I have been thinking and dreaming about my fourth year in high school since I was just an innocent freshman. I’ve always wanted to get there already, go to college, and become a successful business manager. It was so much easier then, but now, it’s as if I’m in a life-or-death type of situation. It’s make-it-or-break-it time and as of now, I’m still pretty much fucking up.
Oh my gods!! How can I fucking be fucking up when I can’t even afford to fuck up? Well, I don’t know. I feel like I’m losing my capability to retain information and slowly dying. I don’t know how to fix it. In fact. by just thinking about this matter, I’m becoming a bit sad. How can I fucking pass my dream university when my brain and body is failing me? I better not fuck up more. This makes me seem a bit desperate to cling to something positive as of the moment.
It’s just one more week until school starts and I haven’t gotten my shit back together yet. I’ll have to pull myself together long enough to do my best in all the entrance exams and finish my last year of the best four years of any person’s life (or so they say). I wouldn’t say that high school was such a hell, it wasn’t. It was somehow a transition from being an innocent kid to a grown and fully independent adult. It’s like this period where you try to figure yourself out and find yourself through experiences and thoughts. It’s also the time where you meet people that you would become close with for the rest of your life and people who weren’t meant to stay in your life, rather, to teach you valuable lessons for the future.
It’s 12:07 am and I’m still very much awake. I can’t stay for much longer so to cut things short: As of right now, I am terribly depressed and nervous for what the future holds for me. Will I pass or fail?
Oh, and sometimes, in life, we tend to romanticize someone because they’re mostly away from us. We think they’re so much better than they really are. And when we meet them again, we’re just disappointed on how much we thought they were the kind of people that we look up to and think better of. I don’t know what to do with that, with any of this, for that matter, but all I can do is to continue life and avoid fucking up.
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE