To 2013, goodbye

This year has been filled with both happy memories, sad memories, and lessons that I have learned from both. I had those moments when I felt infinite and just happy, and then there were those moments that I wish I could relive those happy moments and just break down crying about how alone and depressed I am. I’d have those times when I felt content and inspired with what I have and then there are the times that I envy other people with what they have that I don’t and just hate them for having an awesome life. I’ve experienced making friends, getting attached to those friends, and getting left by those friends, and that’s just how life is, people come and go, because change is constantly happening, whether we like it or not. I really couldn’t say that I’ve grown into a great woman who has accomplished many things and will accomplish more, but I could say that I’m probably a step closer to that.

True friends have really been tough finding this year. I don’t have really close friends in my section and that’s just really sad. This school year started out pretty well, then came August and it was just a blur caused by merely surviving through the days when I’m alone eating lunch while studying for some test. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got friends, a few true friends, but they’re just in another section. It’s still different than having friends from your section, but I’m sort of content with being alone because forcing myself to fit in is just hard and I don’t want to hurt anymore. Besides, recently, I’ve got these classmates that I hang out with during lunch. 

Getting left behind is so painful, but then you get used to the pain and just stay put wherever you were left, turn around, and find better people to hang out with, that, hopefully, wouldn’t leave and forget you. I’ve never had a specific group that I hang out with, not because I have too many friends in different groups and I hang out with everyone, but because most of the few people that are my friends are in another group that are not accepting new applicants. Well, at least that’s how I feel. Shit? Exactly.

Studies have been pretty good so far. I haven’t entered in the dream section yet, but my section isn’t all that bad. I probably don’t have friends there because I’m just usually quiet and don’t bother other people because I don’t want to be “that bitch that makes other people’s business her business”, but I think I’ve gone too far with that and ended up not having friends there. It’s fun when we do things as a class, but really crappy when we do it by groups. I really want to maintain my status in the top, but I really need to push and work harder for it, or else, I’ll just fail. I. Don’t. Want. To. Fail.

Family? Well, my mum and I fight and argue a lot because of my stubbornness and a lot of my other bad attitudes. I suck at being a daughter and a sister. I just can’t not mess up and give in to these stupid mind of mine that’s just so hard headed and lazy. I know they’re just being supportive and I need to help myself get my shit together so I can have a bright future. 

Screw love this year (referring to the love/crush for the opposite sex). I’m not planning to have a boyfriend until I have a stable high-paying job. And, honestly, I don’t think anyone would court me or fancy me ever (well, at least in my current state). I fancy boys more than I’d care to admit, but I bet my tumblr account that no one.. ABSOLUTELY NO ONE.. fancies me, and that’s just it. I like people that like someone else. But I do believe that when the time comes, somewhere, someday, someone would love me for who I am and be there for me no matter what. As per usual, I like a guy that’s really funny, loving, honest, trustworthy, loyal, understanding, smart, realistic, the other good stuff in this world. I’d prefer him to be older than me and taller. But, yeah, I’d probably just dump love this incoming year and just focus on stuff that really matter, right now.

Okay, so that’s what I can write for now. I know it’s not one of my best, but I’m sure it’s not one of the worst. Happy New Year, everyone!!




5 thoughts on “To 2013, goodbye

  1. Hello,first of all i was thinking about life and how the old days were never coming back and decided to search on google for something that could possibly help me in some way and i found a link to a post on this blog called ”yesterday never coming back” or something like that and it really helped me alot,so i readed others posts here and i have to say that you have a natural talent for writing and that ability to organize your thoughts is what will took you far on this life,you just need to set some goals and go after them with all your heart

    About your difficulty to make friends I completely understand . I got tired of eating lunch alone at the bottom table, I saw these people in groups laughing and smiling and thought I was not good enough to talk with them,i felt like i was a stranger,if i tried to talk with them it would have ended bad,this is what i tought at the time and now i realized i don’t need to have any fear,just talk and see what happens.

    You said you have true friends already,and it’s great,but if you want to make new friends,just remember that these true friends were strangers someday,just be natural and don’t ever be afraid of talk with any people,i hope that you can achieve your goals there. Also it is very important that you practice your hobbies . writing and others that you might have , they always distract the mind,specially movies music and tv series. Always remember that it is better to be alone or accompanied by a few than in bad company,anyway

    . In studies try to enjoy as much as you can your favorite subjects and have the mental strength to deal with the ones that you dislikes,i know how school stuff can be hard,but it’s all for a better future,to build a better life and i’m sure you will enjoy College when you finish school cause it’s different and will really build your profesional abilities. Try to set some goals for life outside of finish school and get a job that pays well.. , think about what is important to you, what changes you would make in the world, your hobbies, check your social skills,anything that make you feel better,if you believe in your goals they will come true. Ok,not all of them,but some..

    if you set goals and go after them with all your heart(any goal. Go to gym,run on the morning,make food,write a book,any goal) you’ll be too busy to become sad and will enjoy more of the happy moments . everyone needs a fight , see what’s one is your . you certainly have the potential to become what you want to be and if you don’t know what you want yet don’t worry,it’s absolutely normal,take all the time you need,someday you’ll find it. More people should know about this blog,it might help them too! .Good luck with everything.

    • Wow, just, wow. I am amazed that you took the time to compose such a long reply and really tried to help me out. Most people don’t don’t care or even bother to read. And I really thank you for that. I really wish life would get better soon, but I’d have to take action for it to be, and I really try to change stuff (only the horrible portions of my personality). I seriously don’t know how to reply to you cause’ you have this fantastic reply and here’s my lousy reply to your reply. I really hope you continue reading my blog, even though it may suck at times. Do you have a blog? Link it to me, please. Thank you so so much and good luck with your life as well.

      • You have to be calm before you can start the change. Them identify all actions that embarrassed you or put you in a bad situation in any way and work to improve it,your mind need to be in good state,don’t try to make these changes when you angry,and don’t think it is the end of the world if you fail. It is really important that you learn something from every failure,don’t forget that life is a gift and the good moments make it worth even if it’s really hard. anyway,just trust more in yourself. I’m happy to try to help cause it’s a problem in society,most people become very individualistic and only cares about themselves. What amazes me is that we are the only animal that is aware of what we do and people still do so much damage to the world.

        No problem with your reply,what matters is that you can improve. i’ll keep reading the blog,it helps me to think. I don’t have a blog but your blog makes me want to start one.

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