This year has been filled with both happy memories, sad memories, and lessons that I have learned from both. I had those moments when I felt infinite and just happy, and then there were those moments that I wish I could relive those happy moments and just break down crying about how alone and depressed I am. I’d have those times when I felt content and inspired with what I have and then there are the times that I envy other people with what they have that I don’t and just hate them for having an awesome life. I’ve experienced making friends, getting attached to those friends, and getting left by those friends, and that’s just how life is, people come and go, because change is constantly happening, whether we like it or not. I really couldn’t say that I’ve grown into a great woman who has accomplished many things and will accomplish more, but I could say that I’m probably a step closer to that.
True friends have really been tough finding this year. I don’t have really close friends in my section and that’s just really sad. This school year started out pretty well, then came August and it was just a blur caused by merely surviving through the days when I’m alone eating lunch while studying for some test. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got friends, a few true friends, but they’re just in another section. It’s still different than having friends from your section, but I’m sort of content with being alone because forcing myself to fit in is just hard and I don’t want to hurt anymore. Besides, recently, I’ve got these classmates that I hang out with during lunch.
Getting left behind is so painful, but then you get used to the pain and just stay put wherever you were left, turn around, and find better people to hang out with, that, hopefully, wouldn’t leave and forget you. I’ve never had a specific group that I hang out with, not because I have too many friends in different groups and I hang out with everyone, but because most of the few people that are my friends are in another group that are not accepting new applicants. Well, at least that’s how I feel. Shit? Exactly.
Studies have been pretty good so far. I haven’t entered in the dream section yet, but my section isn’t all that bad. I probably don’t have friends there because I’m just usually quiet and don’t bother other people because I don’t want to be “that bitch that makes other people’s business her business”, but I think I’ve gone too far with that and ended up not having friends there. It’s fun when we do things as a class, but really crappy when we do it by groups. I really want to maintain my status in the top, but I really need to push and work harder for it, or else, I’ll just fail. I. Don’t. Want. To. Fail.
Family? Well, my mum and I fight and argue a lot because of my stubbornness and a lot of my other bad attitudes. I suck at being a daughter and a sister. I just can’t not mess up and give in to these stupid mind of mine that’s just so hard headed and lazy. I know they’re just being supportive and I need to help myself get my shit together so I can have a bright future.
Screw love this year (referring to the love/crush for the opposite sex). I’m not planning to have a boyfriend until I have a stable high-paying job. And, honestly, I don’t think anyone would court me or fancy me ever (well, at least in my current state). I fancy boys more than I’d care to admit, but I bet my tumblr account that no one.. ABSOLUTELY NO ONE.. fancies me, and that’s just it. I like people that like someone else. But I do believe that when the time comes, somewhere, someday, someone would love me for who I am and be there for me no matter what. As per usual, I like a guy that’s really funny, loving, honest, trustworthy, loyal, understanding, smart, realistic, the other good stuff in this world. I’d prefer him to be older than me and taller. But, yeah, I’d probably just dump love this incoming year and just focus on stuff that really matter, right now.
Okay, so that’s what I can write for now. I know it’s not one of my best, but I’m sure it’s not one of the worst. Happy New Year, everyone!!
LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE