Don’t you just hate it when the world becomes more unfair to you, when you have no one to turn to, no one to talk to, and just curl up and cry about how you feel like dying and how all that depression, that loneliness, sucks you inside a black hole that you can never escape? Don’t you just hate that feeling you get when your reality turns upside down and nothing goes your way? I surely do.
Honestly, I have not done a single productive thing today and I just hate it. And now, one of my closest friends tall me that they can’t come to something you’ve been sort of excited about? Bull-fucking-shit. This post isn’t really going well and I want to end it, but I am determined to finish this with a positive note.
Reality sucks, most of the time. I mean there are these moments that make it worthwhile, but it mostly screws you, makes you a complete wreck, and leaves you in some road, exposed and corrupted. I know that life’s what you make it and that I shouldn’t think too negatively, but I’m in a horrible mood and all that shit isn’t making me feel better.
So, my silver lining is mostly books, movies and series that I like. It takes me to other worlds and makes me forget my problems, temporarily. But then, this fantasy has to end, cause’ they’re never going to take me to those worlds, they’re never going to save me from this tragedy that is my life. And I am going to have to deal with that eventually. I can’t entrust my life in believing that someday, someone will enter my life, take me to other universes, show me a world I wouldn’t even have dreamed of, then stay with me for the rest of my life. That doesn’t even happen in those books, movies, nor series, the companion or the love interest eventually dies, leaves, or gets trapped in another dimension. Basically, it’s unrealistic and I have to grow up.
But, how can I when I live in a world like this? How can I want to grow up when those fantasies are much better than this reality? I succumb to society’s expectations, I go to school, I get fair enough grades, I don’t get arrested, I try to not be that screwed up. Then what? I am sick and tired of disappointments, depression, loneliness, and all that shit. I am mad at people, and most of all, myself. I suck at everything. I envy people for having more stuff and being better than me.
I have already ruined this post, but I can tell you one positive thing, just one: I have an amazing life. I am blessed with such amazing people that may sometimes suck, but I still love them very very much.. I have the luxury of having a roof to shelter me, clothes on my back, food to eat and so much more. So, yes, maybe my life isn’t so much of an ideal world, but I’ve got what i need, and yes, sometimes I take that for granted, sometimes, I don’t realize how lucky I am to be living this kind of life, but when I do realize it, it makes me feel sort of better and less shitty. It gives me contentment and hope that maybe it’s not too late for me, that tomorrow is another day for me to avoid screwing up.
This post has been a roller coaster. Now, I feel kind of better, well, good enough to start thinking that I can actually accomplish stuff tomorrow and that this day has been okay, though I completely wasted my time.
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE