there are days when you have to give yourself a break, but when you always do that, you won’t go anywhere. You have to PUSH yourself more to achieve more. One of my favorite quotes state “If you want something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.”

And always, always, remember that there’s always hope. Don’t give up on yourself. You’re a beautiful human being who deserves so much and who can do so many things. Be brave and chase after your dreams. Tomorrow is a brand new day, a brand new start for a better you.

(Note: I just needed to let my thoughts and rants spill somewhere. Gods, this post is so messy. I hope my posts in the future will be better. And I really have to get my shit together. Oh, and if you have any advice, please don’t hesitate to put it in the comments. I really need it. And, though I know this wasn’t much of a post, I hope it somehow helped you. I really do. )







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