Death and Depression

Death. It is a painful fact in life that no one could escape. It is the loss of life and the beginning of another one in paradise (hopefully). It is this certainty that someday somewhere sometime you’re going to forever perish from this world. It’s the only thing permanent in this world, besides change. I know I’m going to die. And based from my lifestyle, I’m probably going to die from Cancer or another non-communicable disease. It doesn’t matter. 

I may be selfish for saying this but I want to be the one to die first in my family because I don’t want to be there and feel life after they die. I don’t want live without them, because it would be a life not worth living. They’re the most important people in my life. We argue in a lot of things and fight, but in the end of the day, I love them. They’re all I have in this world to live for. I may forget at times, but I’m doing everything for them. I want us to have a better life in the future. There are so many things I want to do in the future, but I don’t want to lose them.

If there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that I cry more often than necessary. I can be too sensitive at times and over  think stuff. There are some movies that make my cry too much, especially when there’s this unexpected death or accident. I feel pain whenever I watch those kind of scenes. And the sadder part about that is it could happen in real life. It does happen in real life.

I am depressed. I’m depressed that my life isn’t going as I planned. I’m depressed I’m not in the star section. I’m depressed that I can’t have everything I want. I’m depressed that I don’t have close friends in my section. I’m depressed that I’m not that beautiful. I’m depressed that I’m not that smart. I’m depressed that I’m not perfect. Depression is a sickness that wouldn’t go away with plain drugs or medicine. It could only be healed by one thing: CHOICE. The choice to be happy with the things you are blessed to have rather than mope about the things you don’t have. I am depressed in more ways than one but I also believe that everything happens for a reason and that if I’m not going to act to change something, there isn’t going to be a change.

This life I have been having is quite the tragedy. I’ve got no one to talk to (in my section). This quarter has been harder to deal with  than the past ones. Me and my mom have been arguing a lot. BUT THAT’S LIFE. There are these up’s and down’s that just prove that I’m alive. I know I can do better. And I hope this just doesn’t stay as an idea because to move forward from this, I have to take steps.

This is such a mixture of my optimism and pessimism that I was a better writer. 

 

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

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5 thoughts on “Death and Depression

  1. I already have lost my mother and i can tell you that after a couple of months after lost someone you start to think not in the injustice of life,but in what this people would want for your future and you’ll try to build a life that would make that person proud even if the pain will never go away,you just learn to deal with that. Enjoy your family the most you can,all the best,and i hope that these people will live until at least 100 years old! About depression,it exists to make JOY enjoylable! Even at the saddest times try to find joy at something and never give up.

    • Thank you for the amazing advice. I don’t want to have any regrets in this life, especially the ones that count, like saying “I love you” while you still have that person in your life. I bid you my condolences and let’s keep on fighting and never giving in..

  2. There’s no point in stop fighting ,every second counts,make your choices and no matter what happens,no regrets. If you do ever regret of something,make sure it will never happen again,but try to stay in peace with these decisions.

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