I don’t feel like writing in THIS blog anymore. I don’t feel comfortable ranting my heart out when I know people I know are reading my posts and knowing my thoughts about stuff. I mean, I just don’t like them talking to me about my posts and asking me if something’s wrong. I am seriously okay with my life. I don’t plan on killing myself or anything. I’m quite a realistic teen, not pessimistic nor optimistic. So, please don’t worry about me. I am totally fine. I don’t need closure or psychological help. Just understand that I can’t stop writing and I don’t want to. It really bothers me when you talk to me about my posts so please do stop and just enjoy my writing.
Ever since I’ve been left behind by my so-called “friends”, I haven’t been doing so well. See, Friendship is a commitment, like a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship but much more than that, in my opinion. In friendship, you become dependent on your friend and develop some sort of bond that you two (or more) share. It’s like a treasure chest that can only be opened by one of you. You can trust that person with your whole life and she/he can trust you with theirs. You hang out a lot, share secrets, enjoy the happy moments and comfort each other during the sad ones.
But the problem with being too attached to someone is that when they leave, you just feel lost. And that’s what’s happening to me now. My “friend” and I have been friends since first year and we did almost all group works together. We weren’t classmates during the second year, but now, we’re classmates again, but it’s gone. I miss that moment when the teacher tells you to pair up and we make eye contact and understand exactly what it meant. We’re not really THAT close but that was our policy, our sort of promise.
And now, I’m lying on the cold hard ground, trying to pull myself back up. All my groupworks or projects without them have been a mess, while theirs are close to perfect. But, I can’t do anything about their preference with one another so might as well just accept it and move on. I have to find some other friends or at least acquaintances to group with. And this time, this quarter, I’ll make sure that we’re not going to be that bad, in fact, we’re going to be awesome.
Because I’m done with this crap. I’m done with being sad and depressed and bitter. It’s a hopeless case and better just move on from it and learn that not everyone’s going to be there for you.