How am I supposed to do this?

Ever since I was in sixth grade, I’ve known exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I’ve known where I wanted to attend college, what kind of job I wanted to have, how I wanted my own house to look like, so on and so forth. Up to this day, I’d say that those dreams of my twelve year old self helped me to reach my goals and to be where I am right now- attending my dream university.

I never really got my copy of the life manual, so up until now, I’ve just been doing things how I thought I should do them. I’m stubborn. I sleep late. I don’t follow my own advice. And right now, I’m just really scared that because of how I live my life right now, my future might not be as bright as I’ve always wanted it to be. Like, what if I die even before my life begins because I’ve been sleeping too late and I’ve been too careless with my health? How is that going to work out for me?

I know I’m being really pessimistic right now and my parents would totally scold me if they read this, but it’s still a possibility, isn’t it? How am I supposed to live my life doing everything I want to do while also doing everything I need to do? How can I enjoy my life, even during weekdays, when all I can manage to do right now is to catch up with school-related stuff? I want to have fun as much as I can during the weekends, but doing everything that isn’t fun last minute just makes it less fun. Where am I supposed to live in this?

Am I making any sense? Well, the point is that I am horrible, to say the least, at time management. It’s just hard to keep myself from doing the things I really like doing, so that I can do the things that I need to be doing. I guess I’m not the only one suffering from this, since I’m pretty sure most people my age struggle with the same thing, but I am the one who has a blog and who over thinks almost everything, so yeah.

See, I just don’t want to sleep without knowing I made the most out of the day. I don’t want to die without knowing I made the most out of my life. I really don’t know how to do either of that, really, but I just don’t want to end up missing the weekends when I get back to school, to the dorm, and I don’t want to end up not leaving a positive impact in this world. I’m selfish. I want to be remembered and missed by many.

How am I supposed to do this?

(Note: Am I going to die soon? My hair is falling out. My memory loss is getting worse. I think I might have short-term memory loss and my attention span is horrible. I’m still very much awkward, although I’d say that I have somehow managed to improve a bit. I’m not assertive enough and I can’t stand up, much less speak up, for myself very often. HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO BE THE KIND OF PERSON I WANT TO BE IN THE FUTURE?!? I feel lost, really.

Oh, and the featured image aka the image above this post isn’t mine. I just found it in Google. Credits to the rightful owner 🙂 )




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