I’m Falling to Pieces

(Warning: This particular blog post is a complete rant post and I doubt that I’ll be able to write any inspirational shit, even towards the end, so I suggest you read some other post of mine. If you want to read a shitty rant about an university student’s confusion, be my guest.)

So, it’s only been a month and two days into my second semester attending college and I’m an absolute wreck. I honestly don’t know how to proceed with life anymore. I have a Chemistry exam on Monday, a Physics exam next next Monday, and a Math exam next next Wednesday, above everything else. Not to mention that I’m so far behind on my lessons because I’m a student who’s a slow learner and a poor time manager. It’s the worse combination, trust me.

I don’t even know where to begin, at this point in time. I’m stuck in this vortex of hopelessness, stuck between wanting to do the things I want to do and knowing that I have to do the things I need to do. I hope I’m making sense, but who cares.

I know that it’s not the end yet, heck it’s only the beginning, but I don’t know how. I don’t know how to balance it all out. I’ve been settling for what I think I could manage to do every day, but by doing just that won’t get me to the future that I want to be in- a future where I’m an independent strong reliable woman who knows and loves what she does. WITH WHO I AM NOW, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO TO ACHIEVE THAT, HUH?

And, of course, I know the answer to that: I have to work my lazy ass off studying my lessons every day, so that I know what’s up and not struggle to catch up. I need to manage my time more efficiently to be able to do both the things I want to do and the things I need to do. I need to prioritize my to-do list, so I’d know which ones to do first. I have to actually follow my to-do list, so I won’t have to end up cramming everything at the last minute. I have to listen to my mother (because I’ve realized that the cliche saying is actually true- mother knows best, I swear it’s 100% proven, well at least to my mom).

I have to get my shit together because nothing good is going to come out of me not doing my best. Settling isn’t enough. I have to push myself to be able to achieve the goals that I’ve set for myself. It’s my fucking life and I need to get my act straight. If I continue things as it is, I won’t be a better person, I won’t be able to make a positive impact in the world, I won’t have the future that I’ve always dreamed and worked hard for, and everything else that I won’t be able to do and I won’t have JUST because I was unable to fix my life. I’m shattered and I need to somehow get all the pieces of myself back together.

(Note: HAHAHA.. this post is basically a shitty rant, so there’s no need for a note, really. It’s just depressing. I’m a very forgetful person, I forget how shitty I felt and how shitty I feel and end up continuing the shitty feeling. And it’s even worse cause’ it’s 2 AM and I’m still fucking awake. Goodbye for now.)

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

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